RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXIV, Issue 208, 2 September 1893, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

?** XBY,, Samuel

pome write, a nefghbours name to la*h Pome write—vain thought! for needful cash, Some write to please the country clash, Andraisea din, For me, an aim T never fash - 1 write for fun.

It is intensely amusing—as well as annoying—to watch tho political tug-ofwar that Is now going on in the big talking shop of the central city. Two all-important questions have been thrust upon our legislators —the liquor question and the question of womenhood suffrage—and tho song of the average member is ' How happy could wo be with neither !' But our politicians are not io be permitted to shelve either question, end like sheep driven to the slaughter they have been compelled to go into the division lobbies day after day. When they come back to their constituents of course they will be able to explain why they voted as they did vote, and, well I suppose their constituents will swallow tho explanation as per usual. They may succeed in explaining away all theselittle difficulties of the past; but the future is not co clear. At the goneral election we shall have many conflicting interests. The Conservative party will do their utmost to oust the Liberal party from power. Tho publican and brower, backod up by the man who likes his gloss of beer, will fight the prohibitionist tooth and nail. The advocates af women's suffrage will do their utmost to ousb every candidate who dares to say •nay' to extension of the franchise, and these, with a little of tho private versus State Echools element, Bible in Rchools, totalisator tax, labour questions, etc., etc., ad iiifinitum, will prove a veritable sea of troubles to our proaent and would-be legislators. Parties will be split up so that no person will be ablo to predict the result, and in the end wo will, as üßual, find ourselves just about a3 well off as before.

Here is an opportunity for such a candidate as one of whom ib ia said that when contesting a large city constituency he professed himself to be an 'independent,' and no servile follower of either party. To the Conservative sub-rosa he wag a Tory to tho backbone ; to the Liberals he was all that is most beloved by the greab party of progress and roform. The Orangemen were supporting him because he was pledged to them in favour of State education, free, eecular, and compulsory, while the Roman Catholics would not oppose him because he was, by some strange contradiction, believed to be in favour of granting State aid to private Bchools. To the publicans he was represented as an invoterato opponent of any attempt to destroy vested interests, and he expected to secure tho temperance vote because of a publicly-expressed determination to have 'control' of the liquor traffic (whatever that may mean). Tho Vicar of Bray was nothing to this 19th century politician, and he (the politician) would have gone in for that constituency swimmingly had not a timely discovery been made, and he was instead very emphatically relegated to private life for a period of three years. These are the characters who may be expected to shine when on the question rack, and electors will within the noxti couple of months, begin to wonder whether they have been correctly taught the moaning of tho English language.

llb Bellamy's going?' is one of the questions of the day which no doubt our legislators have been and are asking oach other with a greab deal of anxiety at the scab of Government. Probably members never dreamed when they first tackled the principle of the diroct veto of tho liquor traffic and the Government Licensing Bill a few days ago that they would so speedily be called upon to decido whether or no Parliamentary Bellamy's was to be included in tho provisions of the Liquor Bill. Some members seem to think that to bring Bellamy's within the clauses of the Bill and to allow police, supervision and the usual hotel regulations to apply to that shrine of Bacchus ab which M.H.Tt.'a alone are permitted to worship, would be a serious breach of their time-honoured privileges. If there is anything to bo afraid of from police supervision, for instance, then, the sooner Bellamy's goes the better. The Premier, 1 notice, regretted in tho House that fcho thirty members of Parliament who carried the proposal to inciudo Bellamy's in the Bill thought it necessary to call in the police to look after this peculiarly Parliamentary club. The Hon. Mr Seddon, no doubb, like many other members of the House, objects to tho police being placed in charge of legislators when it comes to refreshing themselves within the sacred purlieus of the Parliamentary Buildings. I really am inclined to doubt) whether Mr Manukau Buckland, on whose motion ib was decided to include Bellamy's, was sincere in his proposal. Mr VV.F.B. is by no means a rabid teetotaller, or even a teetotaller of any sort, and I would perhaps ■jooner have expected to hear of the proposition coming from any other member of the House than from him. Somehow I cannot help thinking that this move of the member for Manukau was a subtle device really intended—with tho aid of sundry other amendments —to crush the Bill. At any rate though, for the present, lot us tako Mr Buckland at his word, and believo that he really wanted to put Bellamy's) on the aamo • footing as on ordinary hotel. And, as far as I can see, there is no uarthly reason why it should nob bo so treated, bub honourable members, by re-committing the Bill and striking out tho obnoxious interpolation, have shown that they chink otherwise.

This raises the pertinent question of the fubure retention or abolition of Bellamy's as an institution. At present, I believe, Ib ia one of the few attractions for members of Parliament at Wellington. Tho luxurious bar, with its tempting varieties iv the way of liquor, is the favourite resort of many a tired — bored — legislator. The member who is sick of Fish, who has had a surfeit of Hogg, and of the other dishes on tho political menu in the Chamber, turns with a sigh of relief to the comfortable club which a bountiful country has provided for him, and over his steaming punch, liis whisky hot, hig unpretentious ' gin-and-bitbors,' or his still moro modesb 'colonial beer, onctoavours—nob unsuccessfully, I trow—to forget his legislative woes and to banish the ennui induced by a protracted stonowal). Dub will this always bo so ? Well, ib is hard to tell what, the dear wotnon will do when they get the franchise, and when they send female representatives to Parliament, bub if the Women's Franchise Leagues occu lately voico the women of the colony, then I think there is every likelihood that Bellamy's is doomed. Nob thab its fate is yet sealed, yo trembling lawmakers I Your noble inBtitutipn is pretty safo for many a year yet, but if I am to judce by what I am assured by&omeoftbe women's franchise leading lights, then its fate may before long bo written on the wall. Woman, in her alarming indifference to the creature comfortu of male M.H.R.'s, will as likely aa nob

abolish Bellamy's in days to come—unless, by the way, the ' horrid men' throw a sop to Cerberus and give her a second edition of Bellamy's all to herself. But should Bellamy's actually go the way of closed hotels, what a wail of woo would ascend to the heavens from the parched throat of Parliament. Probably, even those thirty members, if their Parliamentary life be long enough, would bitterly regret the day that they suggested the abolition of Bellamy's. For them no more the grateful usquebaugh would be poured out ready to their eibow; no more should the exhilarating b. and a. be deftly mixed in tho adjoining club-room ; no more delicious lemonsquaeh ;no seductive whisky cocktail; no enticing mint-julep, none of the thousand and one drinks known to commerce and the barmaid, no long beers eyeD, in fact, nothing to drink excepb the detested tea and coffee of the church soiree and Sunday-school' bun scullle.' What a sad lot would ba that of our ' nip Moving members when their one consolation—Bellamy's —is rudely snatched from them by the exercise of the local option ! It mighD turn some of the unconvertod into teetotallers— perhaps—but in the main, 1 venture to predict, ib would have but tho one effect—that of making them go further for their 'tipple.' This would neither add to the comfort of the mighty men who mako our laws, nor to the progress of Parliamentary business. Perhaps I may bo mistaken, but I hope that in the Parliament.of tho future it may not be found necessary to koep an increased staff of messongera to ' whip in ' members from tho nearest public-houses when divisions are needed. It would not conduce to tho dignity of the 'Ouso, as Mr E. M. Smith has it, and members will have their ' nip,' come what may ! **» ♦ * * * * • A small boy can frequently cause an amount of trouble, but it is seldom that the results are so great as in the case of the little follow who was arrested last week at Dovonport by Constable Rovvle3. His casehasnot onlybeenreferrod to in tho daily proas, but was mentioned in the Houso of ltoprosentatives. As the caso is still undecided, I do not intend to rofor further to thia particular matter, but what struck me as strange, is the tact that) a fow yeara ago when a small boy was arrosted for taking one, pennyworth of wood, no protest was entered by the public. ■ That case, however, illustrates some of tho diflicultios that exist in the way of the guardians of the peace. Too often tho unfortunato constable is placed ' between the devil and the deep sea.' If he does not arrest, his superior officer may 'jump on him,'and if he doos secure the small boy, he may arouse public indignation, and if an eloction is near at hand, the matter may bo prossed upon the attention of tho Governmont. In the case I raforred to, a constable did not think it worth while to arrest such a small boy, on a trivial chargo. He however montioned the matter Co tho sergeant in chargo of tho section, who agreed with him. Now, mark the result. The man who was interested in that pennyworth of wood complained to a still higher superior officer, who, burning with zeal, wenb up and brought in that child himself. Not content with that honour, he laid the matter before the inspector—not Mr Hickgori—and the result was that botli sergeant and constable were ' carpetted.' Both got finely rated, and tho sergeant was reduced in grade, although with a sheet hitherto unmarked. A lesson of that kind is not likely to be lost on tho re?t of tho force. With auch a fato before their eyes, it is not to bo wondered at if the men prefer to please those immediately over thorn, and run the dale of arousing public indignation. 11l the pnar, men have frequently boen compelled to make afreets, when their own judgment told them than a summons would rlo. If a man oxercisos his discretion and doos nob arrest, be may be fined and h.ive his sheet marked for insubordination. Such being tho cuse the constable naturally decides that ho will obey orders. The trouble arises from tho different idoas of inspectors. Ono man may be always in favour of making arrosts, while the man who succeeds him may have moro of tho milk of human kindness in his organisation, and prefor to avoid incarcerating children where ;i summons will do. If th« men are not smart enough to note tho change at head quarters, they may get into diffcultioa for proceeding upon the same lines as before.

Another danger to be faced by constables —more particularlyin suburban stations—is that they may in the execution of their duty arresh friend 3or relatives of. persons in authority in the district. A constable may nob always pause bo ask the prisoner, ' Are jou anybody in particular ?'■ ' Whose your uncle ?' or ' Will you pay for the cab if I send you home ?' By not taking such precautions they offend people in power who merely wait an opportunity to get even with them. Sooner or lator, an energetic constable ia almost sure to iay himself open to attack, and when ho does, these people wax virtuously indignant in defence of public interests. How thoy go to work depends upon the stamp of mon they are. I remember one instance whoro a new constable had stirred up tho dry bones in administering tho law. In that case' tho people who wanted him removed wont quietly to work and gob him made a sergeant, undor tho pleasing notion thab then he would be moved. Imagine their disgust when they found that thooo in authority thought that such a good man was in tho right place and left him there to still carry out the law. Probably, thab eergoant evon now does nob know why he was promoted.

It) ia nob often thab a man iB found courageous enough to publicly attack the prevalent idea that a knowledge of Latin is an indispensable adjunct to education. When Mr Adams did this at the mooting of the Auckland Institute on Monday evening, he porformed an act that should ensure him the life long gratitude of, not only the children of to-day, but also the much-talked-of unborn millions. In the future many a weary toiler over Latin versos will, no dotibti, raise liifl or her heart and repeat softly the rovered name Of the gentleman who dared to attack this ban 9of youth.

Probably, when struggling with some Latin root, fche boys will frequently repeat the name bo vigorously as to dropbhe first letter. Anyone who heard the paper road by Mr Adams muab admit that he mndo out a good case. It was ft eijjnifioanb fact, also, that he was ably supported in his contention by no less a person than Professor Thomas. It will bo some consolation to the scholars who are grinding awny ab Latin to think, as they rest for a moment, that the popular Profossor of Biology was once equally disgusted, and has apparently not yet quite recovered. Perhaps the roost important question raised by Mr Adams was whother ii is right that clever children who still have nob the power to learn language?, should for that reason forfeit all possibility of participation in the benefits arising from district scholarships? One thing is, however, certain. Even to learn science—which was strongly advocated by Mr Adarcs—a knowledge of Latin is requisite, unless our leading men are prepared to abandon the jargon usually adopted when dealing with scientific subjocts. Take for instance the nomenclature of plants. A man named 'Wood ' discovers a new variety, say of camellia. To hand his name down to posterity he distinguishes the variety by naming it after himself; but in order to Latinise it spells the word ' Woodii,'or ib maybe 'Smithsonii,' 'Jonesiana' or 'RobinBonii.' To my mind this is purely scientific cant, used for the bewilderment of the masses.

The curse of the family piano is widespread, its locale extends to the uttermost ends of the earth, and, like the poor, the noise of the thumping is always with us, morning, noon and night. Go where I will, 1 never can get quite beyond sound of that most melodious instrument—when in competent hands, but, alas, most fiendish under the exasperating manipulation of the unpractised—and the name of the latter is legion. Coming down to my sanctum sanctorum in the morning, my ears are Baluted at every second dwelling I pass by the noiae of a pianoforte more or les3 skilfully 'worked—" played " is generally a gross misnomer. Should I take a stroll at mid-day, whothor ib be in some comparatively sequestered street or in one of the main thoroughfare.', still I hear the fesbive maiden venting her superfluous energy on the unfortunate piano; and when I seek my home in the still evening hours, onco more I have to listen in dumb submission to the more or less musical note of the family piano ! Thump, pound, and bang ! pound, bang and thump ! it is from morning til night. Not that my feolings are unusually susceptible or delicately strung, however; very many others,l have nodoubt, will echo the words of 'Zamiel.' Be it ever so humble there ia no home without a piano in it. It might be worse, for instance, if the population, old and young, book to corneb-playiag or to learning the bagpipes ; but as it is, the curse of the piano is bad enough. But it is not in Mow Zealand and other 'white' countries alone, that the piano epidemic rages ; the toll disease has even found its ruthless way into the sunny isles of the Pacific ; and in the distant. Fiji Islands, onco-famed as tho abode of the King of the Cannibals and of all the libtle cannibals, and now as the land of the sugarcane and the big banana, the curso of the piano has fallen. Witness the following tearful plaint from ' One of tho Many Sufferers ' published in the 'Fiji Times ' of the 9th inst., under the heading of 'The Curse of Pianos':—

'To the Editor of tho Fiji "Times:" Sir,—Some time ago yon mentionod in your paper a proposod tax on these sometime instruments of torture. It seems to mo it would be a grand source of income to this colony, for if thore ever is a place more cursed than another with thorn, this is. Prom morning to night they weary one, played without any apparent regard to anyone, and on tho " Sunday "morninga house which shall be namolosshad a votary playing; hisorher scales for throe hours without censing. Could not some Acb bs passed so thab thoso instruments should have certain hours to practico and like uny other nuisance have somo limit. Suppose tho Polynesians took to practice any instrument they would bo immediately put down. Does this seem fair? To mo it does not, and 1 am sure they would not be any more nuisance than the homes that keep instruments of torburc. Please bry through your valuable papor if something can bo dono so thab bhe community aha.ll not be disturbed tho first thing in the morning till tho lnofc thing at night by people practising, but let. there bo pome stated hour or hours so thab all may havo a (jo in.—l am, etc., Onk of the Many Suj?fukeks of Suva.'

If baby-farming docs nob thrive in Auckland it certainly is nob for want of babies We seem bo be getting almost as bad as Sydney or Melbourne iti respect bo unwolcome little strangers who are found bo ba undesirable encumbrances to a section of the population. The advertisement columns of the papera are nowadays plentifully sprinkled with boanbifully worded announcements which scorn to point to that mysterious occupation known as " baby - farming," for almost ovory " wanted " column contains ono or more delicate intimations to the ciloct that a parent is wanted for some ' fine, healthy ' baby, to be 'entirely given up.' The casual reader is apt to throw hh paper aside now and then, and speculate as to the how, wlionco and wheroforo of these ' fine, healthy' babies. I tako throe samples, clippad at random, from one issue of an Auckland paper the other day : — ' Wanted, someone to adopt a healthy baby girl, three months old ; small premium {liven.—Address, C.E. 'Wanted, some kind person to adopb a fine healthy baby boy, nearly 4 months old.—Address, L.G. ' Wanted, a kind, motherly person to adopt a nico baby cirl, three days old ; entirely given up.' And so tho lists run on. How do theso babies como bo bo advertised ? and do they always find ' kind, motherly persons' to take them over, and no questions asked? Well, thab is more than ' Zamiol,' in all his wisdom, can tell.

Advertisements for tho purpose of disposing of inconvenient children are common enough, but wo very seldom find an advertiser wanting to adopt a big brother. Yeb that was what a young lady who advertised in a recent issue of an Auckland journal wanted! This is the advertisement, verbatim ct literatim :— ' Wantod to adopt, a brother, by a lonely maiden ; must ba sft 7:n, amiable, and move in good society.—Address Sister, care Office' Thab lonely maiden must have been very hard to pleaso, or very unfortunate, when sho has to advertise for a big brothbr to take care of her. Sho was, perhaps, a petite damsel, whose last young man only stood fivo feet nothing in his Sunday boots; so she hankers after a brolhor who must bo at least five feet seven inches. Poor little waif! I hope sho finds a brotherly relativo six feet high, as well as 'nmiable.' Were ib nob that I were a bald-headed, old married man, with a big family forsooth, I might even be tempted to aend in a tendor myself!