A JUDGE OF STYLES.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVII, Issue 149, 23 June 1906, Page 9

A JUDGE OF STYLES.

King Solomon had rather a knotty j problem bo solve in the famous case of j the infant with two mothers, but what would he have said to some of tin; every- ; day tasks of a County Court judge? Judge Smyly, for instance, of the Shore- ; ditch Court, was called upon one day this week to decide a momentous dis- : pute between two excited females as to whether a dress made by the plaintiff i was a good fit or not. The plaintiff, a j flower hawker of Bethnal Green, sued j the defendant, a dressmaker from the ! sarae aristocratic locality, for the value | of the dress, which it was alleged bad been spoiled in the making. The plaintiff began with a voluble dc- I scription of the defects in the dress, so | his Honour told the. lady to go to the j private room and put it on. so that the j Court dressmaking expert might ex- ' amine it. On returning, the defendant \ convulsed the CouTt by shouting, '"She's ! got a pair of stays on with no bones in." ' Plaintiff: That's better than having' none on. This dress is to short, your i Honor. It is only 42in. and I. being so j tall, ne>9d a 45in. skirt. Just imagine ; mc in a short skirt. j Defendant: You don't mind wearing' a pair of stays with no bones, but. you j are afraid to show a bit of petticoat. ' Plaintiff: I can't even pull this to- i gether round the waist. You try if you I can, your Honor. j Judge Smyly: No, thank you; I am . no hand at it. (To tbe defendant) :Do j you say that she ought to wear stays : with bones in them to rope herself in, > so as to make her dress fit? , Defendant: No, but your Honor must \ know how floppy she must be with no , support. , Judge Smyly: I am afraid I don't know much about these matters. Defendant: If it doesn't fit, why did she go to a ball in it? Plaintiff: I had to wear Bomething. It was made with puff sleeves because I wanted the latest fashion nnd short in the arm. but it was so badly cut that I could not raise my arms, and had to , stand like a kid at a school-treat. ! Defendant: Ladies don't generally; walk about with their arms in the air. Plaintiff: Then it doesn't fit round the hips. If your Honor will look you will see that I cannot even pull it together now. Will your Honor come and try and null it round my- waist yourself? j Judge Smyly: Irnust decline the offer, j So far as I can see the dress seems to j be the best, being most stylish and i fashionable, with top puff sleeves. Plaintiff: Y«s, your Honor: but how would you like your wife to <re to a theatre in a dress which you could not pull together round ber waist and in a Bktrt up to her knees?

Defendant: Wear proper stays. Plaintiff: I swear this to be the pair ; ; I was measured in, and can show a bill i for the last pair I bought a week ago. i Then, again, the sleeves had two kinds of lining last time —(starting to undo : ■her bodice) —so perhaps your Honor ■would look to see if that has been alter- ; cd. I 'Judge Smyly (hastily): Xo. I don't wish to Bee. Plaintiff: Will your Honor allow any independent lady or gentleman to come j up and see if they can pull this round j my waist? i ! Judge Smyly: Silence in Court, or I j i will have it cleared. I think this dress is a good fit, and there will be judgment for the defndant. with costs. I \ -VISIONS ABOUT." j I "Welsh ale is good, but Welsh air is ! better," said a recent visitor to the Principality. The, air, like the ale, however, appears to be a- good deal too strong- for some people, and highly provocative of religious hysteria. No sooner had the first furore created by Evan Roberts' hysterical preachings died down than clerics and laymen and i women began to indulge in "visions," to have special visits from white-robed angel?, and Divine commands personally given to them to call their neighbours to repentance. The latest Welsh cleric to create « sensation is the Rev. Meredith Morris, J a curate in charge of Garth, in the mining centre of Maestag in Glamorgan. This gentleman, a few Sundays ago, professed to have had a vision of the sudden death of a certain youthful member of his congregation, and by a, curious coincidence the young fellow did meet -with his death a few days j later. j Last Sunday Mr Morris made refer , ■ • ence to the fulfilment of his vision, ana J proceeded to try to put the fear of God i into the juniors of his congregation by a most sensational outburst. In an ultra-dramatic fashion he declared that ihe could see through all the youths of I the congregation, and could point out I any guilty of sin. A long pause fol- I j lowed, aud the, minister, shading his j eyes with his hand, looked round the congregation, and pointed to several. : "The sin most prevalent in this district is drunkenness," he continued. "Drunk last night and at church to-day" (pointing to a man). "Drunk last night, and took the sacrament to-day" (indicating another). "Drunk last night, with the foam oozing from your mouth, and toI night singing 'Jesu, lover of my s>oul (pointing to~a. third). Mr Morris then remarked that the next worst evil in the district was card-playing, and proJ ooeded to refer again to his vision, to I the great distress of,* the dead youth's J mother and fnther. Having reduced a considerable portion of his audience to tears, the minister himself indulged in ,i a violent, fit of sobbing ere continuing < ; his tirade against gambling. Said he, I "There are six gambling dens in Gartb, {and Hell has opened a tifauoh here lately."' Here the preacher worked him ■ self into a state of .zreat excitement. I and pointing in turn to six or seven men jin the rongrpgo tion shoutpd. "There nr« i those before mc at. the present time who -gamble. I know ii; T fan read it in I their faces. Stop it, I command you. ■' or you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven." i Last Sunday, he proceeded, he had asked those present at the evening service to pray for those for whom lie was concerned. Only two did so. "You and you" (pointing to two people!. "Why ' ; diil you not do so, (pointing to anoj ther). Raising his tear-stained face, ! and pointing his hands upwards, hn exj claimed. "Father, forgive them."" Then, ' turning to the congregation,'lie said, "I : promise you. if you pray to-night, ■ some of those whom 1 have as a burden lon my soul will be saved next Sunday." I Then with a great shout he cried. "You I can't- deceive mc! I will know by ten ; o'clock to-night how many have prayed ■ for the young men. 1 repeat, you can't, deceive mo, for I can see through you.** He again began to sob, and alternate > outbursts of fierce denunciation (with "I personalities and without) and crying marked the service to its close. Mr Morris professes that ho does i not know afterwards what he has said I in the pulpit and says that he is "caught lup by a power higher than myself into i sorue higher eonscio\isness, and to see a p gro.it light, and to lose Sisrht of the I people, before me."'