WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIX, Issue 270, 11 November 1908, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

(By "OLD SALT.") "Last, loneliest, loveliest! "' was the de seription given of Auckland by a stranger within our gates, and) a travelled and talented stringer too. How very much neglected, by residents, are the pleasing prospects around us, is indicated by an extract from the list of amusements which were announced for last Monday — " The principal outdoor attraction is the Auckland Racing Club's meeting at Ellerslie/' A man. vile of course, and by the way ma-king a living on one, writes to me—■ Some loves to ear the little birds a-sing-iu\ Some likes the sea, and talks about "the strand," Some likes to 'ear the bloomin' music ringing, As the Army picnic rallies round the band. Some like a mooching , , silly Nature study, With, bottles, beetles, miscroseopes, and things; Some cycles over dusty roads or muddy, Some goes afloat and eiugs about white wiugs. Give 'em their way; bin when I wants an outin'.. The "birds" I -want are what is known as "dead." Give mc the horses, course, and "'bookies" shoDtin", And, blow mc, but the tote bell's miles ahead.

Who wants a swell? Whr "lumme," for a sinner, I wouldn't take a "111115" down for "Id"; But if stranded, missin' every bloomin' winner, Why! that's a "strand" no bloke should ever see! At a recent meeting of the Otago Employers' Association, a speaker deplored the degeneracy of an age in which a. highly paid trads refuses to do an honest day's work, and pointed (no, not tuck-pointed) his remarks by quotinga resolution of the Bricklayers' Union, to the effect that none of their members should lay more than four hundred bricks a day. " It is well known," continued this well-informed gentlemen : "that a thousand bricks a day can be laid with ease " — possibly he meant tipped, seeing that this modest estimate works out, for an eight hours' day, at two bricks and a decimal per minute. It,-.is that odd (nor not "hod' , ) decimal -which is going to give the trouble when this employer goes to visit the trade. Members do not like stranger; to poke their noses into the methods of their trade, and—not to work it out too finely—half a brick is neither here nor there, but all the. same, distinctly unpleasant when " there" is indicated by the offending nose. The sume speaker waxing warm toward the close of his oration said that " the sooner circumstances force us back to a ] harder life the. better.' . Each one to his , taste, of course, and if this particular ("not to say " pernickety ") person does not find speech-making sufficient outlet I for his energy. ]pt him try listening to one of his own from a gramophone, or let him "■ bash " a policeman—hard labour would follow as a matter of course. Per-i haps the best can't help that repetition, it. comes, of course. ( ! ) from dealing with brick-layers—w/>uW tor him to obtain employment a bricklayer's labourer, and so achieve lasting fame, if not honour; for anyone can sec what would happen, and instead of future generations speaking of " where the, chicken got the axe,"' they will say "where, the orator got the trowel!'' Probably no one will believe, it, but as an actual personal experience, the story must be told. Only last—but that would ■ be giving a clue—when passing—hut that would be giving the show away, so it! seems that this veracious history will ' consist of a grf:vt many blanks. * Any- j how the oci/asinn was evidently a wedding, and as no sympathetic man likes to >.cc a brother in trouble without knowing j something about it, I waited to see— well! the cause of the trouble—the effect was obvious. To my profound amaze- j ment. just before the happy couple] emerged, the orga.nist. at the—(ah! voulji you! i —selected from a.n evidently limited repertoire, and as a. substitute for Mendelssohn. What do you think? I •'Onward Christian soldiers. Marching as to war." God help them!—l mean God bless them! I Although East'and West appear deter-j mined never to meet—the reference is 1 u> continents, not electorates. North 1 and South have been linked together wit-b bonds of steel, which it is to be hoped will never deserve, fop wajifc of | use. the opprobrium ca-st by a politician I upon a Vietoriaji raiiway, which be described as eonastan-g of " two streaks -of 1

rust and a right of way. 33 Ifc. gested that differences between -member, and institutions of the two cities-T •'Tale of Two Cities" innedU— sW* be discussed and settled at the justoricat ivpot where the final linking -was effected, or as Manganui-o-te-ao is poetically » ferred to, " the hallowed preciacts of tJ* silver spike." It seems to he a ver» suitable spot, in which to bury a liateheif but it appears to be a necessity that somebody should have "the spike" fe. fore adjourning there, and that is rathsj like crowding things. A contemporary dweUs Bson the fie, quent "use of the irregular construction of the reciprocal pronouns," and says-. "It is astonishing the number of educated people who are being constantly tripped up over the use of Vho' and 'whom.'" WelL, I suppose even ■welleducated people like to be astonished now and then, and such as do may easily gratify their wish by perusin* the. column from which my quotation 5 taken, and at the same time learn what to avoid in clumsy diction. From the same muddy fount of learning (a s jjj. tinguished from knowledge) anotoee bright illustration may bp. culled: "Mi 7.30 o'clock all the available sitting ae. commodation was occupied, an unusual]?! large proportion of these .being ladies:"" Brethren, have we extended the suffrage to the ladies, only to sit upon them? D In the very near future it seems thai Remuera is to have a lire brigade of itj own, and no doubt the insurance companies will rejoice with exceeding great joy. The members of the local Board are, however, somewhat deliberate in their methods, and intend the in.' auguration to he effected by instalments, lAt their last meeting it was decided -t*. purchase five hundred feet of Jios'e, andto make enquiries as to the cost of* 1 reel. Other embryo projects are the, building of a. cottage for the turnfeocfc! convenient to the hydrant—which is apparently a permanent fixture—the erection of a stable and the purchase .of a; horse—what an opportunity was missei at Mt. Eden! All things come to those , who wait; but they come a lot quickeß to those who hustle, and after all it is the suspense that kills. Who can con. template without sympathy the anxiety! of the fond parent whose juvenile.'n'ifr spring had swallowed a shilling, and, itf ', response to a too-powerful emetic^, brought up twelve coppers? That must! have been a terrible strain—to the. parent, of course, for he, too, was getting ■ it by degrees.