THE STORYTELLER

Auckland Star, Volume XLIII, Issue 141, 13 June 1912, Page 2

THE STORYTELLER

A STIC___H. FOB, ETIQUETTE. The members of a certain colony of artists tell with great glee of a comrade jvho, though he does pretty well in a financial way, is always "hard up." One day a collector called upon this artist to try to get him to settle a bill for picture frames. "I am exceedingly sorry," said the artist, "hut I cannot settle this bill at

present" '•"Very well, sir, When shall I call I again?" asked the collector.. I "It seems to mc," suggested the artist, suavely, "that it would hardly be j etiquette for you to call again until I ihave returned the present call" i A B__Tj'_J_'U_ COUDTJCTOK. ! A noted professor of music was superI vising the work of an orchestra at rehearsal and he became much annoyed with tbe conductor for his erratic use of the baton. Stopping the band, he

said to the culprit: "Mistaire Jones, you would mak . a beatrtifu! conductor —for zee omnibus; you was always behind." CHEEH XTP !

In New York, during the old' Bohemian days, Nat Urner, the novelist, knew every Bohemian, and had got so used' to - pathetic t_es,-x_ personal distress that whenever he met a man he uncon- I sciously assumed that man to be in hard luck. Meeting Frank Patan one day, he said to. him: "Well, how are" you," my dear boy?" "First rate," said Paton; "got an editorial position, got a' good wife, got a good bank account, and everything is lovely." "Well,' said Arnold, "never mind, old fellow; cheer up, cheer up."

THU __J___T _NX___A chaplain in the navy enjoys telling of his endeavours to induce a marine to give up the use of tobacco. During a talk that ensued between the two the chaplain said: "After all, Bill, you must reflect that in all creation there is not to be found an animal except man that smokes." The marine sniffed. "Yes," he agreed, "and you wont find, either, any other animal in all creation that cooks it 3 food!" AN AWSWABS COB__. The subject of "kissing before engase--1 ments for marriage" came up at .a whist club of half a dozen married, couples. It turned out that not one of the women had been kissed until her troth wa3

[plighted. One of the men had a poor memory: "We used to kiss, sometimes, didn't we?" he said to his wife. "_o, sir," she said, with deep indignation; "you tried to, and you fought for the privilege, but you never succeeded." "Is that so?" the husband, remarked; Tra kissed so many " "What's that? What did you say?" the wife asked. There, was a pa_s_ Intense but suppressed excitement was visible on the faces of the other married men. "I say," said the husband, "I have kissed you so many times that I can't remember when I began." Then the other married men breathed more freely. SO____E_H_ TO SMOKE. It is related that upon one occasion a politicians friends visited his house to Apprise him that a new honour had been conferred upon him. He was pleased, but after they had been seated a few moments the conversation lagged and the old* man - seemed to be ill at. ease. B_ wife tried her best to entertain the campaigners and the politician excused himself. He presently appeared with his boots and top-ooat on. "Gentlemen," said he, "we will now go out and get something to smoke. My wife is the boss here and we never have anything to <Wtilt in tb.e house." She looked pleased as ?he closed the door after them. "As I was saying," added the senator, "she runs the house, but, thank God! she doesn't run the town." ________r___o___oo___e_- _ OOBW_C____OO_ JcUXJU_G. Thsrf?s _c technical and locally accepted name of the automobile in Flanders. "Sne_" ..(note that. the. second letter is N, not Ml) means""iap_^ M "r_ard_oos'' means . "horseless;" "zoondee_poorweg" is the recognised way of desc—bing . a thing 'S__put railsr" and, finally, "pirroo—ijfcnng" mrnlres a thing "driven by petroleum." So yqu _eve it, quite simply; and mere "White W_j_s_" and "Drab _»__" are outclassed. Bui bo_ _ yon like *o "be hit-by a real "SneHpaserdeloosz—" eta, etc?