RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXVIII, Issue 136, 12 June 1897, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

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Bomo write, a neighbour s imme to lash Bomo write—vain thoughtl forneortful cash. Bomo write to please tne country clash. And raise a din, For mo, an aim I never fash— I wri(n for f uili

Already Mr Seddon has commenced his course of banqueting in London, and I tremble for his digestion by the time he has gob through wibh all the Record Reign dinners. No doubb the Premier has a digestion like an ostrich's, bub even that bird, or one of the Mobubapu emus, wonld run a good risk of being seriously upsab by bhe alarming programme of aldermanic feasts which Mr Seddon haa before him for the next two or three weeks. It would be a good idea, I fancy, if Maoriland's Premier were to go to each banquet attended by a food receptacle in tho person of a member of the Maori contingent, who could dispose of nil the gaatronomical luxuries ' King Richard' didn't care to tackle. The average aboriginal would readily undertake the job of banqueting, aud ask no questions aa to the inward mystery of tho London cook's handiwork. Elae, lam much afraid Richard will hardly be himself again for a long time after he gets back to his loyal subjects, and think whab a warm time would be in store for Captain Russell and his Opposition army if bhe Premier's digestion, and, consequently, hi? temper, were rained. Ib is certainly to the interests of New Zealanders to see bhab their ruler does nob come back wibh hia digestive organs liko unto those of a retired Indian colonels or a fattod London alderman.

The cables informed us this week bha Mr Seddon haa been prophesying with a mighty spirib of^ prophecy, and that he haa been emulating tho immortal compiler of 1 Zadkiel'a Almanac,' with the exception that bhe Premier's prophecies are all of good omen. Like Tennyson's hero of ' Locksley Hall,' Mr Seddon has

'Dipt into the future far as human eye could

see, Saw the vision of tho world and all tho wonders

that would be.' He foresees the good time coming when there will be an Imperial Council ab which delegates trom every part of the British Empire will meet and discuss all matters effecting the inbereats of the colonies. This Mr Seddon appears to think will be the first real step towards bhe federation of the empire on which the sun is supposed never to seb, bub bo continually beam gracioußly with a bruly affectionate solicitude for the noble British race and the British race only. After all, Mr Seddon's dream of bhe fubure is very near ab hand, or ab all events everything points towards iba consummation before very long. Bub < then Mr Seddon in assuming the r6le of the high prophet and apostle of Imperialism is only in this instance prophesying exactly what Sir George Grey has ab various times reUerabed in public in Auckland and oleowhere in New Zealand. One of our G.O.Ms mo&b cherished ideas, and the one on which he was wonb to lay the greatest stress in speeches and in newspaper interviews, was the vision of the future in which all the countries under the aegis of the British Crown would moec regularly in common conclave, aba kind of Imperial Council, at which the affairs of the nation, and particularly of the colonies, would be discussed. His idea was thab this Council should meet in turn ab the principal centres of fcha empire throughout the world, in Canada, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, as well as in London. This was one of Sir George's peb ideas and evidently his prophetic mantle has fallen on Mr Seddon.

•Loyal' Aucklandera are sbill in the throes attendanb on the production of a Record Reign memorial which will offend none and give pleasure to all. It is a hard job to arouse enthusiasm on the subject, and the callousness of the general public ought to show tho rabidly loyal persons who indite columns of fulsome newspaper correspondence gush concerning Queen Victoria bhat there is no very pressing desire on bhe parb of Auckland citizens to put up a statue or anything else to commemorate the Diamond Jubilee. Anyhow, it is generally better to leave the afcatue in statu quo until the person whom ib is to commemorate ia Bafely dead. This seems tome bo'be the safest principle in regard to abatuea to notabiltiesr We have various celebrated persons to whom no doubt in the future Auckland will erecb sbatues ; some of them are dead and some are not, but the longer they are dead tho better chance they will have of getting a fine big statue up to commemorate their blessed memories. Apropos of the Jubilee memorial suggestion, a rather luminous idea was propounded by an Otahuhu correspondent ab the meeting of the Auckland Memorial Committee this week. The writer (a • Miss'), in a pathetic appeal, urged the claim of her pet scheme, which was that a home should be established for old maids in indigent circumstances. The meefeing, sad to Bay, received the overture with hilarity, and the old maids are not likely to got their home. I think, however, thab in a country like New Zealand a woman who fadee into that neglected being an ' old maid ' has only herself to blame. A New Zealand girl, unless she be hopelessly imbecile, or squint-eyed, or woodenlegged, or incurably red-haired, generally tnmbles on a man to support her before she arrives at the dreaded sere-and-yellow-leaf period of female existence.

To return to the statue question, I see that a newspaper correspondent has laid sorrowful emphasia on the, to htm, distressing fact thab.there is no statue of the Queen anywhere in our district. Now, this is misleading, not to say inaccurate. There ia an artistic statue —well, to be exact, a busb—of Her Majesty ab presenb extant ab Roborua. Her Britannic Majesty ia wooden, and ahe occupies an elevated position in the Maori meeting-bouse at Rotorua, known as ' Tama te Kapua,' named after one of the great ancestors of the Arawa tribe. In connection with tho Jubilee celebrations at Rotorua — for Rotorua like London, knows its duty to the empire —ib is proposed to rejuvenate Her Majesty — the wooden one—by giving her a coab of paint. The local Town Board sab in solemn conclave last week, and finally decided to expend the sum of ten shillings inparadoxical as ib may seem— making a new * sovereign.' I learn from the Rotorua paper thab bhe important job of restoring the regal features in Tama te Kapua to their pristine beauty is bo be entrusted to the artist who recenbly painted the sign board ab the town pound. A difficulty, however, arose during the course of the debate as to the Queen's colour. Not thab the Town Board had any doubt as to Victoria Regina being of a 'right' coJcur, however, but simply as to the colour in which the bait should be revived. Ib was remarked that the counbonsnce was getting very black and smoky through tbe frequenb tribal council (and

haka) fires in bhe house, and though one member suggested thab she should be artistically browned, as the Maoris might prefer a Queen of their own colour, it was ab lasb decided to finish her off in white, all the Bame as the pakehas. The • bust' did not end there, however, for one took place in 'Tatna-te-Kapua ' the other evening amongst bhe loyal Arawas, at the conclusion of which a stand-up fighb occurred, as the result of bhe consumption of sundry too potonb beers amongab the Queen's loyal Arawas, and all over the rejuvenation of Her Majesby I The Resident Magistrate will investigate tha 'loyal' rumpus next court day, bub in tho meantime the Queen is being whitewashed, *** * ♦

Some good people have very primitive ideas as to the mosb appropriate celebrations of bhe ' great and auspicious ' occasion this month. For insbance, a large proportian of bhe community consider tfaab eating and drinking are the two chief objects in life, and their idea of a Jubilee seems to be to make gluttons of themselves. Their notion of enjoying themselves is to have more cakes and ale than usual, and in this glorious country more meat than ordinarily, with a big fire to warm themselves ab. Accordingly tho Wanganui people have struck the good old ideaof making a big bonfire and roasting an ox whole in a public square. They are going bo burn down their old hospital and have a lob of roasb quadruped, and no doubt geb very full with beer as well as ox, and have a great time generally. Who wouldn't bo a Wanganuite at Jubilee time 1 The crudeness of the roast-ox idea for a spreo is on a par with its venerable antiquity. Ib is recorded in Genesis that Noah, after landing his cargo of stock from the ark, offered up a burnt sacrifice of some of the animals which walked oub two by two, and I have no doubt that a good old working bullock was among&b them. From that day to this, through all tho ago?, man has religiously kept! up the cuabom of offering up a roast ox on special occasions, and thab the custom is nob extinct Wanganui will attest this month of Jubilee.-

There was a time, before tho talk of bhe Record Reign celebration commenced, when 1 fancied that I was a thoroughly loyal subject of our Sovereign Lady the Queen. Recent events have, howover, somewhat shaken this belief, and cuusod me to wonder whether after all I am possessed of even average loyalty. This doubt has been raised by hearing tho grandiloquent speeches made by men who are eager to prove their loyalty by erecting a statue of the Queen in Auckland. Young lovers pouring out their gushing admiration for their first girl could not equal some of the phrases used by these ultra-loyal subjects. To hear them talk one would imagine that if Her Majesty had nob livod as long as sho has, this progress of the British Empire would have been immediately stopped. Now, while I am as ready .13 anyone to admit the many virtues of our Qurson, still I feel it is tho pure court she has kept, and the good example she has shown to her female subjects as n wife and mother, that is tho most deserving of admiration. As to the progreas of the Empire, thab is due to the grasping nature of the average Britisher, which makes him pu3h his way anywhere that money can be mado, coupled with the fact thab the nation has been ruled by elected statesmen of giant intellect. As far as the statue goes, it will perhaps be useful as a reminder to succeeding generations that the Queen lived, but as far as practical utility is concerned, the £2,000 would do more good if expanded in draining one street in the city, and thus preserving from sickness a few of Her Majesty's subjects next summer. I was aboub to suggest that a stafue fco Sir Georgo Grey would be more suited to our requirements, bub the city's benefactor has erected his own monument in tho donations to the Public Library, and the memory of the man who firnt formed public opinion in the colony scarce requires perpetuating by means of a bronze figure. * * IT * * * *■ ■>,:- * People who do nob like street musicians will, perhaps, not regreD to learn thab a group of wandering minstrels were rather 1 badly hoaxed one day this week. A wag who had been enjoying the music (for this particular band does play well), suddenly gave threepence to a small boy, and asked him bo tell the leader that there was a big Gorman wedding being celebrated in a certain city hotel. In a very short space of time that band was performing for all it was worth before that pub, much to the enjoyment of the regular customers. All sorts of Fatherland selections were played, and after aboub half an hour the loader wenb inside to gat a really good donation from the happy bridegroom. He was politely informed that no wedding had been celebrated thab day, and aft«r being shown over the house it dawned upon the Teuton's mind, that he had been hoaxed by a Britisher, ,

The women's rights crusade is extending to the ladies of the Maori race. There is a committee of Maori women ab Wanganui which is resolved to do or die in the attempt to uphold the rights of the female Becbion of the native people. The Darktown belleß and dusky ' Women's leaguers ' have evidently taken a leaf out of the book of the sharp-featured and long-tongued white sisters, for they propose petitioning the next Maori Parliament, which meets in September, to admit native women to the Parliament, in order thab they may bring forward eubject3 more closely affecting themselves. Whab those subjects may be • Zamiel' knows nob, bub no doubb they include demands for the right of the Maori ladies to 'wear the breeches' in a variety of ways, including doubtless the righb to wallop their husbands whenever they are able to do so. It will bo a fine day for the much-repressed wahine when she gets into Parliament, and is able to harangue her friends and toes on the benefits of liberal land laws, anti-dog collar Bill?, and statutes for the free distribution of beer, shawls, and brighb-colonred roundabouts. The average Parliament is a terrible sample of verbosity even with speakers of the male sex only, but when the ladies gob in, the Maori ladies at that, bhe volume of talk will be wonderful to contemplate. The emancipation of the fair sex amongsb the pakehaa is a lesson which ha? not been lost on our brown fellow-countrywomen, but the horrid ' tyrant man ' of tlieir own colour is too conservative jusb at present to give the ' old woman' a voice in his national councils. ' Zamiel,,1 being endowed with a spirib of deep prophecy, like unto Mr Seddon, propheuiebh thut the Maori ' shrieking sistorhood ' will have to wait a little longer ere their dreams of liberty are realised.

There is consternation in the ranks of the * bookmakers ' who ply their pencils in Vulcan Lane and on the racecourse, for fche edict) has cone forth that cash betting is illegal and they are to be held amenable to the decision of the English and New South Wales courts. In Sydney there have been wholesale prosecutions and heavy fines inflicted, and the 'bookies ' who have hitherto done business there are flitting bo other colonies where they may for a time at least continue to earn a living withonb running the risk of getting heavily lined or senb to gaol perhaps in tho very height of a good gambling season. The Sydney bookies, ib is stated, are changing their scene of operation to Victoria, bub the probability is thab they will soon find themselves chivvied on out of Victoria into West Australia, South Australia -and Taenaania, and they may possibly find a resting place for their weary feet in Hobart, for there the sweep promoters flourish though they are barred everywhere olas >s> A O3tvai#»i<± %**-

land is nob likely to hold oub any inducement bo them for the Auckland police are already on the warpath, and tho local pencillers are expecting to be called upon for an explanation of their conduct at an early sitting of the Police Courb. This proceeding seems bo be somewhat of a farce while tho totalisafcor is licensed by Acfe of Parliamonb, for where pounds are invested on the tote, half-crown or even shilling wagers are taken by the bookmakers on very liberal odds, for they have to compete wibh the machine, and to treab one means of gambling ditferenb from bhe other savours very much of clasa privilege. The subject is one thab should be dealt wibh by Parliament as a whole, and not in any spasmodic way simply because action haa been taken in another colony.