WOMEN'S REALM.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 3, 3 January 1903, Page 6

WOMEN'S REALM.

TRAINING BABYi TO OBEY.

What seems Hke tie very complex problem of training a child in the way lie should go reduces Itself, after reflection and experience on the part of the mother, to one simple proposition— jfchat of teaching him perfect, absolute, unquestioning obedience. If baby learns that thoroughly and learns it as soon as his faculties develop, certainly by the time he is a year old, and oftener much earlier than this, all the virtues will growout of it, given favourable environment. Let Mm understand right from the beginning that it is not his way, but mother's, that must be followed, and he will have infinitely more respect and love for his parents as he develops. It is the wayward, self-walled, disobedient child that neither loves nor respects his mother. I know a boy of only four who already undertakes to manage his mother, and does it rather successfully, too. It is amusing, to be sure, but deplorable, from another standpoint, to hear him expostulate with her. Let her be engaged in conversation with a caller and he, who wishes to be noticed, will come up with the greatest sang froid, take his mother famiHarly by the chin, shake his finger at her and lisp out, imperatively, "Now, don't talk so much, ,, then proceed to monopolise the chit-chat. But the training must not consist in scolding or words. It must all be in quiet action. 'Sotting is more irritating to a child than to hear the eternal "Dontt" dropping' from a mother's or nurse's Hps. Bather give him the order to do the opposite than to bid him not dio a certain thing. Tell him, "Stay on the path!" instead of "Pon't go on the grassl" The very prohibition makes him wilful, and he eyes the grass with longing ever after, whereas if the advantages of the walk, as they might exist at the moment, were pointed out to him and the grass completely ignored, he might be found more tractable. There is one simple word, however, which baby quickly learns, and which it ia necessary to teach him as soon as possible. For he understands but little of ene's vocabulary at the age of six months, or whenever he starts in to play, and it is then that the mother must carefully watch him. It is then that he first ibeeomes a nuisance by dropping his toy on tihe floor, looking inquiringly at yon until you pick it up and give it back to him, whereupon he p-roceeda to drop it again with a larogh of delight, and expects you to go on with your part of the operation. You think this is so cunning at the start, so knowing of him, and you spend a couple of hours a day picking op things for hint After a while the novelty wears off, and you begin to expostulate with bajby and tell him he mustn't throw his things down. But then it is too late, as you find to your cost. For the , ha-bit has been acquired. You have, forgotten that baby's moral sense is keener and far more logical than your own, in .one ,r,espe,cit, for he., argues that what was right and approved of by you at the outset must continue to remain so. And he refuses to unlearn what was all right when he first acquired it. Can you blame him?

Noj the only way to do is to pick up the toy once or twice, if you wish, shaking your head vigorously in disapproval, however, and saying emphatically and tmrnista-ka/bly, "No! no!" It will not take the child long to discover what this means, if you do not enter into any long, explanation with it> quite beyond its comprehension. Stick to the monosyllabic vocabulary for a while. If he continues to throw the toy down take it away from him entirely and substitute another. He has probably tired of the first.

Accustom the child very early in his career to amuse himself. Do not get into, the habit of picking him up every time he cries and amusing him. Try instead to discover why he cries, for he ihas always a sufficient reason, and then you can. remedy the evil more efficiently. Again, when he begins to creep about do not allow him to follow y«Mi from room to room. Ihis, also, is so cunning at first. You look up unawares from your work and find a baby on the threshold, smiling roguishly. You let him into the parlour, where you are dusting-, and he immediately knocks over » vase or small stand. If he is never allowed outside of his own little domain at this early stage; if he is never, from the very beginning, allowed to touch anything but his own toys, there will be no necessity, after a few years, for all those annoying don'ts of the mother when she taikes her child visiting.

"Why, your child doesn't touch a thing' on the table, does she?" remarked one lady to another in astonishment. "I would not dare to leave cake and eouJeotion about in tliafc style. Kenneth would devour them without delay."

I have seen children, from the moment they entered a house, no matter if for the first time, proceed to make themselves thoroughly at home by pulling,out drawers of cupboards, investigating wardrobes and book shelves, demanding cake and a drink and behaving generally as they do at home, where the careless mother thinks their behaviour only childlike and never tries to correct them. She is sometimes a trifle ashamed , of them out. but the hostess kindly, foi|t hypocritically, reassures her upon the subject, and the mother ends by thinking , , and sometimes by saying, that they are no wofse than other children, she supposes.

All these little faults are so difficult- to correct, "but so easy to prevent. If the mother insists upon her "No, no!" at the very beginning—if, in other words, she makes baby mind hi* own little' affairs, he need never become a nuisance. He will always be a pleasure. For who does not love the well-trained!, amiable baby or child? Ido not mean a self-satisfied little prig, who is good because he ltaa not spirit or health or vitality enough to be bad, (but a youngster who possesses all the animal spirits and lore for play that he should have at the time, but who knows how to b-have himself when he gets among elders.

2 have very little faith in the socalled "pfitural sin" of an infant. I think almost all faults aad bad habits are the result of slow growth, or

elae are acquired from parents, nurses or daily companion*. If you would never have your child impatient in his play, be sure you neve* 1 allow him to see you impatient. I| i you do not wish him to exhibit violent temper, be srare you never allow him to witness such an exhibition. If you wish his speech to be always proper and gentlemanlike, toe sure you always speak in a ladylike, gentletune. Always request him to do a thing, and he will always request you. Command him and he will com. viand you. Do you wish him to he neat and orderly with his toys? Always see that they are put away protperly. Sfever develop the destructive habit in him by allowing him to tear paper and picture books. If his toys accidentally break and cannot be mended take them away from him entirely, so that he does not become familiar with the sight of imperfection and think it all right.

After all, if the child loves you, and he will be apt to if you treat him not only affectionately, but quietly and firmly and, above all, consistently, he will be apt to reflect your faults ana •virtues. Therefore look to yourself as keenly as you look to him. But, aoove and beyond all, never promise or threaten if you will, punishment for an offence unless you intend to administer it. If the child knows jou mean what you say and will always do what you say, it will be far easier to exact from him that perfect obedience which is the root of all virtues.