ANECDOTES AND STORIES.

Auckland Star, Volume LV, Issue 116, 17 May 1924, Page 18

ANECDOTES AND STORIES.

IRISH LINEN. ' Miss E. Somerville, the author of "Wheel Tracks," says that her grandfather amazed his relatives by sleeping in his day shirt and putting on a clean one every morning. "I am reminded," says she, "of a story of a family laundress —not belonging to my family, I hasten to mention —who, in expansive criticism of two , of her employers, observed: — " 'Mr. George is a very dirrty man. He'll wear as many as four shirts in the week! Mr. William's very ciane. He wouldn't soil but two in a fortnight!'" SLOCUM-PUDDLETON MATCH. Tom Clay, a famous English footballer, tells a story of a game played between two village teams, the Slocum Weds and the Puddington Thurs. Ten minutes after the kick-off a fog began to settle, and as it soon became impossible to see more than a yard or two the two captains and the referee decided to abandon the match. The rivals accordingly adjourned to the nearest place of refreshment and there discussed the interrupted game. Suddenly someone inquired for the Slocum goalkeeper. Where was he? As he was not present a search party braved the fog and groped its way back to the field of play. They discovered a watery-eyed "goalie" still between the riosts, peering anxiously into the dense mist and shouting encouragingly: "Go it, Slocum! Give 'em socks!" A DOSE FOR BIDDY. A lady in Ireland was extremely kind and used her skill and medical knowledge for the benefit of all who needed it. " TETa thin! I'd sooner the misthrcss than army docthor o' thim that's goin' the roads now!' said an old woman, one of her many patients. 'But faith, the owld docthor that was in it long-ago-time, was very good. There was one time, an' I havin' a bad stomach, an' I wint to him to the dispinsary. "Give her some salts!" says the owld docthor. The young docthor that was with him comminced to weight out a share o' salts for mc. 'Sha!' says the owld docthor to him, 'what baldherdash is this ye have with yer weighings?' says he. 'Here, Biddy,' says he to mc, 'Howld yer apron!' " "N." For nearly half a century private secretary to successive Lord Mayors of London, Sir William Soulsby tells a good story about a famous art connoisseur who, at a big City function, found himself sitting next a somewhat illiterate country alderman. In the course of conversation the alderman mentioned that his grandfather had known the great Napoleon. "Indeed!" said the other. "That's very interesting." "Yes," the alderman went on. "And I still have the fine snuffbox that Napoleon gave him. Tt has a hen in diamonds on the lid." "A hen!" exclaimed the other. "Oh, I see! You probably mean an eagle—the Imperial Ea_le?" "No," insisted the alderman. "It's a hen plain enough. I've got it with mc, Look!" —and he pulled, from his pocket a splendid gold box with an "N" in brilliants on the lid. TREE IN AMERICA. I was told, says Mr. Harry Furniss (who is 70 years of age and still drawing magnificently) that kindness would be showered upon mc in America. I lived in a perfect blizzard of hospitality, the force of which was too much for mc to stand up against.

They overdo their invitations, and the over-worked and over-worried stranger gets somehow mentally tangled. Sir Herbert Beerholm Tree was worse than I. One evening in New York he invited mc alone to a quiet supper at his hoteL When I turned up, I found he had forgotten all about the invitation and, what was even more reprehensible, had also forgotten a splendid banquet given in his honour by a rich American at the same hotel. His host and I met at the telephone, with the result that I was forced to take Tree's place. When the speeches were just about to begin, who should stroll in with a serene . air but Tree—looking for mc. I rose and made him sit in my chair j next to the host, and as I was leaving j an American lady bent forward and said in great astonishment, "Why, Mr. Fur- ! niss, you are surely not going? We , want to hear your speech." "Madam," I replied, "this is a supper to Mr. Tree. I eat the meals—and he makes the speeches." FORMING THE GORDON I HIGHLANDERS. J The most famous exploit of Jane, I Duchess of Gordon, and grandmother of Lord Ernest Hamilton, was the formation of the Gordon Highlanders. Most of the young men of the countryside had ..Iready been taken for ' other regiments, but the Duchess and her daughters were not daunted by . this. " ! "When all other arts of persuasion I failed, it is said that both the Duchess and Lady Madeline placed guineas be- j tween their lips and challenged the ! stand-off lads in the market-place to ' come and take them with their lips, j Many accepted the challenge, but to their honour be it recorded that, in the j majority of eases, tbey threw the | guinea to the crowd, saying that a kiss ! from the Duchess or one of her daughters ' was quite reward enough by itself." And so the Gordon Highlanders was formed. The Marquis was famous for tbe wonderful revels he gave, the number of i servants be kept, and the gorgeouv j liveries they wore. "Someone had the courage to ask the old Marquis if he had not copied these from the royal liveries. "No, sir," replied the haughty host, "it was the livery of the Hamilton* before the house of Brunswick; had a servant to put it on."