MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Issue XXXVI, 21 October 1905, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

MrsS. (after tiff); «r . I met you!" Mr 6.-. «Xemr\z* *«*«* I it's too late, you are mtffag&i "I wish I were, a Boldier» £ sweet young thing. "And ,*»' the timid youth. "Because. I •*»««*!?* heaT the call to old 4 *«* Taken a, 1 , Her WrirrW&u *j . the reporter that your P a secret?" -ft,, and tnTSSftS* never put it m the paper at an.™ tWs l "Papa used: to call mc an ta«v*^ , the bride of six short month* s?' wondeT, rejoined the nuri <f 6 „ always harping about *'* I "Have you decided on a naaje &,u j baby yet, Tanksley?" "Yes, w«r> e £J~J j her for my new automobile.'' "ttCi* j "Fact, We call her Gasolena," : Meaning Not C^~-hende4--Vv to . ?? th ?v '71* do^ r ays 7° a *«3S kiss the baby, it isn't sanitary Neighbour: "Poor little feiW-' don't you wash him?" ' ? His praises everybody sings, He is esteemed in many kn^g. He has a way of saying thini* ' That no one really understawb. Lady Teacher: "Children, yon always respect your teacher. Xo«. Willie, tell mc why you should reta* mc?" Willie: "On account of yon r i« miss." "She is a very sweet, gat" the heartless flirt has promised to marrr four different men." "Well, thafgfffci* I mean; fief manners ars m*t ejata ing." w Neighbour's Pretty Daughtetj. "Stf* j much is this a yard?" Draper's Sfot i (desperate "spoons" on her); "Onlj oft j kiss." "If it's so cheap I will fake ftm j yards, and grandma will pay you." Pat :"Tis always th' urrapicted ttot j happens. Whin Oi wiht home late hslfc j noight Oi ixpicted raft woife woolij hit mc wid a- poker." if ike.-. "An' th* didn't?*' "No; she used th f flat-iron.* The Skeleton at the Feasi-Shoir. man (to his partner): "Here's a pi, 'Jack!" Partner: "What's up?" Shotman: "Why, the skeleton man's bin gtf stolen the fat lady's dinner; an' tv blowed if he ain't eaten it all tool"

Irate Angler (waking tratna): e *Why l I can't you look after your beast of t dog? It's been and eaten all my iuncS." Tramp (hungrily): "What, all the lot, mister! Well, he shouldn't 'aTe oW that if I could 'aye 'elped it!" j Straight from the Mint.-'Mcitj ! "Charlie Callow is only a kid, but I sup j pose you are going to marry him he. cause he has money." Alices "Yea; T« I very fond of lamb with mist Sauce." "I manage to keep my . btiardea longer than you do," said the first landlady. "Oh, I don't know,** rejoined iU other. "You keep them so. ihia tilt they look longer than they regally tit? Supbafifl: f .tip yfakft ty£ tie house is on fire, Maria.' Wife iitoplftt--1 iugly): "Oh, save my net* h*ti John!' Husband (determinedly): *i wi&V ft j cost m6re than anything. eliSe., i» ; ti» house - ." * V,"Bridget, has Master Johnnie' eMt home from school yet?" "Yes, «sft" | "Have you seen him?" "No, dr" | 'Then how do you know he's hone? " 'Cause the cat's hidin' under tto grate," "My proudest boast,'* said the lectorer, who expected his statement, to bi greeted with cheers, "is that 1 .**» o» jof the men behind the guns." . _ , "How many miles beniftd!* « voice in the galler*. She : "Albert. I have come to the Conclusion that I love George Better thia I love you, and " He: "What abort the engagement ring I gave yon i» wear?" She: "Oh, that's all r#t George says he won't object il.I w« "Daughter, isn't it getting..later* m ed Mrs Munn, as she peeped into » parlour at 11.30 and interrupted.» era? \ versation between her and her yomg man. "Yes. mamma," replied Jt» Munn, sweetly; "it usually doe* •»« this time'of the night." I A coin of some sort fell in a tnmei* land a gentleman went down OnJ» j knees to look for it. "Has anybody m a sovereign V he asked. "Ycs<" »i 4* | man in the comer ,- "I have." "*>*;■** i here's a halfpenny of it. anyway, «* j the asker of the question, as He h*ao* | over that coin. \ "Ton have all answered my questioM jso wen," said the teacher to PnpJ "that I am now going to exartiJ»e_y<* on history. Now, can anyone ten«" ! who Joan "of Arc was?" There was ** ! silence as the little scholars in ufW | sought brilliant ideas by looking at on« another. "I know, teacher," cried os» ; hopeful enddenly. "She was **»" j wife." . A well-known Chicago d "£?*l I who is a widower and the Mte T °fJZ \ charming grown daughters w Bo » rt^s !of a wag. During his vacation he *» the foUowing telegram to his daeg^'t . "Have just married a widow wit* •» j children. Will be home t f mon:o "< iThe next day he arrived alone, «i ! 1 found his daughters in tears. _ W I is the w-widow 7" they sobbed in nniso* i "Oh,"' he replied, a merry twinkle in : J eye, "I married her to another, man- > HIS ARTICLES IN A NEWSPAPER. •I Piggmus: I had two article* * l them - ~wofoH Piggmus: No; they were a J*» ■« ■" • shoes I was taking to be mendea. STRANGE TO THE cotlST f r '^ 1 ' Farmer Skinner (who takes , mer boarders): I « ]«* *£j*ZZ , about that Californy wizard, B«w lan b-gosh, be kin certnly do wttgj" , groW strange kinds w [ The bravest boarder: Has heWgg .in producing can-less peas, or w* t served tomatoes '■ \\ UP-TO-DATE PEAFWKIGB* • BUftding playwright: I *»*.U • dranmtfsed the "waut" «I*W* Of »» ! Sunday's newspapers. oa ta i Manager: Whatever possesfeu j ■ (do thai? „_. _ _»« if] A Bunding playwright: -dined my last playyou eontflatfwi [was lacking in siiaa-tions. "'