WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 169, 17 July 1907, Page 3

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

By " OLD SAXT."

To read that relations between nations are "strained" is somewhat perplexing, owing to the various interpretations of which the word is capable. Belowstairs —in the. culinary department— "straining" is'usually employed to make matters ' clear. Above-stairs, it seems to make them very, thick indeed, or it would be less difficult to see through the diplomatic manoeuvres of our American cousins and our Japanese allies. The wrath and covert threatenings of the Americans have, so far, been met with the suavity peculiar to dwellers in tha Flowery Land.

A Lord High Admiral declares BimseU delighted that. the visit of portion ol the United States navy should isynchronise with the chrysanthemum season, and thus a pleasant welcome he assured. Surely this is the soft "answei that ought to lurn away wrath, especially with a people, so f pna of throw-, ing bouquets at themselves'as Jonathaa and his brethren.

A publication has reached mc this week, in which is printed what purports to be' a serious story, although I am glad to see that its author only claims, "serial" for its title. A, pleasant weekday evening spent in drinking and fightin''- is made- "the matter for an. audit, and the balance-sheet shows that while the country's benefit's to the extent of some three pounds odd; the,, cost of coroners' inquests, prosecutions, and judicial hangings amounts to some fifteen hundred,- with the additional incidental loss,to the State of some ten human lives. The writer adds: "When I state that such a night's work is not uncommon; this balance-sheet is not without its significance." If this be a . sample .of Prohibition book-keeping, I . should strongly advise the,party to keep such books to themselves, as only a very sober man could- help laughing at such absurdity. The author, by the way, subscribes his name with M.P, attached, but—•' \ "M.P." may for Member of Parliament stand* . , Abm. an "M.P." stands many aspersions; But the author, I think, of the matter IB ~ Meant '"M.P." to spell "M"ainly "F"er«!, versions! ~ . '£ The strenuous life in which our sis- - ters of this later day exult appears to think that sufficient charm is bestowed ] upon votaries without the assistance of artificial aids, and this abstraction (I refer, of course, to the "strenuous life"), appears, to have entered into conspiracy with the weather to demonstrate that man wants hut little here below, and, t in any case, not enough to last over the very necessary changes of temperament and the unavoidable ones of temperature — "DUETTO — THE SWAN'S. SONG! , * The whistling winds from W.S.W. Blow coib". o'er the goling links, Where each girl, wishing to look her best, Remorsefully thinks and thinks. The plalster has dropped from my elbb'vrjoint. And my sleeve is far too short; Bnt,, by evening dress! Must I disappoint My boy, at the dance, for Sport? Must I go, to the ball with a blackened eye? Sprained wrist and injured thumb? The one, from a ball I tried to "sky." The rest, from a football "scrum." I've hockey-ed and golfed the long daya. through, —I should ■ have been home instead — W]hy "Boses Bloom" mates noses blue, And cheeks an unnatural red— Oh! questions enough. I have asked. Sα now, . / Let Strephon Inquire instead, If the Queen of his heart, have still W3 vow, Now she is not Queen of his' head. ,, - STREPHON". ; "Can summer girl and a winter girl. Transform Vith a simple mask,. Of "Creme Simon" or "Blanc dn Perles"! I fear tis too hard a task. For the girl outdoors and the girl inside. Are wide apart .as the poles; A mate in a car for a motor-ride, Or bunker one, over the holes. Is a different one, from the one with whom You want to sit out a dance. When you flit away from the crowded room, For a seat on the stairs, perchance. Yet, there, when the tender music falls, And you want to fall at her feet Remember! young men, there are' Duty'a calls, And music must go by "the beat." So: Take your time, or two at a time, The nearest or best at reach; But if the twig they should seek to lime Keep out of the reach of each!" To one who reads between the lines-, how suggestive is the restriction in the New Zealand Shipping- Act, which forbids the cook taking a wheel, fc "evea though he be an abbvbodied seaman." "Are you the mate?" said the ingratiating patsenger, to a burly seaman, as lie stepped over the gangway. "No!" was the somewhat truculent reply, "I am the man as cooks the 'mate,'" and the passenger, recalling old stories of cannibalism, determined; to give the galley a wide berth, an example which my readers will do well to follow, for out of a ship's galley little that is good can come, and although Providence sends food, a, particularly malicious devil sends cook 3 to sailing ships. To boil sea-water without burning it, is their qualification, and to return to their master—at the be-hest-of tae ship's master—their destinajP" l : _!<-•— ; "" • " T" r \