MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVII, Issue 72, 24 March 1906, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

"I like the old songs best" «„A 1 - Because nobody sings >^ k WWIW . Fcmd Mother: "__^" t Yon t_?. 1 I is very like his father?" Sfr h _ # "Well, yes, they a^TS**^!

_ "Pa," said little Willie V _ i : jar one o' them kind that's ti^/' 1 % servm'?" "Scarcely, pa; "at least, not for D _e«Prlpeace." p - . £ |*«__ t_,

Willie: Say, pop, a financier., that makes lots of money, ain-f v."*» Pop: No; a financier fevigets hold of lots of mQne | i£»?.*ihave made. y °%t 'ptjfc

Magistrate (to old _ee.___.f"What,you. I thought lllfll to come here again?'' GentUn. - - n< * Dock: •'•Tain-tTmy was forced "ere. *■ ■ oao^«*

. Tombstone: I suppose yc.ulta.wTr is declaring that this _ coat-of-arms? Woodby. What

.. • __ -_. nonsense! try . designed it myself. "% 1

"What do you suppose _m_i. when he first arrived in anatomy?" "Well, under stances, I should suppose down to blubber." • - *'?!.«

-Murphy: Father, phwatV S scnption they're talkin';about%«* newspapers? *". u '.--Ui 8j Father: Why, it means that t_lH to volunteer to foight, whether S_! n to or net." "weiaer j e^ Master: "You say there. _ '"$' the door wishes to see hkj hke a „. exactly like a something like yourself." - - V-i 1 ™

"You have bwn allowing -<*~*., chance in your housed sa i| twT*, • trate to » delinquent publlcaf M your Vvorsliip-noz-was the defaS there was no chance about it : v'lZ body cheated." ■ ~ k ?'

Policeman: "Well, litHe'-gj^if m cant tell vie your nfother- s f where she lives, how are wetofind-lierr' Little Girl (lost while -o__sLopph,..j : - '•Jr?s* put mc in a, slipp" window^_rf mamma'll be sure to see me,"' .-':'

Eriggs: : 'How you smell of kerosene'" Griggs: "Yes. it is thelasliionabl. mifume nowadays. It gives, one tha fair oi possessing an automobile.-: I always' put a little on my pocket,handkerchief before I come away froiu home."

When at dinner in St. Txiuis_che:3aT, Thackeray heard one waiter say to bather, "Do you know who that isf' "So? was the answer. •"'That's the celebiate. Thacker." "What's he doneV "Biased if I know," waa the reply.

Mother: '""Why, Johnnie,- v yrliat on earth have yon been doing?" Jolmnie: "Fighting! And you owe _j ijil_._. crown on it.. Yon knowthat tootfeyoa was. going to pay a dentist, to tins;? ''Yes." "Well, Tommy Biffer knodaj tt out.' " ; '' "-.-;.-:./,- .

The latest story- 6&>ateenUm£aM- . ness comes from Ba l th l _whfi.te 4u_Jio__ia_b____a__ent]y jfenhd.»-clock'fidmj on a doorstep: - On l_ocfe_4 .$ the householder easily e^3ain^ T ;_J3tters; he had merely taken the B-St-jiig upstairs with him, and phi-the clock outside in a moment of meiital iiern. tion. - V-

A nervous freshman -was.Uii_ngfi.__ the president of Magdalen _ollegei^Oxford. By way of starting conrei_s_iio_ the latter glanced -out of_£ .randim and remarked, "We have a vhttle.'sns to-day," hut he was a3to_____«_ "to receive the freshman's congratulation-, coupled with the hope that-3_T3; ■—-• ■was doing well, . . . ' ;.

PRESENCE OF MTN-.

_ understand that you aie-to-beM* gratulated, dear!"' "Oh, no, the engagement is bnfeea off!" .'---" ■'.--

Yes, that is what I heardl"

Old Clerk (proposing a fotst to f tt« heroine of the day).; theJbign privilege of celebrating to-day, as tre i« every year, the twenty-ninth birthday.« the "respected daughter of our estaM employer. IJere's to .her health."

There was once an old man at WaßJ* "Used to dream such remarkable dr*!" 1 * The folks stared aghast , : . At the things he'd forecast, j And gave vent to their ten*, ' sCremyss. ' ".

An archdeacon (such origin is necessary to lation), speaking in Yorkshire the .ot»« day, invented the following "Why is a parson like a camel?-**T~ he c_in go on and on ana nerer.;W* how dry he is." -.-""''_

Prospective Father-in-lair;: you have again disappointed sgg||p ter in postponing her coming m**™®Suitor: "Well, you see, I have ceived unfortunate news that anctt who had been given up ha_,3f«_covered somewnat." .... ~

"Keep your temper, laddie, old Scotsman to a rather fiery son. "Never quarrel wi' ««pp son, especially a ™ m "%. soft answer pays best. Its -and forbye it makes them far ggg than anything else you could W- -:.

First German posed for the band of £*&>*■ daughter of Mr. Goldmg, %&gg& railway king. S^fS C S« "And are you accepted? I"**: Count: "I don't know yet, I have |g rf on her father to-morrow with a™* my creditors." - jj*

First Contractor: £*£ lows happen to get a job rf«MgJ the pipes in Smug-street? Hpgg| laid o_y a few years ago, was nothing the matter ww* • f Second Contractor: I the sight of the elegant on that street was altogether too.,t*B>P tag- '.•■"'- .-':-: I

In tfo North Country official *mo is as good o. canny Scot as one would nM!et Jzr *%> On a recent occasion ness failed to appear, and the m*f m was furious." "Why mand3d the magistrate. to be here. Where is hef iM jjrfr with true Scotch I J>-Hr- m 3a^T, »- "Weel, I'll no say for thrtj."*'* > , $■4." . • --.- '- _._•— —-"V