MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVII, Issue 149, 23 June 1906, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

liepectors fe there anything the matter ■with your gas? "Yes, sir. It has a Tery bad case of quick consumptioii." 1 "He says they have a servant at bis house who just goes tearing through her days "It must be therr wash woman." Flippant: Oh, yes, I knew the colonel Tery well—l shot, at his house last winter. THd you bit it r "She says she is a blue-blooded Eng-lish-wo man.* 5 I shoulcbrt wonder if she is right; I saw her early this morning and her nose was bine."' "I suppose yon saw some hard Sghtiag?" said the admiring eiviliaiu "Yon replied the trooper. "Especially ! around the supply wagjoa."'" Fashionable Lady (addressing little girl, aged four): How many brothers and sisters have you? Little Girl: X'one. I'm the only children we've got. "Too are sure that man cheated?" 5 "Yes, sir," answered Three Finger Jim. "He held four aces." "But that is not conclusive evidence." "It was in this case. I knew where <he three regular aces was myself." "What are you doing now. Scriblets?" "Why. I am just about to start a magazine. 3 ""Under what name* - "' " The Age of Woman.'" "Do you think it will be a success?"-' 'Well, it I is doubtfuL" ! | "I never saw snch parents as urine ! are." grumbled little Johnnie. "M.im--Ima won't let nae stand on my head, and papa makes an awful fuss because I J wear out my boots so quick. 7 ' • - " "So you no longer call your pretty •little home "The Xut-she'.'*? Why did | yoa change it?" ""1 got so tired of hay- ; ing funny men ring my bell to aak if i the 'kernel' was in." Notary: Sign your name here. Uncle j Rastus. Rastus: Ah, doesn't write ma I name. snh. Ah has no time fuh dem I triSin" details o' business. Ah alius die- ! tates ma name, suh. Pa Twaddles: I can't see why that ! young idiot who is eallinsr on Molly I hasn't sense enough to go. Ifs midnight. Tommy Twaddles": Taint his j fault. He can't go—sister's sittin 5 on ! him. Little Theodore: Shall I take your hat. Mips Peake? Miss Peake: "Xo. thank you; but you're a polite little man, all the same. little Theodore: Xo: 'taint that. I just wanted to get the hatpin to stick into Tommy. Mc an" him's gain' to have a ferht' in the ! balL Sweet Girl: Tbe •man I marry most he both brave and brainy. Adoring; Youth: When we vrere out sailimr and upset I saved you from a watery f»rave. "That was brave. I admit, but* it was not brainy." "Yes, it was. I upset the boat on puroose." • ■ CONDONED. ! She: But do know I hay* an uncle who is a member of Parliament? ne: Xever mind, darling. I love yon too much to let that stand in the way. FEELING DOWN. "Poor Gussie Mashington Ls leading a hand-to-month life just now." "Has he lost bis berth?" "Xo; he's raising ; a moustache." | BADINAGE. j He: I~n see wickedness in —our j c " re *- .. Slle: Are you sure it is not" the reflection of your own. ■ A SMART BOY. "Xow, boys, what is the axis of the earth?" asked the teacher. "The axis of the earth ~ said Johnny, ■ •Is an irrtagixiary line which pE&=es from i one pole to another, and on it the earth j revolves.'* j "Very good, Johnny." said the tea-cher. j "Could yon ban? clothes on that line"' 'Yes, sir." "Oh. indeed; and what sort of clothes, i may I ask?" j "Imaginary clothes, sir!" I HATED TO GIVE TROUBLE. A woman in a certain hotel came down ' to the oSce and asked the manajrer if she could get a glass of water. "Cer- i tainly. madam," he rep-lied, and filled a glass for her. She carried it awsy up- i stains, and quickly reruimed for another. i "I so hate to trouble you," she mux- j mured. When she came for a third and then a fourth glass in swift succession, the ; manager grew curious, and what ; she did with so much. T know youll j=st scream when I teH yen," she replied, "but I am trying to i put cm a fire in my room."

; First Aeronaut: Young Highly vxsa !to be leading a fast life. Second Aeronaut: Yes. *ad It *K3s to do it Tritiiout any -visible tubus aj support. MAKING SURE. He (who has just become engaged to his typewriter): And note that ire M engaged, dear, I suppose I muss look oci jior another typewriter? J She: Oh. don't let that worry yon, da» i ling. 11l select her for yon myself. j REASSURED. A learned professor, noted for fca p<-ver of concc-ntration and for Sis a> i sorption in the matter at hand, eani I home one night still concentrated on tts thought of the evening. He had scarcely j pulled the bedcovers "over himself ifea he heard a slight noise. ! "Is someone there f he asked. "Xo. professor." , replied the introse under the bed. knewing his pecnßarSTi Inhere is no one here.* . The professor gave a sign, of Ttfid, and turned over to sleep. "I Tras almost certain I had Iteara ■ someone." he remarked to himself. ; SCSIPTOiAL PEOOF. i At a coloured camp va cating in Q&d" 1 lina a. testifying referred to himself r.nd hi= Ticeonvertcd brctheis as ; "nigse?-." , in a spii ir of ?Hjec-t hunnlltT which he deemed weß pleasing to {ilaker. The presiding elder ad* his speech at proper iEtertiS Ifinally threw out a senile retexke. I '"Vail yo'se"f a euLud pussan, aoiifi"he admonished 'Ovigge^ is a term oh reproach invented by p* o^ 1 Trhite folks. Bey ain't no mentioa B£* , Gooc Book of niggers." j "Oh, yea, dey Ls, parson," the peßtct ' contradicted solemnly. "Dent jw releet de place -whar it tell about sig* l Demus!"