MERRIER MOMENTS-

Auckland Star, Volume LVI, Issue 251, 20 October 1923, Page 18

MERRIER MOMENTS-

Small Girl (as sister's fiance slips .j banana skin) : Look, mamma, he'swo shipping the ground she treads on! Wife: How does my new hat look Hubby: 'Urn! It jolly well looks like two weeks' salary. Employer: Your first duty will b e j,, post this ledger. New Clerk: Yes, sir. Where shall T send it? Dick: I certainly admire that pianiet'l finish, don't you? JCick: Oh, yes; but I always dread the beginning. Customer: I'd like to see something cheap in a straw hat. ■ Shop Assistant: Try this on. Thg mirror is on your left. Interviewer: And what book has helped you most in your wonderful career? Celebrity: Without a doubt, my tanfc, book! «: ~—— Mistress: If you want eggs to keep they must be laid in a cool place. Biddy: Oi'll mention it to the hens at waust, mum. Diner (sniffing) : Waiter, I (font think this fish is altogether fresh? Waiter: I don't know, sir; I've only been here a week. Biggs: Is pants singular or plural? Triggs: If a man wears 'em, it's plural. Biggs: Well, if he doesn'tt Triggs: It's singular! Neighbour: I 'ear that your Ted's doing a turn at the big music-halL What's he do? Mother: 'E turns up the Beats after the first 'ouse. She: Why are all vessels spoken of as "she?" It's because they all move so gracefully, isn't it? He: No, it's because their rigging costs so much. "Mummy, does the sun go down Into the sea every night?" "Yes, dear." "Then how do they get It dry enough to light it again in the morninfl?" Asked to explain the difference be.tween a journalist and an editor, a » schoolboy wrote: "A journalist is a man who writes for the newspapers. An editor is a man who leaves out what tlie journalist writes."