MERRIER MOMENTS,

Auckland Star, Volume LV, Issue 248, 18 October 1924, Page 18

MERRIER MOMENTS,

A • "Everything she wears ie ed appropriate:" B.: "I know it. Even ttq clocks on her stockings arc striking. Mr T • "Yes, I am sure our garden is going to 'be a success.- Mrs. T.ei "The chickens have tasted everything and they are perfectly enthusiastic." ■ Jack: "Oh, but she has such fierj; "Well, let us hope thej; won't ignite the powder on her face. Bertie: "You should have seen BettjJ run the quarter-mile." Basil: "What did she do it in? Bertie: "Oh, I'm hanged if I what you call 'em." Author: "May I write the sub-titletj for the filming of my novel?" Director: "Yes; hut read the continuity first, and get some idea of what the| etory's about." "I see our friend Grabwell announced he is "busy doing hie share in the earn* Pa, 'l would not say exactly he's busjj doing his share," rejoined the MJE , ,, "He's busy getting it." Lawyer: "You say you can bring wrtx nesses to swear they were with you isi a rowboat at the time the burglary was committed 1" Accused: "Look 'ere; I can bring many as the boat'll hold!" Brown: "So old Johnson married hi-j ideal?" Jones: "Well, he thinks so; bufl knowing what I do of the lady, I thinly she'll prove to be his ordeal." She frowned on him and called him Mfj Because in fun he merely Kγ. a And so in spite, < The following night, The naughty Mr. Kγ. Sγ. She: "So you are under doctor , ! orders?" He: "Yes. He said, 'Go into thd country for a time. Give your braini m complete rest:' So I came down t<) see you." "Maggie, I think something roust ~bi wrong inside my stomach. First jt seems to come up, then go down; thenit goes down, and then up." .. . "Good heavens! Perhaps you've await lowed a lift." A vicar in a 'big industrial fowd arranged a special service for the work* ing men. The service was well attended, and the preacher began his sermon with the remark, "Rarely indeed have I *been privileged to address so many tons o$ soU!"

Reporter: To what do you attribute yens} long lite? TTncleZachariah (104 years old): Don't kno"W! a darn thing about tt. Take one reckless, natural-born foolj'. two or three big drinks of bad liquor; a fast, high-powered motor car. Soak the fool in the liquor, place in the car, and let him go. After due time, remove from wreckage, place in black, satin* lined box, and garnish with flowers. "Jack wants mc to learn all the traffic rules, but I think that would foolish," said Mrs. Cutie. "Why foolish T" asked the friend. "Why, it's much easier to let ths inspector explain them to you." The enraill iboy was <m. n TieStfc and his pyjamas were missing. "Juatl for to-night, darling," pleaded his mother, "you'll wear one of Molly's nightdresses, won't you?" He looked and sniffed. "Bather than that," he replied, "I'd go to bed raw!" The Psycho-Analyst to Hie Love. ■ Psycho-analysts will tell you That your complex suite my own: Each reaction should Impel you To be mine and mine alone. t, All your impulses toward spurning _ Indicate suppressed desire; I'm the One for whom you're With a fierce and Freudian "fire. A Soldier's Greeting. Colonel Lawrence, the conqueror of Arabia, endures bores not. gladly, especi* ally society bores. Ono sweltering day in Cairo he wad stopped by a perspiring lady, who was fanning herself vigorously with a news* paper. "Oh, Colonel Lawrence!" she gaspei, "Eighty-nine! Eighty-nine!' "Many happy returns!" said Law* rence, as he fled. , Made Him Weep. ~"" , The touring theatrical company wad having a bad time of it. A.» day succeeded day the audience grew smaller and smaller until, on Saturday evening, it had reached microscopical limits. Just before the performance began the box office manager approached the star actor, who was also manager o? the company. "AVhen would you like mc to bring the receipts round, sir?" he asked. 'I think," said the actor-manager, pensively, "I think you should bring them jiist before I go on in the pathetiq scene."