Xmas-Day on a Man-o-war.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 305, 23 December 1903, Page 2 (Supplement)

Xmas-Day on a Man-o-war.

So sings a certain popular comedian nightly, and to a certain extent there is truth in the remark. "All dancing and grog" would never have brought the Navy to its present state of efficiency, and battle worthiness; nor, on the other hand, would an unwise lack of harmless necessary amusements conduce to that state of content and readiness for work for which the British seaman, justly or no, has become famous. There are several occasions in the year when the bonds of strict discipline are relaxed for a while and one of these, perhaps the one, is at Christmas time. When a vessel is at one of the home ports, of course, the greater part of the crew are able to get home for the festive season, but on a foreign station Jack has to spend his Christmas on ship-board, and be usually manages to make a very good job of it.

At half-past eight on Christmas Eve the inexorable voice of the boatswain's mate sends all the men scuttling around getting things a bit ship-shape for the Commander's rounds, and an hour later everyone is in his hammock, with the exception of those iv the galley, who have an "all-night sitting" before them. At half-past six on the eventful morning, all hands are turned up and the hammocks stowed; for breakfast, coffee is as a rule substituted for cocoa and Swiss milk; "soused" fish, fruit, sardines, and other unaccustomed luxuries are to the fore. After the meal the decks are given a supplementary scrub up. Then comes Divine service, for the religious observance of the day is not by any means neglected, and the ancient hymns sung to the strains of a good band, echo across the water and perhaps reach the ears of some new settler, taking his thoughts back to the- little village church where he stood last year, and to the old homestead on the hill where his parents are just about sitting down to their dinner in lonely state, all their brood .far scattered in the wide world.

After service the men give a few final touches to their decorations, and while this is on. according to immemorial custom, the places of the petty officers are taken for the nonce by some of the smallest and chubbiest boys in the ship, and they cause no small amusement to their shipmates, strutting about in their borrowed plumes, boatswain's whistle.

badges, and all, responding solemnly to orders of the lieutenant of the watch" the diminutive boatswain's mate performin a very amateurish call on his pipe and calling instructions down the hatchway in a shrill - treble. '* Another quaint custom, and one provocative of a good deal of amusement is the announcement to the officer of the watch that all is ready. It is generally undertaken by one of the scapegraces of the ship, blessed with a huge amount of "cheek," who arrays himself in soma fantastic garb, and carries out his part with all the imperturbability of a Court flunkey. The next thing to be done is to inform the captain, and in this connection a very good yarn is told. The commander on board one of His Majesty's ships was blessed with the cognomen of Day, and by a peculiar coincidence a lower deck man, also named Day, resembled him to a remarkable decree! Being entirely without that useful commodity called bashfulncss, this youn» scamp made himself up to resemble the commander more closely still one Christmas, and by a careful "borrowing" of a few badges made a very presentable "Commander Day." He forestalled the second officer by about five minutes in his visit to the captain's cabin, to request his inspection of the messes, and the captain, busy at the moment, noticed nothing extraordinary. It was only just

as he got on deck that he met the commander. Every one except the A.B. was astounded. The captain looked from the one commander to the other, and things threatened to get stormy for a moment. But the young man's wit saved the situation. "Please, sir," he said, saluting, "That's Commander Every Day, and I'm Commander Christmas Day." "And Commander Every Day that "officer wag to the end of the' commission. '% The arrival of the captain on the mess deck is heralded by the band, who strike up the strains of "The Roast Beef of Old England." He and the officers then commence their pilgrimage round the messes. As the captain peeps into each fairy bower he is received by a member of the mess, who asks him to sample then Christmas fare, which he often does, to the detriment of his digestion and subsequent enjoyment of his own dinner. When he has finished his rounds he addresses a few words to the men, wishing them a Merry Christmas, and his greeting is responded to by a hearty "Same to you. sir," and a rattling cheer such as only British tars know how to give. The afternoon and evening are spent in dancing, and such impromptu entertainments as may be devised. Sometimes Christmas is made the occasion for the production of some "entirely new i and original" piece by one of the members of the ship's company, played and listened to with great gusto by his shipmates, who may have, or imagined they, have, histrionic talent. It is incredible how well sailors manage to "make up" for any pieces of this nature. No matter what may be required, from a flaxen "lassie" to a black-haired beetle-browed "villain," someone will be found on board capable of preparing the wigs and other necessaries from the most meagre materials. Fot the leading lady the nicest looking young midshipman is usually cast, and more than one mamma, has been astonished at receiring some; weeks afterwards with her regular let-, ter a photo of a very pretty young "lady" which on reference to the text she discovers to her amazement is her own boy. On some ships the practice is still permitted, or at least winked at, of carry- ! ing round some particularly favoured j member of the ship's company. In olden ! days this was a regular institution on : Christmas Days, and the recipient of the ! honour could "only purchase his freedom !at the cost of a bottle of rum. But like many other old manners it got abused., Men who were disliked got carried round,, and they found that their heads came very often into "accidental" contact with the beams, while they were pelted with oroTio-e n«el and any other missiles that might fall handy, hooted at, and generally mishandled. Such a state of things was, of course, quite subversive of discipline, and only in shins where has got himself thoroughly hated is "car- : rying round" likely to be permitted ton, day ' FRANK KINGDON, / FRANK KINGDOM