MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVI, Issue 180, 1 August 1925, Page 22

MERRIER MOMENTS.

• Gushing Hostess: Such a dear man the new vicar is—so outspoken. In his sermon last Sunday he censured the devil most severely. "Are these egges fresh?" inquired the woman. "They are very fresh, madam," replied the grocer. "I lay them in that receptacle, myself, every morning." "Helen has lovely hair!" "She gets it from her father!" "But he's bald!" "Yes. But he's a hairdresser!" Young Man (entertaining little Mary): Now I'll tell you my pet joke. ' Little Mary: You'd better not. Mother say 3 that kind isn't nice. Lady: Shame on you, child, for smoking in this restaurant. Honestly, I'd just as soon get drunk as smoke. Flapper: Well, who wouldn't? A budding author, somewhat new, His article had signed X Q. The editor the essay read, And begged he might be X Q Z. Visitor: If your mother gave you a large apple and a small one, and told you to divide with your brother, which apple would you give him? Johnny: Dye mean my big brother or my little one? Little Brother (in audible whisper): Wouldn't it be more exciting, auntie, if they cristened babies like they do ships, by cracking them over the nose with a bottle. In Other Words. Pastor: An' de wicked shall be whirled into uttah darkness, foreber mo. Deacon Brown (responsively) : Whirled widout end! Praise de Lawd!

Slow March. The Magistrate regarded the urchin with a look in which sympathy for hi," sad plight and disapproval for his mis deed were equally blended. "My dear boy!" he exclaimed, "wha' possessed you to steal the tortoise?" " I didn't steal it," was the unexpectet retort. "It followed mc home." * Full of Interet. Just before the polo match, one of the players was talking to a lady friend who sat in the enclosure. "Have you ever seen a pold match before?" he inquired. "Nq, never," she replied; "but I'm sure I shall enjoy it, and I wish you'd hurry up and begin, for I'm jut dying to see those beautiful ponies kick the ball about." * How it Did Him Good. A woman who had given a dinner party met her doctor in the street the following day, and stopped to speak to him. "I am so sorry, doctor," she said, "that you were unable to come to my dinner party last night, it would have done you good to be there." "It has already done mc good," he replied, tersely; "I have just prescribed for three of the guests." Try This One on the Family. "How do you get down off an elephant T" "You climb down." "Wrong!" "You take a ladder and get down." "Wrong!" "You grease his sides and slide down." "Wrong!" you take the trunk line down." "No, not quite. You don't get down off an elephant; you get it off a goose." The Lazy Janitor. As a countryman on holiday in the city was walking past a very high building he saw the following notice: ■King the bell for the lift man." He rang the bell furiously, and the man, who lived at the top of the building, hurried down, and, out of breath, asked the man what he wanted. The man pointed to the notice and said, "Why can't you ring the bell yourself?" " The Hint. The young man was very fond of Phyllis, but he was rather shy and backward. They were sitting togther on the sofa when there was a ring at the bell. That will be Mr. Robson," said Phyllis. "Oh! Well—er— there's such a thing —as—er—being out, you know," suggested the shy young man. "Yes," said Phyllis. And there's such a thing as—er—being engaged, you know." o & » . Then the young man took the hint and proposed.