RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIII, Issue 270, 12 November 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

BY YAMIEL

Eonio wiito, a neighbour 3 name to lash Some write—vain thought! forneodful cash, Borne write to please the country clash, And raise a din, Jc or me, an aim I never fash— I write for fun;

Our Auckland Theosophists on Sunday last took up the gauntlet which several weeks ago was thrown down by the Rev. Mr Carter and Mr C. E. Button. These Wo gentlemen aB the appellants, ought, according to the rules of the tournament, to have beon presonb when Mr Drafiin, Mrs Drailin, and Mis 3 Edgortookup their gago. They did not appear, however, thua leaving thoir opponents to draw as unfavourable conclusions as they liked. N*ob that thoir presenco or absence mattered much, for thoy aro as little likely to bo drawn ovor to Thoosophy by tho argumonts of .its exponents as thoso aro to be divorced from thoir new faith by Mr Carter's written or Mr Button's spoken oloquenco. Tho attempts to prove the truth of Theosophy, or to disprovo ib, by moans of reasoning -most, of course, end in failure, simply because the matter lios boyoud tho province of logical demonstration. No man can give a reason

tor the faith that ia in him which would bo unassailable against tho attacks of arrvono who did not admit tho promises on which that faith was built. As a greab writer has said tho raison d'etre of the true God of .tho human consciousness i 3 nob reasoning m«,'ro or less ingenious bub an invincible faith. Discussions such as wo have had an opportunity of listening to, atintorvals, during the lasb fow wouks gonerally end in giving littlo satisfaction to any oxcopb the parties who engage in thorn. Doubtless Mr Drallin, on ) tho oTic hand, and Mr Carter on tho other, j feel that they have doraoliHhod thoir opponenb's argument.?; but thoir audioncos must feel that tho wliolo matter stands pretty much as ib was bofore these f;ontlcmen took it in bond. I don'b bc-liovo thttb either of the two lecturers succeeded in obtaining ono convert in the opposite carap. It would havo boon wonderful if thoy did. Although, personally, I am of Mr Button's way of thinking, I should havo a very poor estimate of tho Theosophist who was persuaded to forsake his croed through tho fervid bub illogicul arguments of tho genial lawyer. On tho othor hand, tho Christian who finds ib absolutely necessary for his poace of mind to believo in re-incarnations, lvarma, aud the obhor playthings of wita thab havo gona wool-gathoring, is no loss to Chriatainity. We havo no means at present of proving the genoral principles laid down by the Theosophists. But it is not because of this thab we should rojecb them ; if we had always acted on such grounds we would have rejected mosb thab is essential for our happiness. Wo reject them because we fail to sco any cloar necessity for accepting them. I cannot see what) better claim bhey have ovor tho principles which, ab present, aro supposed to regulate our lives, nor do I considor that by" their introduction tho world would bo made better or happior than ib now is. ♦*♦ » . **» * • Ib was nob at all out of piaco, although 60tne of the members of the Synod considered it so, that financial matters should loom co largely in the discussion of tho conclave mot ab Bi&hop Court. Although we have scriptural authority that man shall nob live by bread alono. ycb it is obviously impossible that at tho present timo lifa can bo supported without a daily allowance of food. Thoso, thereforo, who think that it is indelicate on the part of thoir clergyman to keep one oyo on earth and the loaves aud. fishes, whilsD the othor is raised to heaven, should remomber that ho is a man such as thoy aro. Lack of ' tho sinews of war' seoms to bo tho chief difficulty the church militant ha 3to contend with ab the presenb day. Some speakers ab tho Synod thought they required more workers, and others that it was greater earnestness that was needed, but all woro agreed on tho necessity for more cash. Even when they were not discussing financial matters the question of stipends was visible, as an undercurrent which bubbled up to tho surface whenever it had an opportunity. The remarks of many of tho speakers wore most just. Thoy deplored tho absonco of interesb displayed by the community in religious matters as ovidenood by tho lightness of bhe collection box, and thoy asked why ib was that the Opera House could be filled while tho churcho3 wers empty. There wero nob wanting those who could have explained to these sbepberda the reason of* thoir empty folds, bub thoy probably thoughb ib wisest to hold thoir peace. Tho reason, howover, is obvious to the sheep. Until the shepherd can provide them with more attractivo fodder than they can obtain elsewhere they will probably patronise the other place in preference to the church. In other words ib is useless for the Church to hope to load the people until she can fill her pulpits with men who are not only Christian bub also men of power and übiliby, mon who can unite the wisdom of the aerpenb with the gentleness of the dove. Whon sho can do this people will coaso to complain of the unattractive nature oitho church sorvices, and what money is needful for the carrying on of her work will be freoly given, instoad of being unwillingly doled oub as ia at present sometimos the caso. * * * Once more the season of post-sessional orabions is upon us. Tho heart of the country is very weary ab the prospect of the infliction of more 'expositions of statesmanlike policy,' and the spirit of the nowspaper roporters waxeth faint at tho thought of the coming platform speechifying. Whether Government supporter or Opposi-; tion champion, every M.H.R. appears to j deem it absolutely necessary that ho should inflict hi» political croak on a long-KuH'ering constituency, and to inflato himself with tho consequential idea than tho country is panting for a speech from him, and eager to catch the sonorous words of wisdom that fall from his ruby lips. Ho walks the streob with an air as ot one who is much beset with tho cares of State, and has not timo to bestow on every-day affairs, and he wears a look of deop pain and injured innocence if asked any importonont questions about, say, ' thab honorarium.' If his stature bo small ho adds to it by a brand-now tall hat from tho Empire City, the which gonorally aits very ill indeed upon his palo studious brow. Ho generally has a long roll of papers in his Land ; a Volume of Hansard is sticking oub of his broasb-pockeb; bis coat-tails aro voluminous with copies of Bundry Acts of Parliamenb and his whole aspocb is political; and he mighb easily be mistaken by a etrangor for 'the Government' or ab least tho Premier. He is truly a wondorful man, and if thoro were nob ho many of him we mighb reasonably welcomo him and foel proud of him as a man and a Statosman. As it is, ho is wo common and so much en evidence with his tall hat and hia political Bpeonhes that! we feol as if wo would like to pay him an extra honorarium to hold his tongue—ufc least during recess.

Tlio cuuiiUinK faitli whlcli some people repose in lhab awful and mystorious body

known aa ' the Government)' has never, I think, boon better exemplified than in a rocent instance of an amusing character, particulars of which were wired from Wellington, A shorb time ago an amiable and innocent individual in Ohio, or somewhere el&o in America, wrote to the New Zealand police authorities asking them to procure him somo curios from the Maoris and send them to his Yankee home. This time some man in England, with the faith of a mediaeval monk, wrote to tho Government of New Zealand, in all seriousnoss, asking; thorn to supply him with a wife. He is, he says, 54 years of age, five foot nine and ahalf inches high, and has £2,000 in hard cash. Having evidently read some romancing yarn about Now Zealand, nothing would satisfy him bud a Maori wife, who could bo well recommended for hia partner in life. Particulars such as tattoo marks, ago, numbar of horses and piga owned, number of provioas husbands, weight, etc,, are not specified, but probably the more profusely tattooed tho lady, the groator tho affection of the 54-year-old Benedict elect. Tho only condition imposed is that she musti be 'suitable.1 I don't know whether tho Cabinet have hold a sitting yob in ordor to conaidor this important despatch, bub if they have nob, thonloarnostlyhopo they will a.s soon as possible. Such an opportunity of testifying our ability toopon up a now and lucrative branch of oxport trade should cortuiuly not bo over-looked. If we can satisfy tlio presonfi applicant, and supply him with an eminently ' suitable ' native woMne, the probabilities are that thoro will presently bo as groat a rush on tho brown-Bkinned maidens of tho soil by tho wealthy eyeglaasod gallants of England as there is amongst tho samo clbbs for tho heiresses of America, and tho commission which tho Government mighb fairly pockob on tho transaction would go v long way towards swelling tho total of our rovonuo. # # * ■* # ■* * * » ♦Mr C , Papakura, Auckland, Sydney, Australia,' wan tho address on a lettor which disombarkod hero from tho 'Frisco mail steamer lasb Saturday. Wo aro goti ting usod to this sorb of thing lioro, though. ilt is quito a common thing to sco lottors arriving hero addrossod to Bomoono in ' Auckland, Australia,' or to notico i that somo worthy correspondent) ab tho othor side of the globo wishon to communicato with a friond in "Now Zealand, ) Sydnoy." To tho avoruge Britisher or .American Now Zealand and Australia aro I,'ttlo more than names, and mention of Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland, QueonslaVnl, or Ilobaro aro vnguoly cormocbort wsY.h wild fancies of cannibal Maoris, boo uiorangs, emus, gold-mine, frozen mat. ton and bushrangerf. But if wo wore to emulate Antipodean ignorance- and send our 'old-country' friouds budgota addrofst'd to 'Scotland, London,' or 'England, Glasgow,' thoy would stare, and sub tho wri'tor down at onco n« nothing but an ignoramus of horriblo and wonderful design. '.Tho average English man cannot comprehend that anything in tho colonies ia worth whilo looking into or Btudying so as to avoitl tho mosb common mistakes. * ,» » * » « #' * * One of tho funniest Htorios I havo hoard concerning tho colossal ignoranco of tho averacro English 'now-chum' with respoct to tho colonies, comes from Wellington. Tho yarn runu that (t now-chum of tho purOßt water, hic:h-collarod, oye-glaHsod, and boptickod after the vory latesb modols, who had road suendry glowing pamphlots of lifo in New Zealand, and a fow romancos of idyllic existence in the bo»om»of boautoous Maori uiaidonn, liad provailod on his storn parents to ship him out first-saloon to Now Zoaland to 'start life.' Now-chum rlid starb lifo in earnest in Wellington, with the result th it in a month ho had pponb all his substancD in riotous living, and at tho end of that! tamo was forced to bid adiou to hia hotol by nighb and with hasto. Of course Bonifaco soized his trunks, bub was mightily diagnsated to lind that instead of costly jowollory anil such liko, thoy contained a fow sorted pair of vory wide, tucked-up trousers, sevoral logs of lirowood for stroeb parade, and a I.irgo assortment of wooden dolls, small Imnd mirrors, brass rings, beads, and penny nails. The fact was, that misguided youth had takon out a hundred weight or fo of small rubbish from London in order to barter it with the Maoris for land !Ho had road of how tho : noblo eavage, in his old-time blindnoaa, sold half-a-million acres for a ruaby munkeb, a string of beads and four nails, and ho was bursting with impationco to como out and similarly awindlo tho poor ' hoathon. I wonder how our exceedingly businoss-like aboriginals of today would ! have treated new-chum and his brass rings and beads ? The probabilities aro, that, ' after ascertaining for thomeolvos thab'ib' rcallv lived they would have called in two [ doctors and an It.M. and got a warrant '. signed for his commitmonb to tho noarceb ' lunatic asylum. Traffic in pow ronts is practised in Auck- ' land, according to a statomonb mado at tho 1 Synod by tho llov. Mr Beatfcy. It appears • that one gninca per yoar secures a sitting, ' but for throe sittings a reduction of three 1 shillings is mado. Mr Beatty assurod tho ' Synod that aouno persons wero sharp enough •to buy three sittings and sub-lot two in 1 ordor to effect a saving on their own. s Talk about the Truck System and sub--1 contracting after that. This systom of ' payincr pew rents has always appeared ' absurd to those who think that salvation 3 should bo given • without monoy and with- ' oub prico.' An ovil, growing oub of pow 1 ronts, was manifested in a city church ro- ' contly. Ab tho evening sorvico two ' strangers entored tho church, and, as the i bell had ceased, woro shown to soats of one ' of the wardons. Shortly aftorwards the 1 owners arrivod and insistod upon tho > visitors being turned out of the places to - which they had boon shown. That kind of ' thing is nob calculated to caimo strangers ' to visib the church a second timo. A more amusing instanco occurred in one church quito recontly. Two young ladies had juet I gono into Pa's seat, when there ontorcd an 3 individual who looked jußb thf kind of man £ to whom tho injunction 'go into the highways and hedges and compol thorn to como in 'Would apply. Tho man had an unkompt I appearaneo and omitted an odour that did nob harmoniso with the Bweetsconts wafted '. I from tho handkerchiefs of tho dauasols. j Presently thoro arrivod tho mother, who 1 was Id to, yet wishod to enter her soat. r Sho quiotly informed tho man that ho was 3 in her pow, whereupon ho calmly replied, , ' You can got a seat behind.' Tho lady was ho r completely nonplussed that without anothor I) word who mookly retired to another pow. , Tho abolition of pow rents will prevent such ', scones and will inako our churches far more 3 popular, but what about the funds. _ Home of our paraons don't caro- to put choir trust j in Providcnco in this particular mattor. * * * »»• * • * b Thoro are fow fiolds of enterprise into 5 which tho Joint Stock Company proJ motor has not forced his way. One of 1 the mosb novel schemes for mitigating one 5 of the many ills to which mournful humanity t is liablo, has lately boon exploited _in London. A clofie obsorvor of the motives r which sway mankind has notod that many dosorving young pooplo uro deterred from " uniting their fortunes under the matri,l monial bond through tho fear of twins, ? whilo others who havo recklessly incurred this risk aro of ton placed in a position of ) embarrassraonb through tho unexpocbed arrival of two little strangors when only one 1 wasoxpectod. Now ib is gratifying to learn } that an admirable expedient has been nib upon in London whoroby ovor-population } may bo provided for on commercial pnn--8 ciples. Tho Provident Association published a prospoctuH in London, Soptomber ■>Ut recommending itself to tho patronage 3 of ail families, and especially to that of / young married couples. Its object is to in-

sure married people againsb twins and triplets. A married man oxpecting to become a father, the prospectus statos, musb deposit £5 to becomo a policy-holder. In caso the policy-holder's wife bus twins, he will receive £50 ; in case she has triplets, £75. Tho conditions of issuing policies are eimnlo, and aro intended to appeal especially to tho lower middle classes, bookkeepers, shop clerks and small tradesmon. Tho capital of tho concern is £10,000, and all tho directors aro reputable men of considerable property. Cannot we have somo such institution as this in New Zealand. To sco ourselves as othors see us is surely a bonolicial, if nob always an ogreeablo form of self inspection. A man's personality as ib appears to his partial gazo, and as it appoars to tho more critical eye of his neighbour, ia nob quito tho same thing. His eye detects nothing bub a fow trivial faults, which tho multitude of his virtues must easily atone for. When viewed through bhabmicroecopiclens—aneighbour's eye—howover, the whole configuration of the picture is changed ; his faults are now the most prominenb features. Very probably such a portrait is a long way ofl tho truth, but it has tho advantago of thab executed by ourselves in being quite free from flattery. It can do us no harm to have our portrait takon now and again by an impartial artist; and it may do us a greab deal of solid good. Monsiour Max Bculo, a French globo trotter, has beon doing this somowhat thankloes work for tho pooplo of marvellous Molbourne. Tho result of his labours ho wisely refrained from publishing in Australian nupors. He sent the complotod portrait homo to his beloved Paris, whore ib firsb saw tho light. Tho loading characteristics of tho Molbourno people, as given in this full-length picture, are oxprossed in a few words. ' The pooplo of Molbourno,' says Monsiour Boulo, 'aro a light and frivolous raco, nob destined for trreab things.' The impeachment is cortainly a vory hard and swooping ono, but I am hardly inclined to troat it very seriously. Coming from a son of Gaul, ib rather reminds mo of tho pot culling tho kottlo black, for in tho matter of lightness and frivolity tho French ' tako tho cako' in Europe. However, thero is a certain degroo of reason for Boulo's statomonb. A certain section of our colonial city population nro undoubtodly dovoted to tho pursuib of more Eonsuous plcasuro ; thoir idoals novor riso beyond tho gratification of purely animal desires, und thoir standard of morality is regulated by aolßsh motives. Ib was evidently that section of tho community which was ia tho Frenchman's mind when ho inditod hifl vaticinations. Cortainly if wo look to that section as tho foundation of a groab nation wo shall look in vain. Tho descondanU of tho Molbourno larrikins aro assuredly not destinod for great things, Bug as was said thousands of years ago it is "tho romnanb thab eavoth a nation." Tho small band whoaedof ires and aspirations are tixod on highor ideals than those which appeal to tho masses—these aro they who really porpotuato a raco. Without them tho raco would speedily dwindle and die intellectually, and in tho cato of races who havo attained to any hoighb of culturo intellectual death is tho precursor of death materially and =ociully. Tho hopo of Australia is not in its lowest class from which Monsieur has noon fit to draw his conclusions, but from tho highosb with whom ho evidently did not asjociato when ho aojournod bonoath tho Southern Crows. Fly tho (lag ab half-maati, reverse tho Union Jack, painb a mourning ribbon round her sides and weop. For tho roamnco and glory of tho yoa*ty wavo havo departed, and tho air is heavy with tho smoko of coal. No loncror can tho lover ' sighing liko o furnace' thrcaton hia fair ono with leaving lior and |!»ing whero tho winds make muaic. No longer can ho npoak in droad-inspiring tone of tho palo iorms of thoso drowned ab sea, and of islos whore tho surgoa roar. No; thoro is in tho preeenb day no more of danger in journeying on the ocean than in taking a threepenny 'bus j and who over hoard of ' lingoring farowolls ' and ' longing, hoping hearts' in connection with tho departure and arrival of that most prosaic of vohiclcs. Bub ib is nob tho threatening lovor alono who has hint his occupation (or at leani. a part of it) by tho dogroo of proficioncy attained in tho art of Htoaimhip building. The thrilling-cxporionco narrator has sufiorcd. Thoro was a timo—not so long ago oither—whon a traveller who had boon onco around tho world 'could como homo to his n/itivo hamlet, sottlo down, and asiumo tho position of champion liar of tho district without opposition. Ho was looked up to nnd rospoctcd by all (liko tho man undor tho tombstono), und hie opinions on foreign matters, dogmatically oxprossed, woro hawked through tho surrounding country and rotailoti on ovoryeido. Thoso woroglorious days. Bub now, if a man venturos to romanco about distant cities, bo thoy cvon in tho heart of Asia, or daros to enlarge upon tho foljago of Central Africa, tho chancos aro a hundrod to ono that a slip of a girl of 17, or a grinning, gaping schoolboy will bowl him oub in v single ovor. Most folks havo beon evoryvhoro and seen everything now-a-days, and what profitoth it a man to bo born with a lively fancy ? Thero is no oncouragemenb to travol, now. You can pick up just as good a stock of yarns in Qucen-Htreot any day, as you can on tho rollicking rolling wavo, and they sound jusb as well in tho lolling, too. • * * •#** * * • Whon I lasb week urged thab a strong public opinion should bo brought to bear upon the huH-lioliday question, 1 admit I had not in contemplation anything so robust" as the demonstration which has been made in Uunodin. Thero, it would appear, the Bhopkoope.rs nnd their assistants aro divided into two rival pnrtios, thoso who closo on Wednesday and thoso who closo on Saturday afternoons. Tho Wodnosdayitos had a picnic on thoir afternoon out und tho Saturdayito3 amusod themselves by pelting the opposition with mud and eggs, ono lady being struok in tho eyo. Anotlior hostile demonstration was got up on Saturday ovening, when the main thoroughfares wore crowdod, and overyono who passed into an opori shop was hooted and hiesod. Kpga wcro frcoly used for purposes for which thoy woro novcr intendod, and several of blie shopkeepers had to pub thoir shutters up to provont fchoirwindowsboing smashed. Tho polico wero present, in largo numbers, but nobody scotna to havo been arrested, I This sort of thing may be good for tho farmora by increasing tlio demand for oinrn. which ab prosont prices are nob worth laying, bub ib musb bo exceedingly bad for trado generally. What I advocated was tho oxerciso of a hoalthy public opinion ; now stalo eggs are decidodly unhealthy, and I hopo nothing of this kind will bo resorted to horo. But if tho contending factions feol thab nothing short of eya pellets will convince thoir opponents, I mocb earnostly beseech them aa Christians to sou that tho eggs are fresh. ♦ *■ * * * * Sending toilet soap to the naked little hoathon of the Now Hobrirlos secm3 almost as comic and absurd an idea as giving a pocket handkerchief to a littlo Maori boy, or feeding shoop with cocoanuts. I quito hold with tho benevolontprojects of thoso philanthropists of ours who sympabhise with the Kanaka in his blindness and send him pious literaturo bo mako gun-wadding of, but I hardly think thab the natives of tho Now Hebrides will tako kindly to Pear's soap. Whon a fellow is only »garbed in sunshino' ho doesn't need much uoap, nnd his washihg bill is nil. Yob I soo that tho 'Auckland Prcsbytorian Ladies' Now Hebrides Missionary Association ' fiSyW jun* csfknowlodged with thanks

the receipt of a' largo donation' of toileb soap, which they will forward post-haste to Tarina, whero tho merry New Hebridean doth daily eally forth with his Enlield riilo and take pot shots ab the man bohind the other cocoanut treo. What the natives will do with that same soap passes my comprehension. .Probably they will dispose of it in the Batne way that the ancient Maori served the soap which Captain Cook benevolently {jave him—ho ate it—and Rocroate a now gaHtronomical craving. Bub, anyhow, ib will surely nover enter the moub sanguine missionor's mind to suppose that they will use tho soap to waah themselves with ! Uncivilised man, as a rule, doesn't ruin his health with over-cleanliness. Probably the donor bad In view tho mitigation of the missionary's trying lot by imparting to the converts a more agreeable odour than usually proceeds from tho combined flavour of cocoanut oil, stale fieh and mixed dirt, which usually hangs aboub the untutorod savage ; bub I greatly fear that his confidence and his benevolence in this instance aro alike misplaced. *** * * * I think ib is the general belief of the uninitiated portion of humanity that the persons who "go down to tho sea in ships and do business on its wators " are tho very essence of guilelessnesa as regards frauds and monetary transactions. But as in every othor trade so among sailors there aro exceptions to tho rule, and a great many ab thab. Some of those 'sons of Neptune' display such an amount of inventive genius and consummate cunning as would do credib to a Yankee canvasser with a now patonb. Ib may nob bo known thab every sailor on signing articles for a voyage in v vessel is entitled and invariably receives an advance cheque for a certain sum wherewith to procuro an outfit, etc. The cheque,however, is nob payable ab the office of the agent of the ship till she has failed with Jack safely stowed on board. This procaution is found bo bo absolutely necessary, because artless Jack on numerous occasions has displayed a decided propensity to raise tho "wind " on his note and thon give the shipping a wido berth. Tho Bhopman or rnonoy-londor thus runs a considerable risk in supplying goods or advancing money on (■•'■>> of these choques. Nevertholoas, a pro:it of fifty per cent, is a temptation hard to resisb, and consequently a ship ready for sea ia generally boarded by aboub half-a-dozon holders of cheques bent upon making suro of tho departuro in her of thoir man. In connection with tho recent doparturo of a ship from thin port, one of our confiding tradesmen was sadly taken in by a very innoconb looking Beafaring man. In this caso, after tho sailor had shipped his vesssel was dotainod in port, wind bound, so allowing an opportunity that was not to be missed. Ho managed to obtain &oode for throo quarters tho value of his chequo and tbon pawnod them for halt their value. He was so exhilarated with hie success, that his next move was to gob glorioiißly drunk. This was a comparatively easy matter, and then was displayed that daring recklessness and cheek for which the drunken tar is noted. He actually proceeded down to his veeßel to obtain tho remains of his former kit, and by way of diversion probably, had a general light with thoothorinmatosof tho forecastle. After gotting cloar of tho ship again ho realised on tho balanco of his clothos, and after drinking tho proceeds wont into hiding till the wind came round to a favourable quarter. Meanwhilo, the enrorprising shopman had recognised his goods in a pawnshop, and was making futilo endeavours to uncertain tho wherenbouta of the sailor. Hois now lamenting his indiscretion in not kooping a better watch over the purcliasor. Tho last thab won Hoon of the latter goritloman by his admiring and envious Bhipraatcs was on tho end of tho wharf when tho ship was well under woigh. Ho had a new cap Btuck jauntily on tho sido of hia head, a cigar in hi a mouth, one hand in his pocket, and with tho othor ho was gently waving n forowoll to hia comrades on board. And yet I havo littlo doubb thab many worthy people will continue to ropard a sailor as tho emblom of childlike simplicity. * » • • An amusing story, which comos all tho wny from Esßon, in Rhonish Prussia, should act as a warning to young mon who bronk tho tonth commandment, even in Biif.li a soomingly trivial mattor as coveting a hair of their companions' moustaches. Two frioncb—they aro onomios now—had mot ab Romo cafe or brasserie in tho outskirts of Esaon. One was young and callow of vinago ; tho othor was al«o young, bub he was ' boardod like a pard,' and moustachioed in a similar mannor. Tho beardloss youth covotod tho hirsute appendages of his friend's upper lip, and oub of tho fulness of a hoart, warmed, no doubt, by tho generous glass, impulsively cried, ' I would irivo fifty marks* for your moustache' Tho other, knowing thab time would easily replace tlio coveted growth, cutiboffasquick as though t, laid iton tho table, and domanded the fifty marks. It was in vain that tho beardless youth protested thab ho wob in joko. Hia friond was adamant, and when poraunaion failed to elicit tho fifty piece 3of silvor ho issued a writ againßt his quondam friond. The ense camo on, and to the utter discomfiture) of tho youth who had hankered after a ' manly lip,' tho verdict was givon in favour of tho plaintiff. Tho defendant had to pay tho sum, and what was perhaps more mortifying, ho saw his friend leave the Court in all tho glory of a new pair of lnoustachicm. ••* • • • " Homo papers please copy " is an appondum to birth, m^rriauo and death notico which is to be soen daily in tho advertisomont columns of every newspaper and one which regularly arouses tho bile of tho newspaper-man, 'Tarnnaki' or 'Sydney' or ' Snn Francisco papors please copy,' is tho almost invariable postscript which proud fathers, blushing bridegrooms and sorrowing relatives tuck on to their noticos in tho ' hatched, matched and dospachod' columns of tho public prints with a blind child-like faith which would bo admirablo woro it not in a wny so oxasporating. It- is next to impossible to convince) these good poople—who are the true perßonilicntion of ' faith '—that' Homo ' papors, or any other papers, will not under any circumstances tnko the trouble to copy their trumpery littlo ails—unless of course, tho customary amount of filthy lucre be sent along with it. Do those confiding advertisers actually imagine that tho hard-worked editor or subeditor has nothing elso to do bub to wade through filos of newspapers from all parts of tho world, find snip oub their particular littlo insignificant notifications in order to insert them in a eonepicuous position, for love, in hia ' valuable paper?' It is just aa absurd as to oxpecb a tradesman to supply goods froo to thoRO who toll him straight oub that thoy don't intend to pay for thorn. Bub in spite of all ridicule and explanation, I suppose the ' Home papers please copy' comediobta will go on Hire tho brook, for ever. Faith is dofined as ' the pubsbanco of things hoped for, tho ovidonco of things nob seen." Tho average birth, marriage and death advertised is Faith personified, with a capital F.

Mrs Budd (proudly): "My daughter is self - taught." Distinguished musician : " So I divinod ab ouce, my dear madam."

The man who is awfully urbane to his wife before strangers is generally her bane behind their backa.