MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXV, Issue 217, 10 September 1904, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

"That remains to be sse<.»..

Widower: "Nothjmr Pail ken heart." Widott . g 4 repairing." ■ " otlu ag «

. >' .'• 'Do you tare for fairy s+n,,/ ine- -No. Beatrice, gaged six times." "^n

"An ounce of tobacco 'V ■'Which sortV "Doesn't'LV p,(l, *' for a blind gentlema? V^Hl

ages: "Can you cook - ?" vr"Yos.- -Do you iSay%*> Sing/" -No.-' "Wiil^tl^

Mi=s Flirty: "Your * • ki s3 rue last night!" to Well he's not M drinking." . ■ "^lstj

TWO DOMESTIC.IOEWS Last summer a newspaner m. on the President at sitting on the verandah ArZ ,> velt camp along, and Ks-fatv •***■ duced him. -Well," sairt' h,. taking hold of the yonngste^J* llo . the approved fashion "of small boy. '-you seeni to beTii - g , ' ■That's what papa says," %™sV due, gravely; "but the I tned to jump over a mu d nudJi • after I'd put on my sew JZ *' m fell in. mamma did/t £fr such views." . m .™M\'t^

MAN'S HEAEj.' A man's heart is at its 'sdfWf mellow stage when, he has £*% woman lie loved. Anyreal smart J . nine can catch it on the rebound fi ed nurses will please oftht and give the \? chunks of comfort. Before ihe ijl is over the poor dear ,will be wonS how long he ought to wa&iefore 3 posmg. '""j" J A RAGGED COURTIER." -Madam,-' said the tramp! as a ajj. die-aged lady came vto, the- door in tcs . pon&e to his knock, "would yon <nv e poor old man a bite to eat?" ° ;<Wby/' replied «,. taanly able to earn a living. Y ou d . look very old." • ' "Looks are often deceitful, lady" answered the wanderer. "I am 1 enough to :be your granafather." A moment later lie was seated in tbi kitchen, and nothing she' had in the larder was Too good tot iim. - A PLEASAXT REBUFF. "I never was rebuffed in so pleasant a way as on my last journey," said Joklots, the commercial traveller, htel?. "I was just about to enter an office when I saw a staircase, with-a sbb, This way for commercial travellers. , I supposed the stairs led to the countinghouse, so I went up and' found. myself in'a long hall, with walls where pointing boards directed the way. I passd through the Kaliand came td-a staircase leading down as another bowd pointed. I descended, and,- opening th« dlor at the lowest step, 1 'found \ was—in the street again!?- ■ .

WHERE THE BAOT) WAS. ~-„. A, cfeiatakt iad a .very smal band, but •the commanding- officer's feeti were—welt very large. 7Onc day Hα regiment was .to inarch out, ■but tie music Vis "When the deuce is the band?" queried the adjutant. For some time-thexe was Bβ reply; but when, the question was repeated a gruff voice was heard from tin rear rank.: "I believe,, sorrj : the colond trod on it by accident.", -,v

NAMING .THE SEE. : . The See of Worcester used to be widely known in the ecclesiastical world 91 ,| the "Dead See/ by which,, was meant, it is presumed, that the ChWk k that See was somewhat lethargic in its work. However, that name will no keger bs, used, for a; witty deric has'lately. suggested —referring to.Canon Gore's &p* pointment to the Bishopric—flat in fature it would be more accurate to call the diocese the 'Hed: See,' Jor Gore ii all over it."

NEAT RETORT. " An American was, boasting of the superiority of their navy.to * ypung British bluejacket. ,'' "Why, man," he said/'fwe here a. tugboat that could tow your whole bloom' ing navy into Mew : York; Harbour! "Oh, wefl, that may be," replied tM young sailor. "But it would take a far smarter matt than Columbus to discover, America after that!"

SPOOFED* ' A wedding ceremony was; to fate place in one of the prominent draMM* The bridal party had : ~ a^'7oi J but were momentarily exjected. wna a small boy put in an appearance, ana gazed long and curiously nua aisle. "Hnmph!" he muttered,--disown-fully, "I don't see any." '"Don't seeenj what, boy?" asked an iaqnfeitire usnH standing near. "Don't -See ft*rails, m course." "Bails' raps for what? , said the usher, in as a sm» u group gathered round the boy. WJ, J* for the bride's train to run on-seei The boy escaped.