WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Auckland Star, Volume XLI, Issue 134, 8 June 1910, Page 8

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

(By "OLD SALT.")

Members of the New Zealand Alliance do not, as a rule, permit much to escape them, save windy words and frothy eloquence—an escape possibly as necessary to their well-being as is a safety-valve to a boiler—but ono paragraph of sinister suggestion has apparently evaded the notice of their lynx-eyed sentries, and no protest has come from the body which occasionally, mcthinks, doth protest too much. The report of a meet of the Waikato hounds concludes: "The field then adjourned to Mrs. Gleeson's residence, where all were hospitably entertained to afternoon tea; the Gleeson family being toasted in bumpers." Now, a bumper of afternoon tea is too ridiculous a thing to contemplate, and I entertain grave suspicions that there v.'ere more bubbles in that joyous draught than would be warranted by quite a number of storms in tea-cups; but, after all, as one may imagine a candidate for the Auckland East seat—which, this deponent' =ayeth not—inquiring, what can you expect from a lot of people who have already gone to the dogs 2

More than one person has growled at' mc for my reference in last week's column to the want of unanimity displayed at the mass meeting of unionists; but now I have the luxury —one that is always welcomed with an eager appetite—of saying, "I told you so!" What two Labour candidates are .going to do in the field is not ve-ry clear, but 1 will venture an attempt at prophecy. Both of them ivill be successful —in making necessary a second ballot, and for this reason they deserve the hearty thanks of all hard-worked deputies and poll clerks. As to 'the reason that there are two knights of industry in the arena, there lurks a deep and dark mystery. All that we outsiders are permitted to know is that the first gentleman selected objected to one of the planks iii the Labour party's platform; but which plank? Le bon Dieu le sait! A lesson might have been learnt from the proceedings at. Government House last Saturday, when boards proclaimed in all too emphatic a voice, "Behold, your" house is left unto you desolate!" Carpets were borrowed, and all the objectionable planks concealed, and if funds would not allow of carpets, drugget could have 'been made to answer, and in the case of conscientious scruples 1 am assured that "drug it" is just the thing. The Maheno's passengers will appreciate those lines of Kipling's in "The Flag of England," as do all who have been down to the sea in ships—

•'I draw the gliding fog-bank, as a snake is drawn from its hole, And bellowing one to another, the frightened sliip's bells toll. And day is n drifting terror, till I raise the shroud with my breath, When they see strange bows above them, and the two go locked to death."

Fortunately the Maheno's voyage did not end so sadly; but the «vipper and officers have all my sympathy and congratulations upon coming successfully through a peculiarly trying time.

Our Defence Department seems to have an unfortunate knack of giving offence to a big majority of the community without ever meaning to. AYe, in Auckland, have had our little bit of trouble, and now the good folks in the South are simmering with indignation because the Department refuses to compensate six volunteers who contracted typhoid fever while at' the Kitchener camp. Writing upon the subject, a New Plymouth paper says: "The men and their friends prove that typhoid tvas contracted while on service. The Department, in justice, must prove that the disease was contracted while the men were civilly employed," and it is not so much tbe dexter-ity-with which the onus probandi is shifted as the last two words which I find amusing. If the tendering of an enthusiastic welcome to a distinguished visitor is not civil employment, what on earth is civility?

Last Sunday the Auckland City and suburban fire brigades held their annual church parade. They assembled at tha Ponsonby reservoir, and marched to St. Matthew's, where the Rev. Mr. Gillam conducted an appropriate service. Naturally, my readers will complain that 1 am telling them about this too late; when it is all over, in fact, but that' is just what happened to mc, I knew nothing about it until it was a thing of the past; and now am simply devoured with curiosity to know what sort of service is considered appropriate to firemen. The opening hymn would probably be "Lead, Kindly Light," and no doubt ■the sermon would deal with the early and provident use of fire-escapes; but that is only guess-work, and 1 want a fireman to throw some light on the subject, even at the risk of darkening my lightness.

Many and bitter are the cornplainbs about our post office, but if seeing is believing nobody can complain of the service. At the same time, it is hardly fair to the public not to have given some intimation that flying machines were to be employed for the transport of our mails. Here is an extract from the mail notices displayed in the vestibule, and faithfully copied by mc last Sunday afternoon:—"Mails close: Via San Francisco, Tuesday, 15 July, 8.45 p.m.; arrive London, 11 August; via Vancouver, Wednesday, 8 July, 0.45 a.m., due London 12 July; via Suez, Thursday, 9 July, 3.45 p.m., arrive London 13 July." All I want to ask is: Why!

Inflnenza, try WOLWS SCHNAPPS hot, -with lemon, at bedtime. For Gtafonle Cheit Complaint*, Weodi ( Gmt Pepperwtat Cuw, J,/a, 8/8