HUMOROUS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIII, Issue 270, 12 November 1892, Page 4 (Supplement)

HUMOROUS.

"A XioKKtm In Geography* j "Johnny, I hope you are Bttidylu|{wellii school?" (said Mr. Harlem Holgkbj to life eon. M "Oh, yes, pa." "I'd like to ask you a few questions jW to Bee how you are coming on." 3 "Yes, pa." m "Where are the Rocky mountains?" $ "In the western part of tha United States, pa." "Where is the Blue Ridge?" "I don't know." "Well, I'll teach you," and Seizing tfc(> boy by the neck the irate parent smote his oflsprinp; several times with a cane whiofc he had held concealed. "Now can you tell me where the Blufl Ridge is?" "I know," said Johnny, sobbing eni rubbing himself; "where the black &ni}, blue ridge is," whereupon the old man lej •him off, ""* r

An Unsatisfactory Purchase* i

Lord A.—Don't you think you ought*,' call me "dear?" M, Jgis American "Wife—Yes; at any price>|; She Had Forgotten. Afteyshe had made her purchases and, had informed the clerk as to the address to which thoy should be sent, she picked up her purse with her left hand and placed her parasol across her left arm, gazing the while over tiAe counter and floor as if in search of something else. "Excuse me, .tniss," ventured the clerks "but have you mislaid anything?" "I am sure I don't know," she replied} "but when I entered the store I am positive I carried something in my right hand."

"Did you not have your parasol or purse in your right hand?" "No; for I recollect very distinctly that I carried my purse in my left h?.ncl andths parasol on my left arm, as you /see them now." "It is very strange," remarked the clerk,' with a troubled expression on his face as he searched under the different pieces oil fabric strewn over the counter. "I cannot imagine what it was," she remarked musingly, as she placed a small gloved hand to her chin and gazed into space. "I am positive it was something, and I feel lost without it." "I am unable to find anything here,"1 came the muffled voice of the clerk, fronj under the counter, whither he had dropped! a few seconds before with the faint hope : of being able to find the missing he knetf not what. "Oh, I know now what it was," sheglea fully exclaimed, as a pretty flush spread! over her face, "it was this." As the clerk's head bobbed up from be* hind the counter like a Jack-in-the-box, she, with a graceful sweep of her shapely, right arm, clutched a handful of her skirl) in, i/hfi back, and jmilingly tookjier d«« partnrfo. ■. ",, „.;, ■ - I He "Wasn't Deaf. "H-a-r-r-y! Oh, H-a-r-r-y!" calLed a littlfc'* woman at the cor.ner of Woodward avenM. and a cross street just as people were go» ; ; ing home to supper. She had no bonnet oa and her voice was ikeyed up to concert Pitch. , "He doesn't seem to hear you," said a ferret nosed man who was deriving support from a hitching post. "You needn't worry," snapped the little woman. She looked across the street where two small boys in knickerbockers wereßfr ting on a carriage step in front o:E a gro> eery. r "You, H-a-r-r-y!" she cried, making 0 trumpet of her hand. Master Harry never moved. "Kind of hard of hearing, ain't he? 18 asked the man at the hitching post, solicit" ously. i She gave him a withering look. "When I want him he'll come," she sail. "H-a-r-r-y, come to supper!" ;,. The haste with which Harry tamed a double back action somersault in his hasta to obey his mother caused the man at the post to say laconically: "Vittles fetches 'em every time."—D«v A Dead Failure. He is a very absentminded man and was thinking earnestly when a light shower camtsup. "Jack," said the young woman wita him, "why don'b you put up your umbrella?" | "I have tried to," he answered, "but { couldn't get a cent on it."- ---! . ,; Complimentary. "In this picture of 'Innocence,"' said the artist, who was showing his f iiir via-' itor about the studio, "I have tried to convey, the idea that simplicity is not incompatible with dignity." "How well you have succeeded!" ex* claimed the youug Indy. Jl nera J&t anything eg—so artless!" Something He Could Not Forgive. "No," said a citizen when asked if he would contribute anything to the relief oil the flood sufferers, "I don't think I will." "Can't afford it, eh?" "It isn't that, but the last time I gave something for charity one of the papWJf spelled my name wrong."- ' . ,: A long Time. Caller at the Postoffice—What makefl our letters so late this morning, Mrs. Good" rer? -,„ Rural Postmistress—Well, you see, suv it's them plaguey postcards. They takes* long time to read for a poor woman what! ain't much of ascholartl. False Feathers. Seedy Party (contemplating himself in • pocket mirror)— Here I am wearing tha boots of a bank manager, the trousers or a. landed proprietor, a baron's coat and vestj and even a count's hat, and in spite otw. that I look like a tramp. A Doubtful. Little Victor—Mamma, my hands R«J djrfcy; shall I wash them or put on gloves! .. .. r A Compound Conundrum. This "compound conundrum" busin&SJ is spreading. There is a hotel man in New Hampshire named Gale. The other daf one of the guests sprang the following question on the company: "Why is Gale blind?" And the answer was -10. lows: "A gale is a wind; a wind £• zephyr; zephyr is yam; yarn is a »»•..,.■ a tail is an attachment; an attacto ent tf anaffejdafflU->*ffficMoiUß.Joj«kAß4MSWß ,