RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume 55, Issue 22, 26 January 1924, Page 18

RANDOM SHOTS

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Some write a neighbour's name to lash, Some write—"am thought—for needless cash, ! Sonic write to please the country clash , And raise a din; I For mc, an flliii 1 never fash. I write for fun. Missionary work in Africa is gradually making church members of the natives, who will soon be free to devote their i Sundays to African golf. ' The "Herald" cable man had the Et. Hon. H. 11. Asquith saying this week in the course of his speech in the "No Confidence" debate, that "lie had been cajoled, wheedled, almost caressed, threatened and browbeaten and all but blackmailed to 'bee' the saviour of society." I'erhaps the "bee" is excusable, for the honourable gentleman appeared more in the mood to sting than to save. The sudden dropping of our birth rate seems to have been the signal for the starting of a campaign of discouragement for mothers, one supposes upon the principle that what one tries to scare her from doing she does. If your mother and my mother had weighed chances instead of weighing you and mc, there might have been two good fellows the less to-day. The commercial traveller who stole a lady's new hat from the railway station, and wore it a3 a bustle until arreated, had perverted ideas of commerce. A "hat trick" with fourteen days' imprisonment as a sequel, should cause the owner of the hat a twinge of remorse for leaving temptation in the way. I It seems that we are needing a new word. A reporter, listing buyers present at a fruit auction, says, "Three ladies, two Chinese, four Indians, half-a-dozen whose nationality might be anything; here and there a Britisher."' One can see how the reporter hesitated to use "Britisher," except as a masculine term, and so it is generally used. Let mc suggest for his future use—"Britishess." I A German princeling is endeavouring to obtain (as opposed to the Dutch) a German New Guinea. This is no more likely to succeed than German attempts to get a new mark. When Mr. Massey was in Ireland he was present at a service at the Second Limavady I'resbyterian Church, where he had attended as a youth. Coming out after the service he related that, when a boy, ho had climbed up the spouting of the church and deposited a penny under the cave of the roof. He wondered if the coin was still there. Surely he must have overlooked the fact that the people of Ulster are largely Scotch by descent, and that no coin, however insignificant, could long escape them. The market in hearses is said to be dead. Two hundred pounds worth of hearse has been offered for five pounds without finding a buyer. Here is a j chance for anyone who wishes to have j a rehearsal of a procession he otherwise f will never see. i The shark captured in Lyall Bay I when found "cruising amongst the I bathers," is said to have been "too old I to be dangerous : of a kind which does not grow very large; or a sick fish." ' This is rather a confused description, ] but the hist suggestion is reasonable for a shark, possbily not hungry, find- ] ing itself in shallow water, surrounded | by a hundred tempting dinners, might well feel overcome, much as you or I • might be by the close proximity of two hundred leg 9of succulent mutton, immediately after luncheon on a hot day. To be the "owner" of a car upon tho | instalment plan, with the furniture of a i flat, and a blue serge siiit, and a fur ! cloak for the wife, under tho same scheme; to be a patron of the "tote,": and the possessor of a suburban section , ("at eightpencc per day") is to be a I bright young Aucklander, and never to I know a dull moment. To so juggle the instalments that no two fall due upon ' the same date, to know which to evade and leave a trifle for "tote" day, and "keep going" in household matters all the time, results in a sharpening of the intellect equal to the training of chess, bridge and poker combined. The plan-1 ning, calculating look upon many young Auckland faces is the plain evidence of ( instalmentia. j Sir Charles Harington, who so ably I looked after British interests in Constantinople after the armistice, is known to few as a golfer. To that ; game, however, he is indebted, he says, for his "familiarity" with the language ' of the Turk. His* vocabulary is some- ; what limited. Tt is confined to two I phrases. The first, "Laota gazelle," to use the English pronunciation, signi- : fies "Good Rhot." and the second. fenella, "a damned bad shot!"' The latter is the expression that most j of us find very general use for. Mr. Massey was reported to have said j in the course of a speech at Pungannon, i in Ulster, the home town of that popu- | lar ex-Governor, the Earl of Ranfurly, that "New Zealand exported £IS,OOO.- | 000 worth of butter from 50.000,000 ■ dairy farms. i 50.000.000 of which were ! started by their owners without enpi- i tnl." r don't wonder that we hear an ' occasional growl from the "cow cockie." j An average of £3 worth of exportable j produce from each dairy farm is not There are still people who, when they i chastise their children, say the old for- ■ mula, ."Xow this is going to hurt mc j more than it is going to hurt you." In many caFos the statement is perfectly sincere. Xo man or woman with a heart softer than stone could like beating a child. The late Sanderson of Oundle. one of the most original and most revered English educationists of his time, complained once that when he suggested that caning was justifiable only when the punislier was in a temper he was not taken seriously. Mr. Shaw. I believe, has expressed a similar opinion. The idea is that to l>e rnrried away by indignation or rage is in a measure an ; excuse, but to wait until the blood has cooled before striking a child is caddish. However, to get back to my subject, I think it was "Punch" that had a joke about it years ago. To his father, who made this remark about "hurting mc more than you," a boy replied, "Please don't hurt yourself on my account, father." The reply of a small Auckland boy the other day was better. The father left the consolation until the whipping was over, and the boy looked him straight in the eye and replied. "I'm glad." The Victorian parent would have rewarded such impertinence with another whipping, but in this case a sense of humour came to the child's rescue. I