RANDON SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVII, Issue 72, 24 March 1906, Page 12

RANDON SHOTS.

samitiel?

Seme write a neighbour's name to lash: Some write — vain thought — for needful cash. Some write to please the country clash, And raise a din. For rne, an aim I never fash— I write for fun. 1 wonder how many more dives will be dived in search of those 17.000 odd

<-evereigns that went down with the j ' Elingamite? We were told after the last ; j expedition returned that the Elingamite [ had prar-tically disappeared, and the I specie with it, not so much as one coin J : 1-t.nir discoverable to give colour to trie fact that it ever existed. In short, we were informed that the treasure might ! be scattered over the floor of the Tas- I man Sea anywhere east., or north, or , west, and as far as the sportive currents i . had a mind to carry it. And yet. within" , a. week or two another party, quite un- ' daunted at a task that apparently might ' give pause to such a necromancer even ; as .Tulcs Vernes. ar. light-heartedly off , in pursuit of this will-o'-the-wisp treas- , nre. Is it a desire to prove by practical illustration the value of that yen- I erable save. '"IU blows the wind that profits nobody," that induces so many folk to put their more or less valuable time and hard cash into of the lost treasure recovery order? Or is it to be explained from the fact that the average mortal really derives more genuine delight in pmrsuing the shadow than in guarding the substance? It is rather too complex a problem to argue out in one paragraph, but tbe circumstance remains that no matter how wild or impossible a scheme may appear on analysis, let it be but plausibly put and have for its object the troving of lost treasure, whether it be tbe discovery of the buried wealth of the ' Peruvian Tncas. or the fishing for doubloons among the wreckage of the drowned Armada, there is hardly one of us but will have an itching to be in the venture. And yet there is absolutely no rational ground upon which to base this eagerness to participate in such a chase-. Of all fool-hunts it is about the surest, regarded from the practical standpoint of - averages—on the spur of the moment I ran only think of gold mining invesf- ■ -roents as being worthy of comparison with it—and, properly speaking, is a luxurious form of recreation. It is. of course, a sporting sort of recreation, in which you stand a chance of getting- a run for your money, aud occasionally a dash of excitement thrown in. Bnt it is ruinously expensive as a pastime; while, as for excitement, an ordinary game of football is a less precarious way of finding it. And yet. if any imaginative individual propounds a pretty look- ' ing scheme for the finding of Cleopatra's jewel case or tbe buried wealth of Atlanta, we read of the proposition with glittering eyes, and envy tbe lucky ones who are allowed to participate. The averages go-bang and tbe off-chance looks very alluring. And R.I.P. usnally sums up the end. so far as the treasure is concerned. _r_t4_ , S__ _.■_■•£• There seems a pretty lively possibility that in the near or distant future the phrase "killed by kindness" may retire in favour of one suggesting considerably less of persistent attention on the part of the benefactor, although the difference Mill be in but a little word. "Killed for kindness"' looks at the first blush almost as benevolent as the other, and perhaps it may be. and even more so, from the purely ethical point of view. But although on an average something like a hundred per cent, of us would willingly run the risk of deceasing by an overdose of kindness, the idea of succumbing to the first dose is more stimulating to the imagination than exhilarating to the senses. With the introduction of a lethal chamber would , come along, perchance, a variety of novel notions concerning the blessed , quality of kindness. Should we develop into a community of rabid pro- ' hibitionists, for instance, the bibulous gentleman who pleaded guilty to a • fourth or fifth offence within six J months, instead of going into retirement t for a term at Mount Eden, might out of ' sheer kindness be sent on a longer journey. Such a kindly innovation would no doubt exercise an immense amount of ; moral suasion to the encouragement of j j sobriety, and the field for similar acts of kindness might become indefinitely en- . larged. But whether the getting in of | ' the proposed thin end of a thick wedge would result in an increase of cream in the general "milk o' human kindness" is darkly problematical. 1 really think that the bulk of us. under such possible circumstances, would vote in favour of continuance, even if it did mean the prolongation of life to a few incurables and pain-racked unfortunates. T wonder if there is any place of the same size with more street fights than Auckland. There may be but I have to learn where it is. And then even when people do fight anywhere else, they g. _e-1 rally have at least the decency to smash one another's faces in back streets audi out of sipbt of respectable folk. The j other Saturday afternoon there was a I general melee at a point where the whole ; traflic was impeded, and ladies were not I only forced to look on at an exhibition that might reasonably be described as disgusting, but they were positively endangered by the stray blows of these, men. On another occasion two people of a very unattractive appearance to begin t-it-i, began a fight in His Majesty's Arcade. An acquaintance of mine, thinking it would be a pity that they should lose what little physical attraction remained to them, mildly appealed to one of the bruisers to desist. In a second he found that he bad to take a third hand in a public display of "claret-tapping" and eye-bunging, and all those other feats that so delight the heart of the average of that class that calls itself man and is mostly beast. Now, I wouldn't interfere with two peopte who

cbose to fight in private; it would »< satisfaction enough to set them down as fools. But that people with stomachslet alone some ideals of humanityshould be forced willy-nilly to witness two hulking braves performing anatomical feats on one another's faces in a public street is surely a little unreasonable. Whether it can be finally stopped, I i don't know; but I fancy there would be ; a great deal less of it if one of the j .-stipendiaries tried the experiment of | sending one of these exuberant gentleij»B<_a £$>. £rg 4hree, months' si gswj...

I said that I would not hare a man interfered with for fighting in private; but I would certainly have even him looked upon as a reversion to the primitive type, a person who was tolerated but was not quite fit to take his place in the scheme of civilised society. "We'll see who's the better man," says th e lowbrowed bully, knowing that the mere meat of him will outweigh for that moment all the brain force, all the beauty, all the decent human attributes in the world. He can't really think that he is better than anyone out of his own class, which is strangely useless to the scheme ! of civilisation. But apart from that ex- j treme, what a preposterous view that men are to be estimated in an ascending j scale according to their capacity for! blackening people's eyes and making their noses bleed! Mind you, I don't believe the idea of tbe superiority of the winner in a fight over his foe will quit? die out v* a superstition for a long time to come, even with quite intelligent people But still it is surely a sort of last kick—if a long one—of the dialectical methods of the savage. Have you ever seen a bruiser really played with by a man of wit—a man who absolutely twists the great hulking animal round his finger: insults him with gentle satire, and then soothes him in tender accents, and leaves the poor wretch blinking and wondering what it is all about. There is a pathos in it, and you almost widen your sympathies to pity the bullyor after aU in these days his scope is limited, and it is growing less. I don't remember what Mr. H. G. Wells does with fighting men in his "Modern T topia." but 1 should imagine thai if they still exist, he places them among his anti-social types in one of his comfortable gaols.

.fc ______ _ __

This is a little story about an Auckland householder, and it has at least the merit of being strictly and accurately true. The scene is laid in one of our* suburbs—hour about two in the morning. Enter, walking very fast, a lodger, who, having found his abode, opens the door as silently as possible. Then an idea strikes him. He is tired, and the night is still—shall he arouse ■that peaceful household by stumbling up those gloomy stairs? Perish the thought! and after making a remark in a whisper to this effect, he sits down on the front doorstep and proceeds to take off his boots. Enter a casual passer-by. who, observing the lodger, now bootless, on the threshold, at once jumps to the conclusion that he" has dropped on an incipient, burglary. Exit passer-by in great haste in search of the police; enter tired lodger into peaceful domicile. Meanwhile the householder about whom'this story is told has arisen from slumber. I forget what his duties are, but he is a baker, or a fireman, or something else that entails rising about 2.30 a.m.—so he arises. Stealing down the stairs on tiptoe, lest he should rouse the sleeping family, the master of the house steals quietly out upon the doorstep. Then, from the somewhat disjointed account furnished by the householder, I gather that he got the impression that one of Captain Edwin's cyclones had reached him. For he was whirled off the doorstep, dragged down the front path, yanked out of the gate, and dumped down on thn pavement, and when he fully came to himself he realised that an ISst. Irishman was sitting on his chest trying to fit on a pair of handcuffs several sizes too small. As soon .as he became articulate he yelled to I the lodger, and that innocent cause of this tragic mistake rushed forth in very disorderly attire and helped first to identify his landlord and then to put the fragments neatly together and drop them carefully inside the door. The householder by latest accounts is recovering rapidly, and the policeman is earnestly demanding promotion. But how very awkward it must be to be suddenly and violently accused of burglaft* ously entering your own house!

■■H. __•___■_•_£

Even in this remote quarter of the globe I suppose we may take some interest in the news that sausages are going to form the one and only centre of attraction at an exhibition to be held at Berne next year. It is understood that 1755 varieties of .sausage are to be shown, and as my London newspaper so naively remarks, _t seems incredible that so many different sort of sausage could be gathered together from the four corners of Europe." But you must understand that the Germans take their sausages more seriously than their foreign policy. In fact, it is recorded that a German edition of one of those ancient and moribund books of "confessions" once , asked its owner's friends, "What is ! your favourite sausage?" The preceding question had demanded what was their favourite landscape. The only possible connection that I can see is in the colour effects, which in the sausage are sometimes weird and wonderful. I have just been reading a learned disquisition on German sausages apropos of this exhibition, and I am in the position now to distinguish at least the names of the "eervelat wurst," the "salami wurst." with its subdivisions of "Salami di Milano," and Swiss, Hungarian, Russian. German, and Dutch "Sa-

Miami"; the "mett wurst," which is a i J mere pork sausage; and the mighty > | tribe of the delikaiersen -vnirsts." But of i j all. the "salami wursf'fascinates by its - j mystery and uncertainty. "Supposed to i [be composed chiefly of the flesh of usses ijand mules (and even this supposition jjdoes not gTeatly appeal to mc), the sauJsage manufacturer is often driven by ejthe scarcity of these materials to cert j tain undefined substitutes, which the a j German regards as insulting in their 5 1 baseness as compared with the full . ' g-lory of ass and mule. But theb c i he forgets that mystery is the essence j,-of the sausage: one should be ..prepared for surprises. I mean her s t that, one should be prepared for anyv ' thing, and surprised by nothing. The sausage is the great waste-product of ,Jthe people who feed us; and it is only ( a question of degree whether Tve find jin our sausages tilings that are nasty j'.and look nice, thinks that are nasty , I and look nasty, and things that are „ | nice and look nice. I once opened a | sausage of bring pink—really bright :pink. Perhaps it will have a name in c . j the German exhibition. 1 deferred 'l j eating it till I made sure.

°l ===== c -' S - L The American woman is anxious to _ j demonstrate to the world her capacity sj to run a theatrical enterprise just as -[well as mere man. Accordingly, Mis: - j Gertrude Haynes has placed herself at . | the head of a company, who will stage 11 a woman's play written by a •woman, 3 ! financed by a woman "angel" (that is c | just as it should be); while all the staff f j (advance agent, boxkeepfers, doorkeepers, scene-shifters, and attendants) will lbs t& tba fm &gg,. . l -.t... i ,,-.i...m„ '■~..