MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXII, Issue 129, 1 June 1901, Page 2 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Aq applicant for a suitable life part, ncr was told by the proprietor of th» matrimonial agency that, he xaxai make a deposit of £1. "One poundl" he bawled. "Do you suppose I'd want to get married if I had all that money?" "I si)all soon be your new mamma" said a governess to her little charge, "I am going to marry your father' Freddy dear. I wonder if you ar g glad?" "Hurrah!" exclaimed Freddy ''that's simply a splendid idea. Who thought of it first, you or father" She: Oh, my tooth aches dreadfully, I don't see why we can't be born with*, out teeth!" He: I think, my dear, that if yon will look up some authority on that point you will find that most of ug are. A clergyman, taking occasional duty for a friend in one of the moorland churches of a remote part of England, was greatly scandalised on observing the old verger, who ifed been collecting the offertory, quietly abstract a half-crown before present", ing the plate at the altar rails. After service he called the old man into the vestry and told him, with emotion, that his crime had been discovered. The verger looked puzzled. Then a sudden light dawned on him. "Why, sir, you doan't mean that ould half-crown of mine! Why, OiVa •led off' with he this last fifteen yegrj"

Manager (to new actor): Your per« formance of Hamlet is the very worst I've ever seen. If there had been any money in the house I should 'ha?*1 been bound in honour to return it at the doors. As it is, several friends have sent in and peremptorily de<; manded that their names should hi removed from the free list. , -