STORYETTES.

Auckland Star, Volume LI, Issue 194, 14 August 1920, Page 18

STORYETTES.

AUCTIONING SIS SENTENCE. : A very junior officer was trying h'.fii first ease. " | i •Seven days confined to .-amp/ he I snapped. I i "liifj pardon sir." whispered the coin-j i pany Kergennt-major. ''You mustn't i give a sentence like that. You " I -All right, then, fourteen days," reI tort ill (he sirb. 1 '"lint, sir," pleaded the sergeant major, i •it's not " I ■ 'Arf a mo', major,"' interposed tbo T ny. "Don't check "mi ap-ain or VII; i irivi- mc twpnly-one. "X ain't a horflror - ' jV- a haucConcer!' , | j ALL DHESSSD UP. i A hanker in a country town was very I bald, and was in the habit of wearing hi.-,, I hat during business Kvery wiw'-c ; a certain carpenter presented a cheque j putting the money in t worn and grawy j ! wall.t. (he banker chanced to pass by, | j and iL-kiil: j "Look here. John, why don't you let j some .if that money stay" in the ban!;?" | "Well." replied the man, 'Tin rather: afraid. Yo:i see" and here the "arpen-! j ter looked at, I he hat. i he bairkcr wor° -j i "yon lool; ;:s 1 you were always ready j to start for somewhere."' I THE CAT DID IT. The c.la«s had i«rn exceptionally j bright and intelligent, and there was a look ..f wmiifi satisfiu-tion on the t»:wli.Trt fine. J J "\nw. .lanie<." she asked, "do yon ' I na!h ;:iu|crst:'tid the mei'.ninr' of 'ex i ! tinrC?" ; j "V«. :u:ss." re; led .lames. I "Theii mime c bird that is now | j .hni; , luMitutcd a moment, then — "Cliipper!" he exclaimed. i "i 'hipper' '" inipiired the teacher. "And i ulial kind of Inn! is 1 hat ?" "My pet |Mpe<in." came the reply. "The I cal .'-n-iit bin this morninjr" WANTED ELSEWHERE. I The family had Jusi. lost, their little ! >'"._. It had '• ii run over by a motor j car. and the remainn were aw.-.itinjt ,-t.itc !.i;;i;il hi the irnnl'-n. The two y ?>T , bruihent v,vrc dirfcussinp; the trapedy. | "Do you think," inquired the elder, "thai !!od would j'erfnrm a miracle on i Toby and hring li'm hack to life if we, i n-1 ed Him?" j I "■'Hi. no," wisely replied the youngsr. I ' "You so: , , <Jod wanted a little dog in ' ; heaven, and us Toby was the nicest dop ■ lie knew, lie took him." A pause; then l-e added under lib breath: "But it was! a \ery mean thine to do!" ' I REVENGE! ! The Imrjlar was tiack at. hU pre war . trade. I Inside the darkened house all was l ' aiienl. save for the lienvy brcaihiiii: of ! the man who lay asleep oil t hi' bed. The ! frnCierc'd up hio spoils wat -h, ; money, and a few odds and ends of more i ni' less \alue and turned to make h:s departure. j Then, obeying an .tnpulse, he turned I hi. Hash lamp on the man on the lied. ■■Heaven*:" he pooped. "My old ser-j j {remit!" I-'or a moment he hesitated. Then he j tijtoed over 1.» the bureau and- set the, ! alarm cluck for :t a.m.! ivanted a Re-count. | \ One of the beef election stories is told ' !iy Lord r'orster I better known as Mr. 11. ■ :W. Korster. M.1 , .), the new (J-jve.rnor- ! ; Oneral of Australia. i j .lust after the declaration of the poll i jilt a hy-electi.>n. the wife of iU i ardent | i supporter of the defeated candidate pave birth to triplet-. J The disap|Kiinterl politician wended his I way rather gloomily homewards, medi(alini: on tlii- possibility of the hucccs- I I fill candidate bein- unseated on a re- I M-oiint of the poll. ,md on his arrival he | [waj! met at tilt- door by n bearniiif; nurse. J "Oh, Mr. . your wife has hud ■ triplets." ' "lilt. mi. no. impossible!" exclaimed the father in liorrilied accents. "1 ilemand a I re-count." THE THOUGHTFUL CHILD. I "I'm awfully sorry, dad," said lioliby, \ "to think how much trouble 1 pive | mother." ' i "She hasn't complained, has she.?" "No: she's very patient. Hut. she I often semis mc to the shops for things, ; ami (hey arc a j;ood way off, and T know ■ she gets cross waiting when nhe's in a i j hurry." ' ; i "Not often. I fancy." j "Oh. she's nearly always in a hurry. I She pets everything ready for the baking. i and (ijids al tho last moment she lias no I yeast, or Romethinp, and then she's in an i ja'A'ftil fright, ainl 1 can't run a long disItance. you know. a.nd—l feel awfully j I sorry for poor mother." I "Humph! Well, wlrat can we do about 1 it ?" "I wa< thinking, dad. that perhaps you might Ret 7iie a bicycle." HE PAID. i Three men about town had had a very I good day nt the races. Kach vowed that ,he woulVl go home ami cheerfully obey 'I the , (irsf. that Ills wife made to . him. A bottle of wine depended upon I I the result. I Tile following night they compared ' n<.Us. j "My wife told mc. as 1 clipped on t,bc (cat's saucer, ti break all the china in the house, so I did," said No. 1. "I happened accidentally to sit on the | piano." s.ud No. -. "and my wife su<r. j geslr-d that i should utterly ruin it, bo that instrument will be heard no more." Then No. •! spoke. "I went for the top step that was not there, and f<ll full length.'" he explained, "and my wife, remarked that she would he pleased to see mc break my nock." "And ?" queried his companions, breathlessly. "Oh. I am paying. , " STHfIMGER THAN FICTION. "By the way."' said the romancer of the, smoking-room the other day, "I don't, think I ever told you of a curious mci- | "cl-oiit that once befell mc. "I was staying in the country, and one | afternoon while out for a walk I rested on a wayside bank. On rising 1 discovered Hurt a sovereign had dropped out of my pocket. Tn vain I searched every- j where; no trace of the coin could I di's- ! "A year later I happened to be in the j same district again, and during the j course of a ramble found myself on the j -pot where I had lost the sovereign. *"[ elanibcred up the bank to pick some | flo-.vers. hut it gave way under rne.. and sent mc to the bottom. On picking myself up what do you think I found?" "The sovereign," was the unanimous reply. "Wrong! T foiirnl twenty-one shil- ■ lings. You see, the sovereign had been | in the nank a year, and had accumulated interest at the rate of five per cent."