WHAT'S WHAT.

Auckland Star, Volume LVI, Issue 190, 13 August 1925, Page 12

WHAT'S WHAT.

MISGUIDE FOR JACKIES. AUCKLAND AND ELSEWHERE. UNOFFICIAL COMPILATION-. Read this, Jackie?, it will put you wise. Manners, customs, and other triiles, are heroin set out for your ediiieation. Head, inwardly digest, and then forget. Town I lock.—There isn't one —there are lnilf-a-dozen. They never tally. For correct time sen sun dial in Albert Park. Whnre.— Little wooden hut that foreigners think New Zealanders live in, i'akeha.—hist the. sumo as American sailors. Not .Maori. Kiwi.—Miniature nion. Moas are extinct. Kiwis are birds that are not extinct yet. National emblem of New Zealand \ylien fern leaf is not used. You can see one. on a bottle of beer if you get enoiiph beer. "Our Harbour."—Admitted to be the finest stretch of water in the world, except in Sydney and Naples. Silent Policemen.—Not a strong silent man. Stumbling block to pedestriuns. Hoot.—Muzumn, oil, Sugar, coin, cash. Some people pot it once a week and never have any. Post OftL'e.—Favourite place for dates. Ne\er post letters there till a minute before time of closing mails. Railway .Station.—Crystal Tnlace at rear of Post OHice. They are going to shift it half-a-niile south so as to save five minutes on tlic ran to-Wellington. Homie.—Tenderfoot. Not so lonjr out from England as most of us. Term must be qualified for by '"new chums," who aren't hoinies till two years here. They don't speak tho New Zealand language.. North Head.—Urasshoppers' retreat. CJrafton Bridge.—Concrete structure from one side to the other. Always -walk on the opposite side from that ordered on the notices. If you collide half-way, throw the other chap over. The hospital is handy. Mount Eden.—Alternatively our extinct volcano, the "garden of Auckland," or the place where loyal subjects of the Crown are busy making , big ones into little ones. "Jh Mount Eden"—in clink. Happy winter home for hobos. Welleeley Street Fast.—Other side of Wellesley Street West. PoESonby.—Suburb of Auckland with more boys in grey caps to the square inch that any locality extant. Residence there requires youths to roll stockings down over their boots and grow huirv legs. Banglriri.—'.Ask nny experienced motorist. Old time mud works. So many motorists were engulfed annually" that the. undertakers entered a protect. Papatoetoe.—Not Papa toe toe. Toe sounds like "toi." Auckland is a suburb of Pa etc. Famous for spuds. (See epuds). Omarau, Timarn, Wnipukurau.—Maori yell. Part of haka. Omarau (5.1.) has no pubs. Timaru has. The fleet is not going to Timaru. Spuds.—New Zealand for potato. Cockie.—Man on the land Hvith c. penchant for mortgages. One Tree Hill.—Same as North Head. Crowned with five trees. Acacia Cottage.—Uninhabited. Dry Former Woolwortli Building of Queen Street. Stone Jug.—Too big lo drink out of First pub. in Auckland some say. To be bought for museum if prohibition comes. Westfielcl.—Where the flies £6 in the summer time. Famous for perfumes Civic Square.-To let. Somebody blundered. J Remuera.—Pronounced "Remuerah " t oat of arms: A flapper couchant on a field of copper hose, with two limousines rampant in the corner. All Blacks.—Misnomer. No relation to Australian aboriginals; colour-bar wouldn't apply. Said to be known in Rugby circles. Nothing to do with ■whisky. , Pooffnr.—lTot-nir merchant. Kia-Ora.—A trade mark. Formerly a Maori farewell; same as au reservoir. Bay it with tears. V.M.C.A.—Same as. : in American language. • Carlaw Park.—Overtime for St. John Ambulance men. "Sydney or the bush."—Unsuccessful punters motto with last bean at Ellerslie. If he wins .he doesn't go to Sydney. Ellerslie Racecourse.—Where the dead return—to the saddling paddock. A.B.S.—Auckland Boy Scouts. Closely affiliated with A.G.G.—Auckland Girl Guides. Waterfront Railway.—Contrivance for keeping within bounds the population of the North Shore boroughs. The 'Limited.—-The other expresses are slower. Western Wharf.—Once the pride of Freeman's Bay. Now used as a mooring , stage by visiting submarines. University College Tower.—Auckland's Aviary. Most abused structure south of the Line. Milford Beach.—Seaside resort where flappers flap, and policemen prosecute. Manual Telephones.—System is now extinct. Modern automatic phones have made confidential conversations possible. Safety Zones.—Originally invented to facilitate motor accidents. Now used to prevent parking. Ilia Majesty's Theatre.—Chiseled by the early Maoris out of the solid. Tic curtain is comparatively new. *