MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 250, 19 October 1907, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Teacher; "Had Noah a wife?" Small boy: " Yes, sir—Joan of Arc." "And what is. your new little brother's name?" "They haven't found out yet." First Verger: "Have you matins in your church?" Second verger: "No; just linolemn." Algy met a bear. The bear was. bulgy; The bulge was Algy. The one time when a man really wants the earth is when he is seasick a thousand miles out. Why is it a dangerous, thing to sit in the free seats at "a church? Because you learn to be good for nothing. "Edward, did you pick all the white meat off this chicken? " "Well, father, to.make a dean breast of it, I did." Tramp: "'Madam, I was not air ways thus." Madam: "]M"o, it was your oilier axiri you had in a sling yesterday." Flossie: "And how did you meet your second husband?" Gertie: "Oh, he ran over my first one with his motor car." TAKING A SHOWER-BATH.

BEFORE..

AFTER.

" Tell mc frankly," requested a "young novelist, "is there anything Original in my. manuscript?" - "Yes," answered the editor; "your spelling." . Taking candy from, a baby, So say I, • Is. a simple process, maybe. Ever try? '■■■' Bystander: " Should you say that picture was" taken from life?" Critic: "I don't know; but the world woulun. 7 t suffer if the artist was." The time passed very pleasantly, and ii was not till the clock and the neighbouring bells struck one that the lateness of the hour struck two. She: "IVe got a father-and a-.muwer] and a grandfather.'' He: "And.'ow old; is yer grandfather?'' She: "I don't know, but we've had. him a long time." . He: "li an old millionaire on the verge of the grave wanted to marry you would you. throw mc over? " Shei "Not necessarily. Still, you might have to wait a year or two." Ethel: "it say, Jack, what are ethics?" Jack: 'Oh, ethics:—well—it will take mc- «. long time, to explain. But why do, you. want to know?" Ethel: Because I've been appointed chairwoman, of the ethics section of our girls' club."

' Blinks.-. ''The first nrfodnk ti ism is to divide with vonrffii aaat '*'' is it not?" Winks: f<jj- olei!°W'nia«,0 le i!°W'nia«, principle is to make y<)UT .' ■s* '"•-?»»' divide with you." "Wow-n^ Brown:"Robinson's the mosV'tWgoing man I know. HehaVi -? ou gri . give up smoking; and oo d * * what he has done?" T^ 9 ' kno, »' Brown: "He's taken aS» months in a gunpowder factory;" Si * Magistrate: " With wka't i n , : fe- - or article did your wound on your face '■■**»■ -, ™ 05e Came: "With a ' Magistrate: "A whatr" aT ' -motty '-one of those frames S-fii bless our home' in it." ""•'• r .™^>4-, "Edith," said the girl's mothbV « did Mr. Huggard stay i night?" "I don't kn^^ul^■''girrl, blushing. " I irucss the 2 r ? il h9 didn't know.what to do" cffiH? little brother. I heardfiSfell every once in a while, "Oh, W C.^ but the next minute she [ "Now, I am to warn.you" v ' B iij'V mistress, "that mine's not.a-v^i* 9 place There are ftve of UsVaniS a good deal of work." right, mum," replied the^^f never was in a place yet that f make an easy place.. . mum, if you just know WUttJe^dfldgS First Club Lady: "You ' were.".-wethf late in leaving last night, pened when you got : hoia'ef'. Secoird' Club L ad y (indignantly).:;.'"^^ Why, I expected that my husbahd' B0 .iid be waiting for mc on the staits'uta^. ous rage, but the horried; man 4as in" berfsouni asleep. 11l not go .\ooe.kte again, I can tell you." .. DP TO DAm,- :-.'V "Where are you going tn,, •mytrettf maid?" . f" " *Tm going a-hiking, s&,?.:Bhe : Baii "There's no bell on- yoW.jbikej' bt pretty maid.". .. "' r -.';V; "Therein be. one when" she said. -'■ . " ''.■'•'"._'[. . PAT'S MIDNIGHT 'ADVBHTBBif : l -An Irishman friends in London how one mgit, on're* tiring tombed, he thought he' saw a ghost, and having a gun handy;.he 'shot at'it. Next morning he exanririeij; tie'b¥ject he had shot, and discovered ittt'be iia snirt. "What did you dortfienl"asked one of the company.""'"Begorral'? replied Pat, "T just thanked Pfoviderice Tmai't inside ov it!" -"'"'...•- ---WHAT" HE MEANT.:"."'? An ocean-going captain, waa so iiM given to using "bad langnageJ ffiifiliji first mate' made' a could not do without Jm a week. " All went well iini£ aißfttpf a squ-all came on, and the Sauore'Tfen£iip aloft doing their differeiit duties.''^As " eaptairf'-was their work.- -He stood il as" IqSfg fe'be could", then he" threw las ; ajr aa. tta ■ xieck in a■-•t^•SrWrng , "'rti^;>J!i^e'i^i , ; and shaking his fist upjit ; t]w'lnei£'i9 hissed: you,-my ; what I mean?" .'■-.. -.'. ■::.. ■:...'.V-*,'* } ; QIJITE OBVIOUS* ':' ; / '•''.' There is -at times a. -crushing^■w^ghfc in the-ihnswers of cnu'dWodlwliicK tka grown-up dealers ,in repartee "sighri after in-vain. Here are a'co-ple-of genuine answers recently giveii'tb the' world: "Why," the teacher not enter fthe Promised LanafV-MdHlia I -answer' came- thus:' "''Becanse 'J&W dead, sir." '■"•' V; '.'.'.. Then with that deserves tafcreMrried another Scriptural- answer: "WiiKS; bones," it was asked, "did'the' Children. I of Israel take with trierii when, tney'feft Egypt' 5 And the-'answer v/as, '"Sieir own,-sir." -' ------ •„ -. "!V , . ...-..- CIiOSE-TlffiSa''. ; J--* : Twas a proud dayfor." .': Eor some time he had. suspected wlp' : -he stroked Ms face .that there;'»as:S'»- ~ .thing there, and now he wascertaatot . it "With trie temerity ot fesiMW &? pushed, open the door or the.lffi-al toher's shop, and breathed- ■ found he was the only customer. 3 . Calmly he took possession Qttia operating'chair, .the towel-had' jfek W 1 , placed beneath his chin,' —the door opened, and in.' stalked IMS') i ' : rowdy brutes horn the:,p!SceK.-ruiis*ai. Briggs, and Baggs. ■ '; ; V £'- . "Shave, sir?" said the barber..to-tM . , horror-stricken Jones. "." /•- Vl ' "N—n—-no," blurted o'uf tte-Tinfprto-ate youth in desperation,- "f-fi"*;^ 11 ': ed, please!" - •?*'■'"■ •-■ .-■ ■• ""■.-•--,-"■'• -'>;■