A QUESTION OF LAW.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 256, 26 October 1907, Page 14

A QUESTION OF LAW.

(By MAX ADELER.) I called in at Mr Lamb's to obtain his name for a petition te the city connc'.l for a gas lamp -upon our corner. Hβ was sitting in a lower room, with a baby npoti his knee, and Mrs Lamb was close by, operating a sewins machine. They were e-ldently greatly exciter] about something, and before 1 had a chance to state my errand, Mrs Lanjb said: "Do you know anything about law?" "A very little." I said. "Why?" "I'll tell you," began Mr Lamb. "Never mind, Achilles," interrupted Mrs Lamb, sharply. "I will present the facts Well, you know Mr Dobbins up the street here?" "Mr Parker Dobbins," said Mr Lamb. "The first name is not important," saM Mrs Lamb. "There are no other Dobbinses about here. Well, Mr Dobbins has a fondness for ballooning, and he undertook to take a balloon voyage iv a balloon of his own yesterday." "In the morning," said Mr Lamb. "Achilles!" said Mrs Lamb, rebuking the interruption. "The balloon arose swiftly from his garden, and It sailed over the tops of the houses until it came immediately above our roof. Here it liejran to descend, and Mr Dobbins threw out a *:and bag which he carried for ballast." "Went right down our chimney," said Mr Lamb, jolting the baby upon his knee. "Don't anticipate mo, please," exclaimed Mrs Lamb, in a severe tone. "The bns fell into the flue of our chimney, and the house was filled with smoke. Mr Lamb, with his usual want of sense " "Want of sense, darling? How can "Yes, your want of sense. I mean what I say. Mr Lamb clashed thirteen buckets of water over- the kitchen floor, and then lie rushed up stairs and threw two chairs and a washstand out of the window." "As gently as I could, my love." "No matter, you threw them. Just then Mrs Smith, our next door neighbour, called and said she had seen the sand bag enter our flue, and so we discovered what the matter was. 1 determined to try to remove the obstruction." "I determined, too," eald Lamb. "Do bo still, Achilles! Mr Dobbins, nowever, while passing over Magruder's yard, it seems, became frightened, and threw out his grabbing tron, I think they call it- " "Grappling iron, dearest," interjected MiLamb. "Well, it's of no consequence. And, at any rate, Magruder's servant girl, Maria, was in the yard fixing the clothesline." "Feeding the pigs, I nncerstand," said Mr Lamb. "Achilles! Mjnd the baby and hush! And the grappling irons caught in her skirts and lifted'her clear off the ground. Just then Mr Dobbins, it seems, threw out more ballast, and the "next moment Magruder's Maria was carried, screaming, several hundred, feet in the air." "About as high as the weathercock on the Baptist steeple," explained Mr Lamb. "Never mind him," said Mrs Lamb contemptuously. "However, Mr Dobbins, hearing her cries, let some gas out of the balloon, and Just as it came over our roof, he cut the rope o£ the grappling iron and dropped Magruder's Maria right upon our chimney, directly over the flue." "We hadn't any idea she was there," said Mr Lamb. "Pray, don't be absurd," replied Mrs Lamb. "Of course, we were not aware that she was sitting upon our chimney, for we were in the kitchen. Achilles here, with his customary recklessness, insisted upon blowing the sandbag out of the flue with a half ketr of Dowder." "Well, darling, you know you tried to push it out with a brush handle, and couldn't." "So he placed the powder in the fireplace and exploded it. Tie stove and the brick work, of course, were torn to atoms. The teakettle was hurled through the window, and two dish pans, a tin cup, and a potato pasher hit the door with frightTnl force." ■ "Jon forget that »ur hired girl L wa»

knocked down with the coal scuttle," said Mr Lamb. "Pity It didn't knock you down. Well, before we had recovered from the shock, Mrs Smifi rushed In, breathless, and said that she had seen Magruder's Maria, while sitting on our chimney, suddenly rise, turn Bine complete somersets, and " "I think, if I remember rightly, she said eight somersets, Lucille, dear." "Oh. hush! Turn nine somersets, end then fly off at a tangent and fall. Mrs Smith snid that Magruder's Maria, while turning around, seemed to be hugging something that looked like n pillow." "A show pillow, wasn't it, she said?" asked Mr Lamb". "You're a goose, Achilles! So we all rnshed out after Mrs Smith, and a later we found Magrndpr's Maria curled up on the straw in Black's barn yard, with tlie sand bag in her arms. It had shot out of the flue, carried her with it. and here they both were. Magruder's Maria was not hurt, only breathless, for she had fallen on the straw. We gave her something to brine her to." "A snifter of brandy," said Lamb. "Snifter! How low and vnlpnr! And when she revived, we carried her home, and this ißorning she sued us for assault and battery with Intent to kill. Do you think we shall have to suffer?" "I—well—really, i don't know. It seemsto mc that Dobbins is the actnal culprit, and that he oujht to be punished." "That's what I said," remarked Lamb, timidly. Mrs Lamb went to him, seized his ear, and marched him out of the room. I improved the opportunity to withdraw, an] we got the gas lamp without Lamb's signature. The case of Magruder's Maria against Mr and Mrs Achilles Lamb comes up in June, and Maria announces her intention to carry it to the Supreme Court If she can't get justice any other way.