RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 12, 14 January 1905, Page 12

RANDOM SHOTS.

'XAMOOT

gom* write a neighbour"? name to Some write — vain thought — for needful cash. Some write to please the country clash. And raise a din. For mc, an aim I never fish —• I write for fun.

Wandering round Auckland in a lei surely spirit the last few days, L have been much surprised to see how little is being done by people not cotmnercialfy interested in the way of promoting the holiday resorts of the district. We cry out, and justly, about the 'Neglected North," but in this one particular 1 am inclined to think that we are very much neglecting ourselves. Take < inelmnga. Why should it not be what Manly i.s to Sydney ? With even-thing natural in its favour, it only needs the expenditure of a few thousands to divert hundreds of people from journeys to distant parts of these islands. A good band alone mean:) an immense addition to the altra«'tivenesH of such a place. And. by tie way, it seems almost necessary to th it

a ••good"' band is not dependent upon it.i volume of noise. A certain popular holiday resort has two bands, wit.i about fifteen performers in each. If it hid one of ten instruments 1 might n->t hay.i avoided it so consistently as 1 felt obliged to as it was. But all this ,S by tho way. The point lam getting at is this: Let us spend freely, but wisely, in developing the holiday possibilities of the district. Some of those islands want refreshment rooms, St. llelier's Bay needs open <?ea-baths. and Ringitoto needs, a dozen things i a smart tea-room most of all). All these places are much resorted to; still more would they be so were their attractions brought out a.s they ought to be.

There i? unquestionable humour in the peregrinations of the live young meu of Wellington through the fortificat ions at Fort Ballance. 1 need only remind my readers that the party, beiug anxious to visit the scene of the recent gun accident, advanced cautiously into the mysterious precincts, were surprised to ineel. with no opposition to their progress, and eventually explored the innermost recesses of the" ••position." And this, we are told, in fart of the most frequent and peremptory announcements on the part, of the authorities that not only the fort, but the very mad which passes it. were forbidden "pastures for the people of Wellington. These young men, we arc given to understand, ""examined the commodore"? quarters, the disappearing guns and their uu-ehanism. the quick-firing guns, the ammunition, the .gun-pits, and the subterranean ways" —in short, they learned as many of the military secrets of their country as anyone is likely to learn in the space of something like half-an-hour. What is the real intention of the authorities it is difficult to know. Possibly they wish to divide their trembling foes into two classes, the one awed by l , le mystery, and the ntlier overwhelmed by the knowledge of these formidable defences. But although that system may have much to commend it. I think we "should most of us feel more security in the old-fashioned method of keeping our military secrete in their entirety. If the thing is really due to otliciiil negligence, which is utmost incredible, itis'diineult to lind word? that <iro at once strong enough and not too rude. As I don't want to be rude. I leave tho incident for what it is worth.

The motor-car has "arrived," as the Continental phrase goes, and I have reluctantly eorae to the conclusion that it ought to have stayed away. 1 had my first trip in a motor the other evening, and for a few minutes I expected—indeed, I almost hoped —that it was going to be my last trip in any sort of vehicular conveyance- I didn't mind the noise or the dust, or the odours much —at least, I could have borne them all with ( Jhristian resignation, because I was in a hurry. But as soon as ever the machine started it began to shake, and long before the chauffeur had got up to '"third speed" I was rattling about like a parched pea in a pod. It was simply terrific. I clung to the seat with both hands, and to keep tolerably erect until Ihr "■auto" began to turu corners, and •whenever that happened T was hurled violently from one end of the seat to the other. All the time I was far more anxious about my luggage than myself. I had two tennis racquets and a Gladstone bag and a lot of sheet music with mc, and before we started I guilelessly placed my impedimenta on a seat opposite mc. Within the first hundred yards ■the tennis racquets hurled themselves into space, and were just rescued in time» as they were plunging oft" into the road. The bag danced cheerfully on to the floor of the conveyance, and waltzed around with surprising alacrity, and in about five minutes the music was spread like autumn leaves over every available foot of space in the car. I bore it for some time, till between the drifting music sheets and the racquets, which volleyed mc like a "short lob." and the Viag that bit mc hard every time the ear bumped down on the springs, I was getting somewhat bewildered. So I made a sudden and not very dignified plunge for the floor, and having collected the music into a pile, and put the bag on top of it. I -=at on the bug with a racquet in each hand, and completed my journey in triumph. As it happened, we pot There in safety, but. 1 am sure that between the strain on my nerves, and the exertion of chasing my luggage, I had got rid of quite as much energy as if I had "one the whole distance on foot. By the time I extricated myself from the vehicle T had come to the conclusion 1 hat when I get a motor-car I shall always invite a lot of heavy-weight friends to accompany mc on my drives, and I will take care that we go slow.

But there are a ]ot of things about a motor-car that are calculated to make one take rather a pessimistic view of life, and one is the signal that the chauffeur is supposed to sound at intervals as he speeds on liis reckless way. 1 object very much to the staccato bark or yelp of the ordinary siren-trumpet, and I am extremely grateful to one, Mr MofTat Ford, who has just invented a modification thereof, which enables the (■hanffeur to play pleasing melodies on the Irorn as he rolls along- A small air JiiiS* l warned the rear wheeis supc3 'v. 9°' — • u s stream of air to the j* M m .. —.- keyboard is fixed on

the steering column, which enables the chauffeur, when so inclined, to play an octave or more. After this, as one of the London dailies suggests, we may expect to see leading actresses advertising for chauffeurs "with knowledge of recent Gaiety successes essential," or bishops inquiring for drivers who must be "sober, careful, able to do roadside repairs, and to play Hymns Ancient and Modern."' Quite a wide vista, of possibilities is suggested by this novel invention, but if, as somebody prophesies, we are going to have pneumatic attachments to our motor-cars that will altogether supersede German bands, I am afraid that the chauffeur's average for manslaughter will rise rapidly. Per.sonaUy, I can't resist a German band, and I trust that the excitement, not to say the risk, of motor driving in Auckland will not be increased for some time to come by the introduction of the new patent orchestrian siren.

Have you heard the story of the waters of Gore/—the newspapers call it j '"water," but "waters." while more poetic, is also more suggestive of the 40,000 gallons whk-h constituted its sum tota.l. Just now. when we are ail talking about the tzar and autocracy, the incident has ' -such an added interest that 1 cannot re--1 train from recounting it, even in fane of ■ tho danger that it may be a matter of ! common taJk. Well, then, it seems that the people of Gore had made for themselves a reservoir, into which they duly collected the 40.0U0 gallons of water to which I refer. Of this, we are told, they were very, very proud. But upon an evil day (not very long ago) the Mayor of Gore saw lit to betake himself elsewhere upon a holiday, leaving no instructions as to what was to be done with tlie 40,000 precious gallons in his absence. Now, when (through the ■"stop-valves" not being turned olf) the people of Gore saw the waters flowing irrecoverably away, they met and took council together. But what could they do? To lay as much as a finger upon those valves in the absence of the Mayor were a cardinal offence, nowise to be overlooked. So sadly they decided that they could do nothing, and that their only hope was that His Worship would return by some magically rapid means and give the order that would save the remnant of the waters. So when the Mayor eamc back, it was to find the 40.000 gallons gone, and to encounter the sad reproaches of his loving—shall I say subjects?—who were almost in mourning for what they had lost. A resolution in the peaceful regions of tiore even against such personal rule as this is not altogether likely, but if thiugs gij much further it will at least become possible. 1. for one. would be either the Mayor or a revolutionist.

At (he tennis tournament the other day i couldn't help noticing two conspieuon.« instances of ladies "changing hands" —using the left hand that is to say to take what ought to bo a '"back band" stroke. One lady went so far .is to grip her raequpt with both hands when the balls wont to her backhand, and a very good shot she made of it. But I wasn't thinking of it from the tennis point of view. Tho fact is that though mo e t people forget it, there are some important principles connected with the use of the right hand. Physiologists toll us that the. speech ■centre and several other important motor nerve centres are in the left lobe of the brain lor right-handed peoplp and in the right hemisphere for left-handed people. Nov. - what happens when instead of confining- your aUention to one hand you try to use both, equally well? According to certain American and German authorities, you throw an undue amount of stress upon nerve centres That are not adapted to the :,train, and all sorts of mysterious consequent's may en=ue. Thai is as far as 1 have got in i the controversy that has been racing in : some Knglish and American papers lately on this subject of "Ambi dexterity;" and 1 on n't- profess to understand much nbout it myself. But I'm quite sum {that it is better tennis for a right-hand-ed player to take a ball backhanded than left-handed, and if there is a good i physiological reason on my side, why so much the better. But T wonder how this appeals to the educationalists who are always urging that children should be taught to use the left hand as well as right at school.

We often hear abont the unpardonable ignorance that the rest of the world displays concerning us and our beloved country. I came across a New Zcalandrr lately who was just back from St. Louis, and he says that the surprise of many of his American acquaintances was quite pathetic when they discovered that he talked good English, and was many shades whiter than a '•"buck nigger." Even in England they seem to have a lot to learn about us still. A London paper 'has just been going into paroxysms of grief over the destruction by lire of that "nourishing mining and manufacturing centre,"' the town of Collingwood, which it credits with, some 3000 inhabitants. There arc certainly mines in the Collingwood district, but as to manufacture? —well, nothing but bush whisky. F can assure you, and not first quality at that. As to the inhabitants, I should think 30 would he a liberal computation, aud even then you might have, to count wood-h-ens —t nee at the last census the total number of inhabitants is written down at 1G —neither more nor less. But they do funny things with New Zealand names every week in England. A short time a-go a usually wellinformed English paper got mixed up between Dunedin and Wellington, and eventually explained to its readers thit some trouble had arisen about connecting Miramar by rail with Cavcrshain, but that the line was now to be laid without further delay 1 Miramar and Caversbam! ! Ah, well, I daresay that British journalists have first-rate intentions, but it is a pity they don't know what a benefit a little experience of the colonies would confer upon them before they start writing us up.