THOSE TERRIBLE TWINES.

Auckland Star, Volume XXX, Issue 28, 3 February 1899, Page 6

THOSE TERRIBLE TWINES.

By W. W. CAETINTER,

Author of 'Matrimonial Mishaps,"1 etc

'I thought you boys were under arrest- Styles said he was going to have you pulled yesterday/ said the apothecary, as flic twins came into the drug store.

•Fudge! Styles has had no reason to have us arrested, for we behave ourselves so Avell that there is no cause for anything of the kind,' said Bije, innocently. 'Say, have you any medicine that will cure a cat bite?'

'I will give you some medicine to cure the bite if )Qu will tell us all about that Styles' affair, and 1 will agree to keep the thing mum,' said the druggist.

'i will do it; but, mind you, if it gets out, we will even up with you,' said Bije. '1 will agree to that, so go ahead, said the druggist. 'When Styles had made up his little disagreement with the girl of his heart, and was sure that he was going to marry Miss Jacobs, he built an addition to his house. He did not furnish the large room, but left ft unfurnished, so that his bride coi.ld pick out the furniture; but it's my opinion he left it bare purposely, to have a dance after the wedding.

'After all that lien and I had done for Styles,he hadn't the decency to ask us to the wedding-, or even to come and see the guests dance. We talked the thing over, and made up our minds that we would get even with him for the slight. 'All of Miss Jacobs' folks, and a lot more, met by appointment and marched to Squire Johnson's. Miss Gates walked in front, and sang the 'Bridal March,' but it sounded more like the death march to rr.j. When they got over to Squire Johnson's, she corralled them on the porch, and gave three knocks on the door. 'The squire opened the door, and said: 'Who comes there?' ' "Squire Johnson, I have brought hither a pair who are seeking the sanctum of happiness." ' '"Let them enter, and the path shall be opened to them," wheezed the squire. 'Miss Gates says that is the ancient Roman way of getting married. Ben and I thought it was a lunatic performance. 1 do not see why some folks want to stick to some old style of thing that is out of date, when they have a good sensible way that even fools would know what they were

doing1. » 'We boys could not see much more after the bridal party got inside, because they assembled in the front room, so we went to get ready for the second act. .

'Jim Lervy wanted us to throw his goat in the windov when they gotyto dancing-, andl let the animal do his best for once. He said he would not make any difference if they killed him, as his father was going to kill him anyway, and he would rather Billie would die fighting, as it would be more honourable than to be taken out and shot.

'But Ben had got Styles' old cat, and Miss Gates' big black one, and we tied their tails together and dropped them in at the window in front of the procession as the guests marched around the room.

'Squire Johnson and Miss Gates ■were taking the lead, and singing "Hail to the Chief."

'The cats came down square in front of them. One started toward the door and the tfther in the opposite direction. Wefi, sir, for about a minute I looked for one of their tails to pull out. Then they turned, and came together. I wish you could have heard the screeches those cats made. There was a cloud of hair raised up right above them. The "Hail to the Chief" was busted up in about a second, and the cat chorus sounded every bit as good. . 'Squire Johnson started for the animals, hissing like a goose, and yelling "scat!" Then he kicked at them, and they both sank their teeth in his leg, clawing, biting, arid yelling. My Lord! how the squire did bellow! 'Styles jumped in and grabbed his cat, and started to throw it out of the window. It set its teeth in his arm, and Miss Gates' cat was hanging down, and got its work in on his hip. Styles tried his best, to let go, but he couldn't do it.

•' "Pull 'em off, some one! What ails the devilish cats?" he yelled, as he shook his arm ant! clawed around at his hip. 'Dad here mixed in, and got hold of the cat that was chewing Styles' hip, just as the blacksmith came up, and tat the string that held their tai,ls together. Well, sir, that cat stuck up his hind feet and gave dad a couple of clashes across the wrist that made him drop it quicker than you could wink. 'Dad was riled, and he kicked the cat plump on to Judge Gray's shoulder, and it socked its claws into the back of his neck; then it jumped on his wife's head, and after kicking her hat down over her eyes, dashed through the window like a bullet. 'Jim Lervy had crowded up to the window to see the fun, and, before he could wink, the cat hit him square in the face.

'Judge Gray pulled off his coat, and said he couid lick the son-of-a-gun that threw the cat on his back. It took Squire Johnson and old man Jacobs to keep him and dad apart.

'The other cat had been twice around the room, and, honestly, its tail was as thick as my arm. Every woman was standing on a .chair and screaming; the men were jawing; the fiddler, threw his fiddle-box at the cat as it dashed by, the fiddle flew out, and broke the neck square off from it; while the fiddler jumped up and down and swore. It was the most exciting time I ever saw at a wedding.

'Jim Lervy wiped the blood from his cheek and wanted to whip Ben because the cat had jumped out of the window.

'The blacksmith opened the door, and the other cat ran out. Styles' bride fainted away, and fell on the table. Dad rushed out to the kitchen, and came back with a dishpan of water. When he got within about six feet of the bride, he threw the water at her and Styles. Mrs Stephens and ma o-ot about all of it. They had run over to the fainted bride, and were fanning her, to try and restore her to consciousness.

'Lord! but tlie Widow Stephens was mad! She had on her best dress. Styles, he just caved. He told them all to get out of his house; that he had trouole enough to get his bride without having her killed off on his wedding day

ll do not believe the bride had tainted, because when the first sprinkle of water hit her, she opened her eyes as quick as a wink, and jumped as lively ua it filie had stepped on a mouse.

'Well, after a time the guests got quieted down, and the fiddler went to borrow a fiddle. Then Judge Gray said he would like to know how those cats had got their tails tied together. ' "Some one must have done it, and thrown them through the window," said one of the guests.

'Six or seven started for the window, and that is all Ben and I know about it, because we had to be home and asleep when Dad, Ma, and Mrs Stephens got over to our house, and we had to hurry, I can tell you.

'Say, if you want to get all the fight out of cats that there is in them, just tie their tails together. I'll never do it again though, because 1 think it's a mean trick to play on a eat.'

'Why did Styles think it was you boys?' asked the. druggist. 'Just because we are boys, and he did not dare to lay it to a man. Some people think boys are the only ones that ever does anything out of the war.'

'I say. did Mr Lervy get any poison here to give to Jim's goat?' asked Bije. 'He has not bought any here,' answered the druggist. 'If he poisons Billie, I'll have him arrested for cruelty to dumb animals. A man that would poison a nice goat like that just because he was butted a few times a week is a. bad citizen,' asserted Bije. 'Why don't you boys take it home and keep it?' said the doctor. 'Oh, dad's mad at it because it once knocked him out of the barn when we had it over there. Where is your medicine, Doc? Ben and I both got bitten when we were tying the tails of those cats together.

'Well, come on, Ben; it's time we wcjre at the pond. There is going to be a baptising racket down there, and it will pay you to come down,' said Bije as they hurried out of the store. 'There is a pair tnat is not often matched. I have a notion to go down to the pond. I more than half believe they are up to some fresh mischief,' said the doctor, as he followed them to the door.