PROFESSOR BOTTS' LECTURE.

Auckland Star, Volume XL, Issue 271, 13 November 1909, Page 15

PROFESSOR BOTTS' LECTURE.

(By MAX ADELEB.)

The show business, somehow, does not appear to be very successful Iα our town. One day last week Professor Botts, of Bal tlmore, came there to give a "'Stereoptlcou Exhibition and Lecture upon the Holy Land." When he began he took his place In front of the screen, and said: "Ladies and Gentlemen: I shall first introduce to you this evening some beautiful pictures of scenes In the Holy Land, which I will accompany with appropriate remarks, and afterward I will show on the screen some miscellaneous views of an interesting character." The first picture was a view of Jerusalem, and it was verj- fine. After the professor described it, he said: "We will now have a scene on the Sea of Gallllee." The boy behind the scene* must have got the pictures mixed, for he shoved on a view on the SchuylklU Canal, with four men in a boat In the foreground playing euchre on the deck, while a negro sawed a fiddle; and a mule on the tow-path kicked flies off ot his side with his near hind leg. But the professor didn't look around. Ho felt certain It was all right, and he eailed ahead. 'This body of water, famous In sacred history, Is beautifully delineated upon the canvas before you. The Arabs are busy launching their boats preparatory to going fishing, and in their wild and picturesque costume you caa almost Imagine them to be Jews of the time of Isaiah. The animal standing at the right Is a camel, which comes probably from Damascus to . Why, my gracious! that's not the right picture." Then the professor darted behind thp screen, and we could hear him swearing at the boy. When he came out he said: "The next picture will represent Moses crossing the lied Sea. You remember the circumstances; how the prophet fled with his people before the hosts of Pharaoh, ond how " Here the boy glided on a picture of General Washington crossing the Delaware nt Trenton, in a cocked hat, with ice nil nround his boat. The audience laughed. But the professor wns mnd, and he made another dash at that boy. We could hear him shaking him up and cnlllng him ugly panics. And when Botts came out again, he said that things were now so arranged ■that there would be no further danger of mistakes. "I will now show you a view of Solomon's Temple as it appeared In its original glory. This masterpiece of Jewish architecture was probably the most magnificent I suppose that boy must have become spiteful, and wanted to annoy the professor, for that very minute he pushed on a view of the Grand Central Station, In New York, with a fence alongside displaying an advertisement advising the public to "Use Johnson's Stomach Bitters for a tonic." We all thought the professor would loso his reason, lie danced around in search of rhat boy, and banged him with a stick until the audience cried "Shame!" and then kicked the boy out, nnd brought In one of the doorkeepers to feed the pictures to the muchlne. Putting In a view of the Dead Sea with his own hand, he came out and began his lecture again. After finishing with the Dead Sea, he said he would now show the audience a picture of the Death of Absalom, and ht> called out to the doorkeeper "Next;" While the man was getting ready, the profeseor said: "Absalom lost his life by reason of his hair. In the foreground of the picture you will perceive Absalom In the agonies of death, while the Osraelltes appear near him, watching him, and the beast that he rode Is seen cecaplng in the distance." Nobody ever knew how that doorkeeper came to do It, but somehow he shoved on a picture of the Klckapoo Indians scalping a woman, while the other Kickapous danced around and howled; and the only animal seen in the distance was a buffalo nibbling grass. The audience fairly roared, find tliG professor, kicking his foot tbroutrli the canvas screen', and rushing at that doorkeeper, exclaimed: "You insufferable ass! don't you know the difference between Absalom and a Mormon bishop? You ought to be In a lunatic asylum I" Then the doorkeeper hit him. and a flght ensued, from which the professor emerged with a black eye. He was arrested on the spot, nnd the audience ndjourned. He promises to avoid this town In the future.