RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Issue XXXVI, 21 October 1905, Page 12

RANDOM SHOTS

Borne write a neighbour's name to lash; Seme write — vain thought — for needfnl cash. ........ Some write to please the country clash, And raise a din. For mc, an aim I never fash—. I write for fun.

To-day is the hundredth anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar, and even such an irresponsible individual as old Zamiel can hardly let the day pass unnoticed. These celebrations do a world of good. The theory that patriotism gains nothing from them is a fallacy that did not come from patriots—it came from people who were either just a little bitter, or else just a little inclined to sneer at anything wider and more beautiful than questions of co.d. and the price of merino wooL Of course, it might be that a girl who loved you would never mention your name, and so it might be that a man who never wished to mention the glorious past of his race was really enraptured by its beauty and grandeur. Personally, I am in both cases sceptical. Such girls or such men are too singular in their composition to be taken ■for granted. The girl who loves a man and the man who loves a fatherland are equally ready to defend their love and to justify their faith. ' The girl may not blow kisses eternally, and the patriot may not everlastingly beat tin cans; but both one and the other •will sometimes and somehow contrive to show that they are hot so bound to selfish interests but that their love must sometimes break through and shine 'spite of all- And if that is not so with the most of us in New Zealand to-day, we may be very sure that the days «)f heroes, the days of national devotion, the days that made a Nelson, have gone for ever by. And that I for one do most strenuously refuse to believe.

As I have had occasion to state before to-day, I am a very patriotic person, and I certainly think that we ought to commemorate the great historical events and anniversaries of the Empire with all the enthusiasm we can muster. But there is such a thing as being "instant out of season," and a patriotic celebration on the wrong day is just a trifle inappropriate. I am thinking just now of what is popularly called "Guy Fawkes' Day," and the strenuous efforts made by the youth of these colojaies to celebrate that day several weeks before it arrives. I wish to place it on record that on October 18 I was approached by a small boy who in earnest and confidential tones besonght mc to "remember the Guy." And sure enough, just around the corner in charge of two junior members of the young patriot's family, was the old familiar figure—corpulent, dejected and disso.ute, but still by virtue of his mask the .unmistakable counterfeit presentment of that "Guido Faux," who in an evil hour experimented "with high explosives three centuries ago. Now, as my readers are probably aware, I like things to be done decently and in order; and 1 remonstrated with the youth to the effect that he was just about three weeks too soon. In my zeal for patriotic tradition, I always make a point of "remembering the Guy" if I meet one on November o; but this was really "quite too My young friend didn't seem to take much interest in my historical view of the situation; hut when , he found that I was obdurate.he moved off, hoping politely that he would meet mc on "the fifth," Personally, I have j my doubts—that is, unless he takes mc by surprise. as it tnf * * * * * * TTTTI?TTTTT But while I am willing and anxious to assist in my own small way in maintaining historical commemorations— iespecially when they are cheap — there is one thing about this Gfly Fawkes business that ■i distinctly don't like. The average very small boy in the colonies doesn't know much about the historical significance pf Guy Fawkes. Day, and I regret to add that he doesn't care. What he iwants to do most at a certain siage of bis growth i§ to collect pennies; and be has seized upon the immortal "fifth" as a reasonable excuse. The consequence is that for weeks before and after the genuine anniversary of the gun-po\vder plot our streets are pervaded by hordes of children worrying the passers-by and disturbing the peace of inoffensive householders with requests for pennies, presumably to be expended inthe cremation of the devoted "Guy." Now, I think that this sort of practice has a very bad side. It is not a good thing for the average child to be allowed to prowl about the streets at its own sweet will; and an excuse of this sort is just the kind of argument that the average parent finds it hard to, resist; hut bad as it is for youngsters to run wild in the public highway, it is iriuch worse for them to cultivate the habit of begging. And this is what" the "Guy" business is degenerating into. The great majority of these children who wander about with the "Guy" get "familiarised with the notion of begging, and I regret to say that they don't get rid of it as soon as the "fifth"' has gone by. I haven't noticed it so much in Auckland, but in two of our Southern cities I have-obs-erved that for weeks after Guy Fawkes Day young children wandered about opening gates or offering to hold horses or carry parcels for strangers, on the chance of receiving the inestimable penny. This I think is shameful and. demoralising. Fax better have done wii\h Guy Fawkes Day altogether if it is going to introduce pauperism and street begging among children here. Wherefore I earnestly protest that the celebration of the gun-powder plot—-by the way, this year is tbe ter-centenary of the great event—should be confined to November 5 alone; and I respectfully : beg my readers to. reject with decision any solicitations for pennies on behalf of *tne Guy," either before or after the eventful day," "V ." r -.-. ;■ ********** so certain in this old world %l- **? T and I suppose IT is this glorious uncertainty of things that really makes life so .interesting to the inajoraty of us. .fact, there is very little room for doubt upop the matter .-.whatever, in spite of much and vigorous assertion to the contrary. Take any a V erage man opt of the street, arid cbntvince pirn: that his sojourn oh this pianet in the living flesh wiU termin«eat fnxb a»d sucp adate,/and"that; »':' ; :

man will no longer know the .zest and joy of life. He wffi straightway become a poor, hopeless, lingering atom of purposeless humanity. It matters not so much about the length of time that will elapse before his dissolution, a* the moment of it. It may be 30 days or it may be 30 years, the moral effect will -still remain, save perhaps in yary>' ing degree, if you can only convincehim .'as to the exact date and hour of departure. The fact that within the limit of this same period the chances of his sponge of life being squeezeddry are to be counted with every sun that rises troubles him not at ail, for with a light heart he calculates only on the odds in his favour, tormenting not his soul with reckoning up the odds 1 against. In short, his whole being palpitates with the instinct of the speculator; rob him of the opportunity of exercising his faculty for speculation, and you rob him of his most cherished possession. In everything we do we are taking chances, we arc having more or less of a gamble, whether it be in the taking out of an insurance policy or the purchase of a new Panama hat. And thus it is that sometimes, in reviewing the situation, and as one who seldom ventures beyond a modest and occasional half-crown sweep, I am inclinied to feel pessimistic concerning the j issue—l mean, of course, the gambling issue. The gambling instinct seems to be so inherent in the genus humanus that I pause dismayed when attempting to forecast its eradication. And the instinct is not one that can be classed among recent discoveries either; it is just about as old-established as the creature himself, for was not the forefather of us all the greatest gambler in the record of history? "When Adam staked Eden against a bite from an apple, he instituted a precedent that many of his descendants may have emulated, but never one has approached. While I sympathise, therefore, with those who are so zealous to stamp the evil out of existence, I sadly fear that our capacity for regenerating, at all events this side of* the millenniumj niay not prove equal to the praiseworthy effort to regenerate.

I have often wondered where the "exclusive' and "special" news of certain enterprising continental and American papers is made up. Bat so far as Europe is concerned, I should judge that the most successful emporium for original composition of this kind must be the office of the Paris ""Echo." In a late issue of this interesting daily, there occurred a passage referring to colonial athletes in a manner which really deserves a little attention. After observing that athletics axe carried to quite remarkable lengths in the British colonies, the "Echo" goes on to state that should the Australian Cricket Eleven (!) now landing in New Zealand (! !) win the 'majority of the cricket tournaments

(! ! !), every member of the team could on returning obtain State employment at a large salary (!!!!). I think this is on the whole the most delightful muddle in the way of news that I have ever come across. When you come to analyse it, you see that it is an attempt to put into one sentence the acts andfacts included in the visit of the Australian Eleven to England, the tour pf the Australian football team in New Zealand, the trip of the New Zealand football team to England, and the appearance of the Australasian tennis team at the recent international tournaments. For the people who like a great deal for their money, this is indeed a windfall. As to the State employment at a large salary for the returned heroes, I presume that this is a shadowy reminiscence of the generous treatment accorded in long past days- to certain Australian cricketers. But won't Seeling and Gallagher and Tyler and Geo. Smith be pleased to hear it! However, the "Echo" had not exhausted its imagination even in that wondrous sentence; for it goes on in the next line, to inform its readers, as a further proof of the popularity of athletics in Australia, that "G- Reid, Australian Premier, is coming over to swim from Dover to Calais." The spectacle of George Reid, clad neatly and chastely in porpoise oil and goggles, a la Holbein, plunging through "the chops of the Channel," certainly makes a lovely picture; and I am inclined to think that the "Echo" man must have seen Hop's famous sketch of "our George" swimming with the immortal "dry dog" in the pages of the "Buletin." Of course, swimming men know that there is or was an Ausitralian water champion named Read; 'but these are fine distinctions unbefitting the serious consideration of a truly j creative artist. Yes, when I want any 'really imaginative work done for mc. j will certainly go or send to the office lof the Paris "Echo."

********** ' It would appear, on no less an authority than the Harvester Trust, that the I Harvester Trust has been cruelly misrepresented to the colonial public That this simple and inoffensive combine ! should be noised abroad as a rapacious and merciless invention for the destruction of competitive industry, and subse--1 qnently for the bleeding of the agriculturist," has hurt its tender sensibilities lto the very quick, and its huge shoulders shake with the sobs of indignation it can no longer suppress. It is truly affecting. The latest articulation of its protest, I believe, is the circularising of New Zealand farmers, urging upon them to take no notice of the wicked calumnies that have been broadcasted against its fair name. Do not believe them, it pleads, but wait and see, and then judge for yourselves, or something to the same effect, and equally suggesting the wounded cry of a lofty and noble spirit conscious, only of its own rectitude. It is really touching, is this confidence in the credulity of the New Zealand husbandman, although, pf course, I am not in a position to say how it has been arrived at. One tiling there is, however, upon which there can be no manner of doubt—the colossal nerve of the creature, which is, perhaps, after all. only to be expected, if a due sense of proportion is to bp maintained. It is purely a truism to remark that no course was, is, or ever will be, taken, however good, bad, or indifferent that course might be, without some attempt [at justification on the part of the per- ; p'etrator. But this plea of the Harvester Trust that it should not be judged by the colonial farmer until it had, in effect, swallowed up the lpcal manufacturers, become nicely established in the land, and with the ■ erossbones and grinning skull flaunting bravely in the hzefeze, is monumental, even for a Harlyester '' Trust. " Its ' present' " record in the land of Columbia itself is such that one can only'gasp in.: speechless and wondering admiration at the attitude of injured mnocence it is adopting to bamboozle the inexperienced colonial. 'Such an attitude is'not ridiculous;'it is sublime..: arid our colonial manufacturers would surely firia death in the jaws of thegerifle wolf that' adopts a pleasant and ian edify in& cad. "'" ,->..■