JOKES OF THE DAY.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIX, Issue 101, 30 April 1898, Page 3 (Supplement)

JOKES OF THE DAY.

The Count—l do not see why we should not live happily togezzer. You , are a fine cook. 'Yes, but I should have nothing to cook with.'

The Host—Now, shall we :joiii the ladies? Colonel Bibber (of Kentucky)-^Well, I rekon I can stand a'few mo', sah! What are they drinkin'? : . / .

Mrs. Wayside (doubtfully)— You say you are a college graduate?. You don't talk like one. Weary Willie—No, lady, .'cause I don't want to shock yer. , .

She—You spend money, like .water! He I always liquidate my debts?'

Mrs Berry (glancing across the table)—: I'm afraid my little girl isn't enjoying'her dinner. Rachel (who has left her .pudding11 half eaten, with a sigh)— Yes, mamma, asi much as I can; but, of course, if I was bigger I'd enjoy more of it. ■ ' ■" '

Some people don't count the cost until the bill, is overdue. : . . ' ."

Too many good resolutions are- stronger at their birth than at any subsequent period. .■'.;■. -./■ . ;■;•; ■;

The Bad One—Gimme- a .penny, Curlyhair, an' I'll learn yer t' swear like a puffect gent in five minutes. ' ',' . -

Tourist-^-The houses in- some of the ancient cities had walls- ten feet thick.. Mr Bricktow (enviously)—l presume sonic of the neighbours were musical.

Dobbs—There's a'man-who shaves several times a day. Wiggin—You don't mean it? Should think there'd be nothing left of his face. • Dobbs—lt doesn't hurt his face at all. He's.a: barber. . ,

'Doctor,' said the substantial citizen, as he rushed up to the young physician, 'I owe you my life.'' 'Eh? 1' 'Yes:' I was taken suddenly ill-two days^ago, and my wife .serif for you—and you were not in.

Not, so Bad.—Ethel: 'So poor Tom Slapbang had four ribs broken in the game yesterday. Wasn't that awful?' College Half-back (cheerfully): 'Oh, no; there was only three minutes left to, play,, so-it did not materially affect the score.' .;:.. : .

He: Woman is a delusion.—She: And man is always hugging some delusion or other. .---■■. : ' ■-■ ■ i--'.«:.: -