RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XLVI, Issue 62, 13 March 1915, Page 16

RANDOM SHOTS

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"When ze Frenchman hunt ze tigairr," according to an old story, it is splendid sport; but when the tiger resolves to take a hand, and reverses the order of the hunt, it is something widely different. So, to give the .story a modern application, when the German submarine hunts the unarmed passenger steamer or hospital ship, it is "magnifique"; but ■when the merchant and other vessels join in the game, and eend half-a-dozen or more of the "unteraeebootc" under the sea permanently—that is war! The Germans expected to "stagger 'humanity" by the havoc wrought by their submarines, but, so far, it is mainly Teutonic humanity (or inhumanity) that ■has got the staggers. Thus the great 'blockade, or "blockhead," idea has come to nought, and our friend the enemy has had to fall back upon a threat to capture Calais once" more: Are we downhearted? No! Threatened towns, like threatened people, have a habit of living Ion"; and the British are no longer perturbed : by German brag of their great guns, their wonderful submarines, and their much-advertised Zeppelins. The big air-ships are showing as great an affinity for the solid land as the submarines have done, while the t>ig guns that are to sweep the Channel from Calais to Dover have not yet "materialised." ********** American sentiment is a very beautiful thing. It is truly touching to read of how President Wilson, from his lofty academic perch, praises the policy of neutrality, and incidentally smears the American voter with butter. In a recent discourse he said:—"ln this time of peculiar trial let the American nation exhibit the fine poife of undisturbed judgment, the dignity of 'self-control, the efficiency of dispassionate action; a nation that neither sits in judgment upon others nor is disturbed in her own counsels." That is to say, co long as her trade is undisturbed, and she can make a handsome profit out of the disturbed judgment of Europe. Yes; the American sentiment is very fine; bul English papers are spelling it "centiment," and are prononneing it with the accent on the "cent." ********** Modern proverbial wisdom declares that when a. man starts going downhill, he generally finds everything well-greased for the occasion. This cannot be true of cities, or else Auckland is a "bright and shining exception to the rule. The, Queen of the North is on the up-grade, and everything is . conspiring to' make her uphil! progress as easy and rapid as possible. Some time ago she let it 'be known that she -was open to receive all and sundry at her Greater Auckland Court. ' One . after- another 'bashful suitors presented themselves, and so well have they been treated, that now the .Queen's 'wooers' axe- tumbling 'over each other in their eagerness to pay their addresses •:<»■-,-her. AristocraticKemuera hasfJteen:-received, and others are said to. be coming, • from haughty Epsom to plebeian Eden terrace. \>Let them all come, ,, say I. Local selfgovernment is, all very well, but it is wasteful and wearisome, -whereas centralisation, within reasonable bounds, makes for efficiency and economy. There is no reason why one-local authority should not hold sway from the Whau to the. Tamaki, and from the Waitemata to the Manukau. In the course of twenty .years people may see Auckland a city of a quarter of a million inhabitants; and within the limit named there ie loom for a population of half a million, all dwelling in health and happiness, with model suburbs, and with an entire absence of slums. ■, * -. The "silver fcuHet" of the English appears to have been as famous a hundred years ago as it is to-day. In the London "News," in the year 1815, the following item appeared:— Tne wits of Vienna, in speaking of the Emperors. Kings, and Ministers, wbo are now residing in that capital, say the Emperor of Russia makes love for them, the King of Prussia thinks for , them, the King of -Wurtembnrg eats for them, and the Minister of England pays for them all. **niim* It is dangerous to give printed instructions for the pronunciation of French words. A handbook issued for the guidance of British troops states: — "Speak slowly and emphasise each word equally. When speaking to a girl always , say 'Mardarmwarzel.'." .. ' . I The "Tommy" who should fire off such a fearsome word at a French demoiselle would at once be taken for a hungry German, begging a mangel wnxzcl. I suspect Kitchener designed that handbook with a view to preventing gallantries. ********** The Germans have really been bociissed into the belief that they "are the people and wisdom will die" with them." For example, Professor Adolf Lasscn has been staffing them with this sort of thing:-— "We are morally and intellectually superipr to all, without peers. It Is the same with our organisations and institutions. "We do Rood to everybody. We are truthful: our characteristics are humanity, gentleness, conscience, the virtues of Christ." This recalls a really striking parallel passage in Kipling"* "Jungle Book," ■where the spokesman of one jungle family is made to declare:— "We are great. We are free. We are wonderful. We are the most wonderful people in all the Jungle. We all say so, and so it must be true." And who, think you, were these claimants to superiority? They were the monkeys, and their absurd pretensions led Mowg-li to cay in explanation: "Tabaqui the Jackal must have bitten them, and now they hove the madness!" It will take a lot of blood-letting to cure the Germans of their peculiar mania. It was written some thousands of years ago: "He that believeth shall not make haste." Admiral Sturdec must be as faithful as he is sturdy. Regarding the naval victory he recently won at the Falkland Islands, the story runs that when the flag-lieutenant, in his pyjamas, informed Sir Doveton Sturdee that the German vessels were in sight, the Admiral interrupted his shaving to say "Well you fiad better go and get dressed, and we'll, sec about it later" So, like Drake at his game of bowls, they finished what they had in hand- the , .nemy got-the "dresamg," laterl '