JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIX, Issue 237, 3 October 1908, Page 13

JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY.

Man iz the only thing that laffs: angels don't, brutes kant, and devils won't; but thare iz more decepshttn in laffing than in tears. A loafer kant change hiz karakter; once a loafer, the taint sticks to him for life. It iz mutch more profitable to listen to a coxcomb than to contend with him. Coxcombs are like flys—let them alone and they will soon buzz someone else. Impudence and brains combined are what wins in this world. Hooks are like gide-boards; they kan point out the road to the nex town, but they kant sho us how to make a dollar when we «rif thare. Thare is hardly enny person but haz twice az mutch laming and philosophy az he haz common sense. 1 never knu a man yet with lied full m- brains that could whissell or sing a tune korrektly. He who sees nothing but virtew in mankind iz a phool, but he who sees nothing but vice iz not only a phool, hut a raskall. too. 1 don't kinside.r there iz enny sutch thing as bad Ink or good Ink in this world, but if thare iz. we make, it ourselfs. Tbe safest man on the footstool iz the one whom prosperity makes caushus and humble. When a fellow smotos us on one cheek I presume il iz Christianlike to turn the oilier, also: but az far az the fellow iz concerned. 1 don't sec. the policy in it. Lawyers, ducks, and doktors are remarkable for their big bills. I have seen men who were so cunning at a trade that it waz real fun to be cheated bi them. Civilizashun haz given us rum. tho fruitful eauze ov more sin and mizery than al the horrors ov barbarism combined. It sounds glib and butiful to hear men talk about governing mankind with luv, but the only way it kan be did an win. iz with a rod of sum kind. Honesty, edukashun. and politeness are what make the perfekt gentleman.