RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXXI, Issue 65, 17 March 1900, Page 4 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

The sun still shines brightly, the rain seems further away than ever, , and the men with hydraulic lifts rise up each morn, and after surveying- the cloudless sky turn their faces towards the east and solemnly curse the City Fathers. It has been suggested that iii order to get the heavens to wee]) copiously and thus replenish the water supply, an old custom should be revived, namely, the offering of a sacrifice in order to propitiate the clerk of the weather so that the handle shall not be fixed at "set 1- fine, glass rising"' for the Auckland district. Some think that a kid might be sacrificed as a burnt offering on the summit of Mt. Eden, but upon the fact being pointed out that the Chairman oT the Waterworks Committee might be taken by mistake, the idea was abandoned, and it is now thought that some of those Councillors who for 12 years have been anxious to get a water supply for the city and have yet done nothing, might be'sacrificed without much loss, but remembering the old termination oil inquisition,' ''Be merciful and shed no blood,'' it has been decided to defer the sacrifice until next November, when instead of shedding- blood, new blood may be added to the galaxy of! administrative ability that dominates city affairs. When the water question was discussed at a special meeting of the City Council there were some humorous incidents. One gent lernan cried dramatically, "Water we must have," which A\as the first intimation that he ever made of being on the Prohibition side. Although a tip-top engineer was imported to furnish a report on the water question, one councillor thought that jf they as business men wait to Henderson, they could give some valuable advice. Fortunately the .Mayor was not taking any amateur engineers assistance, probably remembering that was the kind of thing that had "botched" many a scheme in Auckland before. I am afraid people do not fully appreciate the true genius of that very remarkable character, Dr." LeyOs. He is looked upon by most people as a somewhat clever adventurer of the ordinary type, whereas he is really something of a genius. Dr. Levels disguises the truth with a broad anct sweeping grandeur which can only belong to genius. He fibs with a vastness of conception and a colossal ease, and iit the same time with a subtle beauty —in short, with an artistic success that makes the most accomplished political acrobat blush. Dr. Leyds has this much of greatness in him, that he can perpetrate a trifling lie, or one that, may change the face of Europe, -with equal calmness and .serenity. And the annoying part of the business is that he is believed. It is a common thing to see John. Bull holding forth nt the street corners on .Dr. Leyds and his foreign audiences. "I tell you, he says with a bang of his fist, "the man is an unmitigated blackguard—a scoundrel, sir, and the French are no better, sir! Yes, sir, I am thankful I am an Englishman, and have some idea ot; liberty and justice." Then he puts his finger in his waistcoat' and heaves himself up and stands erect, the very incarnation of righteous indignation. Ah, my good, honest, and indignant John Bull,.does it never occur to you that your neighbours, the French, are not wholly to blame? Do y6u not know that they can get little ot1 no true information about England, and their opinions are all coloured by the limelight effects of the gutter press xmder Dr. Leyds' guidance? And, my good John Bull, have you not a similar misconception of the average Frenchman? If an English Leyds told-you lies about the French, would you not be inclined to believe them? Do you not remember that, during the Dreyfus trial, you were ready to brand every Frenchman as a scoundrel of the deepest dye? And you think the French have forgotten your little fulminations? Mot they! No more than you are willing to forget their present hostility. The Germans avill have their hands full in Samoa, judging by the present aspect-of affairs. It seems that at the hoisting of the Imperial German flag the other day at Apia Mataafa's fighting men came in armed with guns, axes and knives, thirsting for what is known in the vulgar tongue as_ a "scrap," but the Malietoa men declined to oblige, and behaved like good missionary boys. Mataafa, the venerable high chief who successfully defied the combined British and Malietoa forces last year, is a queer mixture of piety and warlike spirit—a sort of Kruger in his way. At the hoisting of the German flag' he counselled the Samoans to love one another like brothers, and wound up by quoting the Scriptural passage, "Blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the earth;" Then straightway Mataafa's meek and lamb-like followers proceeded to carry out their leader's pious advice 'by threatening to go for the other fellow with, an axe. There is blood in the eyes of the Mataafa crowd just now, and if Samoa isn't the scene of. a very nice little shindy, all of the olden time, in a few months, or perhaps even weeks, then "Zamiel" is no prophet. 1 1 '"I?'l'*''!.'* rJ i>fi'>'ll'l* rl* ' Kroger trusts in the Lord, but packs his valuables off to the bank in Amsterdam. Oom Paul is no fool, and I shall be very much surprised if he should so far forget himself as to be caught like Cronje. Kruger's action in fixing- up a .good pension for hhn-

self prior to the outbreak of hostilities was a canny thought characteristic of the man. The family plate is probably well out of the country by this time via Delagoa Bay, and Mr and Mrs Eruger will no doubt follow it at an early opportunity, should the worst come to the worst. Cronje is probably on, his way to St. Helena by this time, and he will have an opportunity of loosing then as a new edition of Napoleon Bonaparte. As for Ki'uger, I don't expect to see him emulating- the "little corporal" or Arabi Pasha or Cetewayo. There'll be no carrying the Boer President round in a. cage to Hk make a British holiday.

When the war is ended and the British flag floats over Pretoria, Kmger will be enjoying his otiuin cum dignitate on the Continent, sitting on the front verandah of the beat hotels, smoking the biggest pipes, and consoling himself with the reflection that he has fought the good tight, and that the Lord looks after his own in the person of Kmger, even though it has pleased a gracious providence to allow the British soldiers to knock merry Hades out of the Boers. Britishers are supposed to be very fond of liberty, but there are timea when one is inclined to think that there is .such a tilling as allowing too j much freedom. When one reads proBoer letters in the paper, hears similar sentiments of sympathy expressed ! with the men who murder our sold- j iers under cover of the flag of truce, | an. average Briton begins to thinU ; that after all llussia is to be con- j gratulated upon having- siveih a. placti j as Siberia for the. accommodation ofl j malcontents. When a nation is vi ! war all should be patriots, and thoso j who are disloyal in their expression!! j should not remain tinder the Hag, bun: be sent over to the other side where they may gain practical knowledge) of the people Whose cause they champion to the detriment of their own kith and kin. Only last week in this city a. publican, it is stated, dra.nk "Success to the Bows, and may Mie.y wade through British blood to vie- j tory." A very pretty sentiment to j coniie from the lips of a man who makes his living1 amongst Britishers. It is to be hoped he wa.s merely joking, but if he was he will find H an expensive bit of humour, for every man in the ba.r walked our- a.fter telling him that unless the British flag1 was flying when the contingent | marched out his windows would re- j quire the services of a glazier. Xotl j content with tlhat his old customer**, transferred their business to a rival house and have stayed away in spite of the fiu-t that he tciok tihe hint about the flag. 'H"JrK-"l-'K"''M' The "Deil's pasteboards" upset the decorum of the We-leyau Conference this week. 1 don't wislh it to be | understood that any of the brethren were engaged in a game of euchre, although, to tell the truth, the third reading of the stations might with some fairness be likened to the fascinating fun of "cut-throat," It wan however when the report of the Theological Training Institute came up for consideration that, "cai'ds'1 were mentioned. One lay brother practically exploded a mine by ex■prestiinir his opinion tlhat some of tlhose trained in that institution were not sufficiently spiritually minded Fortunately, the .roof did not fall In and he was able to give a reason for the opinion he had formed. He said that one of them in his sermon had actually advocated card-playing. Still the rafters held up the roof, eve.) when-tihe speaker added, "The object of preaching is not .so much to get large congregations as to save souls for Christ?' That, of course, is a. fine sentiment, but the speaker had overlooked the fact that nowadays tiifirst question is to make a church pay, and big congregations mean increased incomes. Is it the self-sac.ri j ficing soul seeker or the fluent spealc'or 'that secures the plums in the shape of the big city churches? The full particulars of this case did not, however, come out, for just at this stage one of tlhose clerics who always fear publicity to anything- that may damage the cloth, promptly suggested goiiig into committee, giving as his reason "The press is present avnd if we don't go into committee we have no protection." His suggestion was adopted, and what happened in committee deponent sayeth not. One tilling is certain—when the committee reported no mention was made of the subject, tihe lay brother still lived, and the craft was saved. ********** It was on the down train from Eotorua the other day that a cynical tourist took a mean advantage of the polite guard. The train was leisurely meandering along the swamp line when the guard passed through the carriages. One of the Australian passengers asked him: "Say, Guard, what is the difference between this train and the one that went clown yesterday?" The guard, anxious to afford all the information possible, replied: "Oh, it was the slow train that went down to Auckland yesterday, air; this is the fast one." "Oh is it?" said the traveller. "What's it fast to?" The guard gazed silently at the passenger more in sorrow than in anger and went on his weary ticket punching way. IE he had had presence of mind he would have retorted "To New Zealand, sir."