MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LV, Issue 248, 18 October 1924, Page 54 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS.

A.: "Everything she wears w «J appropriate;" B.: "I know it. Even ths clocks on her stockings are striking. Air T - : "Yes, I am sure our garden is'going'to 'be a success.- 'Mrs. T.«l "The chickens have tasted everything) and they are perfectly enthusiastic." Jack: "Oh, but she has such fierj; "Well, let us hope thej won't ignite the powder on her face. Bertie: "You should have seen BettjJ run the quarter-mile." Baeil: "What did she do it in? Bertie: "Oh, I'm hanged if I what you call 'em." Author: "May I write the sub-titleS for the filming of my novel?" Director: "Yes; but read the continue ity first, and get some idea of what story's about." "I see our friend Grabwell announce* he is busy doing his share in the eanni "I would not say exactly he' 3 busjj doing hie share," rejoined the MJP, "He's busy getting it." Lawyer: "You say you can bring wtt* neesee to swear they were with you nj a rowboat at the time the burglary wa» committed 1" . Accused: "Look 'ere; I can bring many as the boat'U hold!" Brown: "So old Johnson married ideal?" Jones: "Well, he thinks so; bufi knowing what I do of the lady, I think; she'll prove to be hie ordeal." She frowned on him and called him Because in fun he merely Kr. _, And so in spite, > The following night, The naughty Mr. Kr. Sr. She: "So you are under orders?" He: "Yes. He said, 'Go into fbd country for a time. Give your braini ft complete rest!' So I came down t<) see you." "Maggie, I think something must l>4 wrong inside my stomach. First seems to come up, then go down; it goes down, and then up." . . "Good heavens! Perhaps you've swal» lowed a lift." ——— * 1 A vicar in a. 'big industrial iwwij arranged a special service for the work* ing men. The service was well attended, and the preacher began his sermon with the remark, "Rarely indeed have I "been, privileged to address so many tons <b$ soil!" ,

Reporter: To what do you attribute youfi long lite? TJncle Zachariah (104 years old): Don't knows a darn thing about U.

Take one reckless, natural-born fool}', two or three big drinks of bad liquor; a fast, high-powered motor car. Soak the fool in the liquor, place in the car, and let him go. After due time, remove from wreckage, place in black, eatin« lined box, and garnish with flowers. "Jack wants mc to learn all th 4 traffic rules, but I think that would bq foolieh," said Mrs. Cutie. "Why foolish?" asked the friend. "Why, it's much easier to let ths inspector explain them to you." The small iboy was >on. n -vieStfc and his pyjamas were missing. "Justl for to-night, darling," pleaded hie mother, "you'll wear one of Molly's nightdresses, won't you?" He looked and snifw fed. "Bather than that," he replied, "I'd go to bed raw!" The Psycho-Analyst to His Love* < Psycho-analysts will tell you That your complex suits my own : Each reaction should Impel you To be mine and mine alone. •& All your impulses toward spurning Indicate suppressed desire; I'm the one for whom you're vearnin* With a fierce and Freudian flue. A Soldier's Greeting. Colonel Lawrence, the conqueror ol Arabia, endures bores not. gladly, especi* ally society bores. Ono sweltering day in Cairo he wad stopped by a perspiring lady, who was fanning herself vigorously with a news-, paper. "Oh, Colonel Lawrence!" she gasped, "Eighty-nine! Eighty-nine!' "Many happy returns!" said Lawrence, as he fled. , Made Him Weep. "~~ , The touring theatrical company wad having a bad time of it. A» day succeeded day the audience grew smaller and smaller until, on Saturday evening, it had reached microscopical limits. Just before the performance begaa the box office manager approached the star actor, who was also manager o| the company. "When would you like mc to bring the receipts round, sir?" he asked. "I think," said the actor-manager, pensively, "I think you should bring them jiist before I go on in the pathetiq scene."