DOES MARRIAGE HELP A MAN?

Auckland Star, Volume XXXI, Issue 292, 8 December 1900, Page 2 (Supplement)

DOES MARRIAGE HELP A MAN?

MAX O'-.ELL'S OPINIONS

Max O'Rell once had a conversation on this question over a cup of tea with a charming English lady. "But." she said, "you do not answer my question: Does marriage help a man." "Sometimes yes; sometimes no. It. depends a great deal on the profession or calling of the man." "Well, a doctor, for instance." "Yes," I said, "marriage helps a doctor; it stamps him respectable, and many women will not consult a doctor unless they know that he is a married man; but white hair will help him quite as much." "That is not very promising," said the lady. "Well," I replied, "let us try again." "Surely woman can do much to inspire, to encourage a man whatever h'.s work may be." N "Yes. a sympathetic woman can do a great deal; but it is very difficult to quite determine what effect her help may have upon her husband's work during th? various critical periods of nis career. There may have been days when, without her encouragement, he would have lost faith in himself, but such cases are rare. Then you speak of artists, of people who liveby praise, feed on it. I have known painters who looked for and found such encouragement from their wives. On the other hand. I have known others who sought solitude when at work, men who could' not have expressed their message, unless alone with their art. 1 have known authors who looked for inspiration from their wives, or thought they did, and I have known others who could not do a stroke of work unless they were absolutely left alone with their thoughts."

"But if a wife makes a man happy, that alone surely helps him?"

"Of course it does, but the married man has far greater responsibilities than the single one, and he may be obliged to produce for the sake of filling many little hungry mouths. And another thing, you must remember that the single man can command the interest of a great number of women who would not care to be interested in his wife, and very few wives will realise that they may not be as interesting as their husbands. This will cause trouble, unpleasantness at least, and stand in the way of a man's success."

"Then," said the lady, "let us change the question. Does marriage hamper a man?"

"Undoubtedly there are professions which seem to necessitate bachelorhood, where marriage is not only no help, but a handicap. A soldier, for instance, should not marry, for a married s.ldier, good fighting man though be may be, never can lorget the wife and perhaps the little ones at home." y, "I take it," said my lady interlocutor, "that you do not advocate marriage for the rising poet, painter, dramatist, or novelist?"

"I do not advocate marriage for any man that has an artistic temperament strongly developed. The man who is strong enough to achieve great things is strong enough to achieve them alone, that is, unless he is fortunate enough to meet the exceptional woman. Lord" Byron said that nothing can inflict greater torture upon a woman than the mere fact of loving a poet. This is not clue to the heartless or deliberate cruelty of a poet. Ho himself is to be pitied for being a martyr, the slave of art. It is the natural depth of a poet's emotions, of an artist's temperament, to fall _n love with every lovely woman. The higher wo rise in tho intellectual scale, says a modern writer the more Varied, complex. an_ deep are the emotional groups which delight and torment the soul. Mental work does not extinguish passions, it _.eds the flames on the contrary, and unfits the brain owner for matrimony. Only people who have uneventful, almost hindrum, lives are perfectly happy in marriage. "Then you do not admit the existence of the man who needs tho rjuiet sympathy of a good domestic wife before his art becomes fully articulate?" "No because the artist constantly wants stimulants, and a domestic life is not stimulating. Now, do not misunderstand me. Marriage can make a man very happy, including the man with the strong artistic temperament, but 1. den t think that it helps him. I have come across hundreds of cases where artistic -aid literary efforts have been checked and sometimes killed outright by the netty cares and worries of domestic lite. The brain worker is very easily irked and tormented by the most trivial things. lie is irritable and most sensitive. 1 have known literary men put right off. their work for days simply because devoted wives came into their studies, and, alter .riving them an encouraging kiss, carried off their pens to make out their washing list I have known painters whose faculties were positively benumbed by the presence of their wives. I have known dramatists who could never set to work in earnest before they had sent their families into the country, or had themselves left home far behind them. And, mind you, these men were all fond of their wives." "You are not encouraging. "Will you have a cup of tea?" "Thank you, with pleasure—but does marriage"— "Do you take sugar? "If you please—but are • there not cases—" "And cream?" ; "Please—Now tell me—" "What I think of the Paris Exposii tion."