MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXV, Issue 199, 20 August 1904, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

'Tea, Parker invented the safest a_. ship ever heard of." "But it refused to fly. You couldn't get up on it I" "That's why I say it was the safest." Housekeeper: "Do you love childrenr» Applicant: "It all depends on th' wa Se , mum! 6 "» Willie: "The fishhooks used to-day ire ofprecisely the same form as thos/Jf 2000 years ago." Marie: "So are the stories." ™ I Wife: "Ye wur a sensible chiel dur_> |oor coortship, but noo ye're a sensed loon. Husband: "See whit nierri«. iv dune, ma wumman." r" Old Sixaneite: "Why do you feel that your client will lose the case? _»»■ you exhausted every means at voir disposal to " Young Briefly: «N». but 1 have exhausted all the means _ his disposal." The Difference: Susie: "Does a man'a second love generally differ from bk first?" Walter: "Yesj she generally _*_ more money." A Misogynist.— Dolly: "Are you ia favour of clubs for women, Mr Crusteigh?" Mr Crusteigh; "Certainly Clubs, sandbags, or any weapon thai comes handy." First Telephone Girl: "What did Belle say when you told her your engagement was broken?" Second Telephone Girl: "Oh, she said it only meant another ring off." An Artful Answer.—Ella: "If a man were to kiss you on one cheek would yon turn the other?" Stella: "I should tir, but my mouth might get in the way." ' Something Like Our Own.—"Whit kind of. a climate is this?" asked the tourist. "Don't know," answered tha native. "We don't have any one kind of weather long enough to find out anything about the climate." He: "Goodness, dear, the clock jiut struck one, and I promised your mother I'd go at twelve/ She (comfortably): "Good. We've got eleven hours yet." "So Josh didn't hold his position very long?" "No," answered Mrs Corntossel. "But it wasn't the boy's fault. It wasn't six weeks before he knew so much more about how to run the business than the man who owned it that they got jealous and discharged him." "Do you not sometimes have soulful yeanlings which you long to convey in words, but cannot?" asked the sentimental girl. "Yes, indeed," replied the young man. "I was once dreadfully anxious to send home for money, out I didn't have the price of a telegram." In a convent which Cardinal Manning— the thinnest of __rtals—honoured with a visit, there wm a cook who begged and prayed for the blessing of the Cardinal, and, brought in, knelt down before him and received his blessing; whereupon she looked up at him and said, '*May the Lord preserve your Eminence, and oh, may God forgive your cook." SO IT APPEARS. Maisie: I was sitting talking to the Earl when you passed last night. Daisie: Where were you sitting? Maisie: On the Peer. AFTER THE LAST ACT. Signor Ham: Did you see how I paralysed the audience in that death scene? By George! there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Stage Manager: Yes. They knew you weren't really dead. MSS ANGINA PECTORIS. "I don't like your heart action," thi doctor said, applying the stethoscope , again. "You have had some trouble with angina pectoris." "You're partly right, doctor," sheepishly answered the recruit, who was being examined, "only that ain't n» x name." A GOOD REASON. Mr Jackson: "W'y am Sam John_ nf down on golf?" Mr Whitewash: "Wy, it's like dis. Befo' his wife learned golf, she used ter hit him on de haid wif a pokah. Now she kin only swing an undahhan' strokt, an* so she hits him on de shins." ■__— ' NO US- FOX TH__ TiIKKIS. "Where are your good manners, titj demanded the austere woman, who wM clinging to a strap. "Left 'em at home, ma'am," said the hardened villain in the seat. "Hain't gat nuthin* with mc but jeat street car manners." THE INFANT TERRIBLE. Wee Willie: "I say, faither!" Faither: "Noo, I suppose yer gaun tea ask anither reddeklous'question? r*» telt ye already that I dinna ken whether a man wha does quid is a good-doer or a do-gooder, or whether the seat o' war is what the standin' army sits on when it's tired, or when a man's falhn* in the comic papers why his hat is aya up in the air, and sticks there, and neref comes doon. If it's ane o* they sully questions aff ye go tae bed; mind "But it's no sully this time, faither. "Well, what is it, then?" "What did the Dead Sea dea oT "Aff tae bed, this meenitl"