THE STORYTELLER.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIX, Issue 168, 15 July 1908, Page 8

THE STORYTELLER.

THE BEAR AND THE HAI, II At the London "Zoo," a few weefe I ago, a man accidentally dropped' his hi* IB into the bear-pit. Within a second h* l« was across the railings, and II pit after it I In his descent he alighted upon & detn. I ing bear, which rose and seized him witb I that joy which possesses such a creature I to whom the opportunity of a lifet%, II has come. I The keepers rushed up with their prod. I ding-forks. 1 "If you don't look after your> bloom. I ing bear I shall do something to it * ''' I said the intruder. . ''jT' I They lugged him out, not muchdaniS: I aged. . ~ ; 1 "But what about my 'at!" he,isaid,'tgV ■ he saw the bears reducing it to. pulp I He ivas most anxious to go hack ior 9 I it, and, as they would not let hinynext I day he sent in a bill for the cost.of ■ new one. '• : j I A LARGE FAMILY. ' V I "Have you any children, Jones f v I "Oh, yes! You know Robinebni* •-'.■ I "Which Robinson—William??' i ■■■'■ I "Yes." I "Know him very well! What* Gut ■ got to do with it?" . . ■ -'.'J,": ■ "I'm going to tell you. He and I haw I fifty-one between us." ■ "What are you talking about? • I must mc crazy! What do you mean?" - J I "It's quite correct; he lives on one side of the orphan asylum, and I on ti* ' I other!" . ■■ :^j."i\ I HIGH PRICE OF JAMES X. - I SILVER. I The high price of £4200, or £46 13/4 I an ounce, was obtained at Christie'*,.,V: I London, the other day, for a very tar* . I and beautiful old James I. gilt roaewater • V I ewer and dish. ; V- ,:• y It was only after a long and spirited '■' I duel between Mr. Crichton and' Mr. ; s I Harding that the two pieces were »e-' J I cured. The former started with a bid Of ? I £500, which his opponent instantly $ doubled. Then the price was gradually I raised by £50 'bids to £2000, and after* * wards by £100 bids to £<iOOO/ .., '■:■■ Here a long pause took place, bnt \-: while the auctioneer's hammer wae etHl •;.- poised in the air another £100 .inai called by Mr. Harding. This'wae capped by Mr. and at £4200 he mi declared the winner. I Three years ago a similar ewer and I dish changed 'hands for £4050 at the J] great Huth sale, while the King ie knows I to possess a very beautiful dish of the ' same kind at Windsor Caetle. '. i : OBEYED ORDERS}. I . The Presbyterian Church here lately;'put in a new Irish caretaker, who was. wildly anxious to oblige! Not l«Bg after] Mike's service began word came' to the' . .' pastor that some of the young men whe. had been granted the privilege of the ' ; church's reading room were in the habit of smoking cigarettes therein. The pastor immediately called up the custodia* el the church: ~ i : "Mike," he said, "it's reported: jiang- ' men are smoking cigarettes in our wd- - j ing room." . . ■ i•'. "Yes, sor," said Mike. ;, "Please see to it that-4t don't h&ppea again." . , ; . "All right, cor." A few evenings later the pastor net the janitor on the street. . ; ■ - "Did you stop that cigarette smoking! "Indade I did, «or.» i-l \ "Make-em mad." viT "No, sor, They loike it better." T? > "Better?" |. •_.>.-', "Yes, sor. I told 'em th , rheotor didn't want any mollycoddles 'rffrmd ih , radin , room schmokin cigaroots, all got poipes," OF COURSE IX COUXDIPT.' Pat Casey and! his friend Mishael C»Bey •were unloading the van in their usual haphazard fashion, and were handling one barrel very carelessly. * Wt '.". "Hi, there!" said the man in charge of the job, "be very careful with "that. . It's gunpowder." " ! "And why," queried Pat taking th^;v opportunity of an instant's rest, and an, argument. " Why should we handle ; powder with such particular care! "j Wm " Well, don't you know that a barret of that same gunpowder exploded last , ; • year, and blew ten men to smithereens,*? -< roared the foreman. "Oh; then be aisy," eaidl Pat, /%uie iifeS couldn't do that now. There's onJyK two ay us here." , : * "J^ WHAT THEY WANTED. • < f|l The students of an Eastern collegeife grew so reckless in their/ behavious that wfi, the professor one morning at thought to reprove their conduct-.by ai@)s lecture on morality. They listened with due submission and humility.. the course of his lecture he said: . ■ -l^feS "My young friends, the floors of are paved with champagne, automo-;fif|ri biles and chorus girls." He was horri- |i|j; 5 fied to hear one of the students say in lt?§| a sepulchral tone. "Oh, Death, where is thy sting?" |§U LIKE THACKERAY. •' ' H A man who had literary aspiration wU but lacked the literary instinct tmem wrote a story and took it to the editor S of a magazine. "I want you to read B it over carefully," he said. "IPs in- I tended for a satire, and, if Ido say it S myself, I think it's pretty clever." ffl The editor took the manuscript and 9 began to read it. A page or two siif- S^ need to show him its utter hopelessness H for purposes of publication, but he hesi- ■ tated to crush a budding author and ffl proceeded to temporise. ;'; "Why, Mr—er—Simmons." he "oid H "your story has some crudities of style! fe of course, and—er " ' ■' ■ i. • . M "It's better, as you get into' it," in- I terrupted the other, complacently IPa I like some of Thackeray's stories'"' i "Ah, yes. Mr Simmons, you do re- B mind mc somewhat of Thackeray." I 'Vo I?" grinned the caller. ' "Ye£," rejoined the editor, handine I