NEWS, VIEWS AND OPINIONS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 3, 3 January 1903, Page 1 (Supplement)

NEWS, VIEWS AND OPINIONS.

• T«.2Ue appears to hare caught on^ &i Arc hdeacon binKe Old County a u n 9 d trating that fact. dair tells a stoiT church Congress jSolst tje ho3p itahty * nd learnt that they ladg they , Station from a / started at • th6ir Sff ™ 9 P reSid n ent to ?alk matters over. One they trwjj 2,2 m is that boys' should object o< th . W least one book to f "tout the colonies, so as to preing generation from the « erve h L o rance of the Britains beaccording to Sir y° Dd n MthM by a metropolitan conwith the fTmtofnlly ignorant some presumho **f S ieople at Home are eonwas illustrated (ae1. our London correspondent) f othe day when a certain Hainp- . Mitieularly gracious m a patronis desired. The lady on the virtues of them£3 a* a time saver "You see Z dew, if we want a doctor we just Seed of having to send a servant or Ourselves. Don't you wish you'd got tw, Bort of thing in your home? JNo, dSk lankly, "I don't When we mat the doctor we just -phone through for him. This sort of instruct would make pater u d e bad langum " The existence of an up-to-date telephone service in a comparatively one-house town in Maoriland was a terrible shock to the Hampstead matron, and the young New Zealander gave her several more before the evening was over. She could actually speak Frencij. decently, play the piano, and sing more tkn moderately well, and—this was the wet shock of all-played a sound game at "Bridge."

It was stated in the papers at the time of- Mr Chamberlain's cab accident that he was given a beautiful room at the Charing Crews Hospital. More exact paiticulais have recently leaked out. According to the "Referee," there was great consternation at that hospital when It was known that the Minister WB3 being brought there. No priyate wards vere available, and it was thought undesirable to put him in the general tedWimwls*" Suddenly someone had »brilliant inspiration. There is a ward specially reserved for "D.T." and insaue ctseSi the only case had been sent away to an asylum that morning. Preparations were hastily made, and when Mr Qamberlain arrived at the hospital he jus with the greatest courtesy placed in the lunatic ward.

At a. Manchester lecture the other tTening Dr. Henry Watson, a wellknown authority on music and him«B a cultured musician, was lecturing on the violin, and, incidentally, le had a short piece played on two TioliM«-6ne of them a Stradivarius, worth £600, and the other one of a lot bought at half a crown apiece for use during a variety turn on the •toge , , to be broken, in fact, by one comedian on another comedian's heed-end then asked the audience Tdiioh of the instruments was the oetter. It was only by a very narrow majority that the audience, composed largely of regular attenders at jw Halle and subscription concerts, welded in favour of the genuine Strad. "What is more/ said Dr. Watson, "I doubt whether you would JW chosen ri?ht if the piece JM + feeu played on the two instrun«?£ h another room and you had wt the opportunity of seeing them."

CiSw Bcident of the American i, r ero P 9 v ? in a narrative of floral experiences on the ConfedJ? . Of v the s °* that would rafieS U than be in the ear*'™. m one nos Pital the best 15.7 , th 2of "General 8 " The wife of the belovmST aief4a - Cbiet had made her Wi? e l ,. ,natron several P ai rs of Ca ? ds Socks ' d arned and reeisteOlSS ts ' who had re " *eari D »T!v ad to the 8 H honi eSe, An a of ***.*£? tF BUfficient in the been linn / ese socks mu st have doubt, T^T me footwear > »° *°te '£»»„ was something W»wai^^ w "*« the e£ m * was tl em? tried > and ridi- "°" w ier MCh even for the

ln as l en Used for son * time «remedrfS ms and el sewhere as * le «. but nnt Certain - ne rvous disU ! tilr « en «y was a ttal PhysicS and in Europe sevare experimenting ona of the itvfl markable "lustrabl ™ T e of music ar e ?* tC »Wa«2? <hem - A nian t %ee tbVan?n few^ e ksagoin L We no Physio? eptic attack - There %tf,i P p andhis i^^W? ,08 oontinu ed until ? ol! ■aih?!' ha PPened to pass. As ■$**$& ? e ">n«lc he sat ? ta^frerilaterllew asonhis S e^tSt **!****-. The other ! »S;l a , h yP oc hondriac, tS' S ,c an orchestra for d ( ' first leSUltI eSUIt bein » that • as completely restored.

Once upon a time (says our London correspondent), I wrote a beautifully "realistic" account of a gory glove encounter between two swell exponents of the noble art It duly appeared in print, but had been subjected to a considerable amount of editing. For instance, where I wrote "the champion's dexter landed squarely on the point" there appeared this: "Jackson hit his opponent hard on the chin"; and where I made Slavin land "a forceful half-arm jab in the victualling department that made Jackson grunt" the words, "Slavin hit Jackson in the stomach and made him wince," intruded instead, and so on through the piece. What, I wonder, would that particular editorial pencil do with this gem of Yankee pugilistic journalism: "After a spell of fiddling, the Kid unhooked a brace of chops, planting one, but getting- a clug on the slats in return from Muggsy's dexter maulie! The Kid learned things and grew cagey, his ramrod left putting many a flock oi swings to flight. Suddenly he unlashed a wallop that gave Muggsy's observations an astronomical tinge, and also donated a cauliflower ear to the Liberick lad's tout ensemble by dropping the good one over."

The ping-pong , world (writes our London correspondent) was recently thrilled by announcements to the effect that some persons who were referred to in a fashion that suggested an authority greater than that of William of Germany had ordained a change in the service law of the game. What the alteration was to be I do not exactly know, but pingpongists had commenced to split up into for and against factions, which threatened to bring discord into many happy families. However, the Table Tennis Association which, by virtue of I know not what powers, arro>gates to itself the right of dictating h.ow ping-pong shall be played, has, through its non. secretary, denied "that any alteration has been made in the laws of the 'game since they were adopted last spring, after being exhaustively discussed by a large and representative committee of experts appointed by the association for that purpose." Wherefore we breathe again. A ping-pong controversy and an Education Bill discussion raging , at the same time would have induced wholesale social suicide.

The New York correspondent of the "Daily Express' wasted a considerable number of words and shillings a few days ago in cabling over a fine specimen of "Yankee yarn" a la Tyson. The story told was as follows:— Mrs Mary Skidmore, an old lady of eighty-two years, living at Hempstead, Long Island, has been informed that she has fallen heir to £8,000,000, left her by'her uncle, the famous John Tyson, the squatter, of Australia. Mrs Skidmore had for many years' lost all trace of her nephew, and did not know that he had become a millionaire. When the new 3of her good fortune was communicated to her she thought a hoax was being attempted, and became angry. After being convinced of the truth of the statement Mrs Skidmore's first words were, "Well, if it's so, I shall pay the debts of every church on Long Island." Mrs Skidmore's charitable intention will not deplete her fortune, for though there are eighty-nine churches in Long Island, their total indebtedness is

only £11,000. The "Express" did not put forth this story without a word of warning to its readers, for it remarked: —"Mrs Skidmore is one of the many hundreds of alleged Tyson heirs who have been cropping up for years. No doubt the • New York newspapers will make much of thi.s 'windfall,' but the chances are that the lady will never get the fortune." We agree. Mrs S. is not in the least likely to exercise her ecclesiastical liberality, for, to begin with, the "famous John Tyson," if there ever was such a person, was certainly not famed for his wealth. The man of money of that name was christened James. Moreover, Tyson, the squatter left something over £2,000.000 only, so Mrs Skidmore's portion could not in any case amount to four times that generous figure, • Whatever ground there may be for the yarn, we fancy the old lady had better grounds for being angry when first told the tale.

The South" African papers contain interesting particulars of an attempt at a gold robbery. It seems that the thieves got wind of the fact that £12,000 in gold was to be sent on a certain day by a certain train to Pretoria, and they made up their minds to "go for it." Their first proceeding was an unsuccessful attempt to square the guard, and this was their undoing. In manner following: The railway people stowed in the same van with the train's safe a large box with holes in it, and in this box two detectives concealed themselves. The number of holes is not stated, but probably the detectives wished there were more. It was a crowded train, and passengers travelled in the van. These, the thieves amongst them managed to oust in the course of the transit, and having got the van apparently to themselves, they commenced operations. They were, however, not quite happy about the box with the holes in it, and one of them put a lighted match into one of the hole's. This having been gently blown out by one of the detectives, the desperadoes were satisfied that there was nobody inside. When the guard came along they seized and gagged, him and flung him into a corner. They then dragged the safe to the door of the van and hove it overboard. The train was at the moment slowly ascending a gradient. At this interesting point the detectives jumped out, revolver in hand, and shouted "Hands up." One of the three thieves waa captured; the other two jumped out, followed by one of the detectives, who loosed off merrily. One of the thieves gave in, the other bolted into the bush. But, 0 what a surprise! The police had learnt where the safe was to be pitched out, heard the thud of the operation, and were' waiting in the bush, and the runaway was duly "copped," together with the supply oJ! dynamite arid fuses prepared ready on the spot with which to unlock the safe. And the cruelty of it all! For the police had been guilty of the unspeakable meanness of filling up the safe with scrap iron.' If anything were wanting to fill the thieves' cup of bitterness to the brim, surely tbis must nave made it slop over.

One of the Paris policemen found himself in a serio-comic difficulty the other day owing to excess of zeal. He was on his beat near the Bourse, when ue observed the driver of a passing omnibus smoking a pipe. This being contrary to regulations, the policeman jumped on the 'bus, ascended to the knife-board, and took the name and address of the pipesmoking driver. On descending, the policeman found his departure barred by the 'bus conductor, who clamoured for his three sous. It was in yam that the over-zealous "agent" objected and protested. He insisted that he had been doing his duty, and that he had to go up to see the driver, who was breaking the rules, lhe conductor was inexorable, and said that as the policeman was ascending to the top of the vehicle he had pulled the bell to mark the arrival of another fare. The too scrupulous person then resolved to pay, but he found nothing in his purse or m his pockets to enable him to disburse the sum required. He looked around at the people inside the 'bus, but he found their faces covered with sardonic grins. They were evidently en-

joying his difficulty "with the conductor, who had a malicious twinkle in his' eyes. Finally the policeman accosted a colleague in the street, who kindly lent him the three sous, with which he discharged his debt, and was able to leave tfie omnibus. Frenchmen have a particular fondness for decorations, and have in, consequence not infrequently fallen j victims to swindlers who posed as the representatives of foreign potentates and distributed crosses or ribbons with a lavish hand. It does not matter how barbaric the mon-1 arch conferring the decoration may he, provided that the recipient obtains some 'badge to distinguish him from his fellows. A delightful story is beimg told just now in Paris about a well° known public man who was recently presented by a Soudanese potentate with the Labaksi-Tapo Order of Merit. The recipient, anxious to display the decoration at the ear? liest opportunity, applied at once tp the Ministry ■ for permission to wear it. While readily granting the pejrr

mission, the Minister inquired with the ghost of a smile, "Do you know what the order is like?" "Certainly," replied the delighted applicant; "it is a 'beautiful gold ring, and hanging from it a small red enamel pipe of peace. I should like to wear it." "Of course yoii may wear it, but accord-. ing *to law you have to wear it as it is worn by the natives in Africa. ,, ; "And how might that be?" "Why, ! -with the ring through the nose." The new kuight of the Labaksi-Tapo Order has not 'been heard of since. Mr. E. T. Reed, the well-known "Punch" artist, the other evening delighted an audience at the London Institution with some of his experiences as a caricaturist. Touching on the privileges and disadvantages of his profession, he said that in Prance the caricaturist had to be an expert duellist, while in Germany, if he caricatured an army man, he must expect to meet in combat each officer on the army list until he (the artist) was "wiped out," The average life of the caricaturist in Turkey was one week., In China he was humorously dismem-

bered, the occasion there being- always made a public holiday, with fireworks in the evening. He was glad that in England caricaturists might pursue their calling of making public men hideous, and nave at their back the forces of law in order to prevent 1 unseemly retaliation. As a rule he i got on very well with the subjects of his drawings when he met them —but sometimes he avoided them. The caricaturist's work, he went on, sometimes ended seriously. There was the case of Mr. Tommy Bowles, M.P.This gentleman, from his interest in the navy, had been so often depicted as an old "salt," with one or more limbs missing, that maiden ladies had written to him letters filled with tearful sympathy. Sometimes they sent him knitted comforts to help him in his affliction. Worse still, Mr. Bowles had been elected president of two homes for cripples, Brown: "Don't you think that music has charms to soothe the savage breast?" Jones: "Yes. That's wihy I , have put a brass band round Pluto's neck!"