RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIII, Issue 168, 16 July 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

3'ilMlEfl^

Some write, a neighbour s name to Jash some write—vain thought! for needful cash, borne write to please the country clash, _•_.___ '•.-" And.raise a din, £ or me, .on aim I never fash—

I write for fun.

When we are nob very much ourselves ib is a flattering solace to be able to point to our ancestors as having been folks of some position. It is some compensation, when the wise ones of the day pass ua by withoub bestowing a glance on us, to know that they are anxiously solicitous of any facts that may tend to throw a light on, the history of our iorefathers. Perhaps it was some feeling of this kind rather than a devotion to philological or ethnological science that led such a large concourse of people to the Museum on Monday last. If it was, then certainly Professor Pond contributed to the enlightenment of those present in respect to fcheir remote ancestry. Many of us have been wof ully ignorant in this matter. Like the immortal Toby Chuzzlewit, mosb of us, I fear, if questioned as to our lineage, would, have been fain to answer ' The lord nozes.' But since we have attended such popular lectures as Professor Pond's we talk glibly oi the Indo-Europeans, vaguely refer every .change in language to bhe action of Grimm's law, and point to the plains of S-y.bhia as our ancestral home. To the work-a-day world ab large ib can mabter very little that they are descended from the Aryan stock. It will not improve their „ material condition to be informed that the "life of their remote ancestors was 'one contiguous holiday.' It is with a certain large ela*3s.of persons who, although they do not 8 entt'r .the study themselves, hang round the door for any wisdom that may emer.ge from it, that such subjects will find .favour. As I take it, ib 13 for this class, as well as for the mere specialist, that tiie lecturer at the Institute should cater. I.am very glad that of late bhere .'■ has been a.tendency to introduce subjects less speei.il in their nature into the course of lecture--' at the Museum, and I am sure that any i?uch bendency will be quickly appreciated by the public. For everyone who cares ho hear aboub the microscopic differentiation's of some new beetle or spider, there are a hundred who take a lively interesb in the discussion of socia and ethical auostions, or in a subjecb like bhab chosen by Professor Pond in his last address. '.'■:/''"_ . * * •'-,#* * * •'■-•_ . * * The thought that the fate of Pompeii or Herculaneum might some day be thab of Auckland is one bhab pemstently intrudes itself on my imagination every time I climb Mount Eden and look down on the city slumbering so confidingly ab hia feeb. Heaven granb that nothing may ever arise to shake that confidence, and pardon me if in my morbid imaginings—lately rendered more morbid by the cablegrams from Sicily —I have pictured the mountain belching forth fiery destruction, seen fche city over-r*-~-r -wht-lmed by tbe lava flopds, beheld the barren scoria fields which were all that was left of Auckland the beautiful, and wept over the desolation thereof. If I had the pen of Steele instead of merely a steel pen—the pun is so apparent as to be pardonable—l could write a second vision of -Mirza, or, rather, a series of visions, for the pictures thab rise before tne are many. They melt into each other- like Mr Snazelle's limelight views, only their light i is of a more lurid description. Bub bhey are too fearful to be put on paper, and if they were ao put, like all prophesies, they would meeb with little honour here; so I shall not ask anyone to look on some of the more awful representations which I have conjured up before my mind's eye. 1 shall take them for granted aa tbus :—Supposing Mount Eden to have broken out, supposing our cibv to have succumbed to the fateof PomDeii or Herculaneum, supposing it to be buried under lava floods twenty feet thick, supposing our place and habitation to have been wiped from the surface of the earth, supposing (the suppositions necessary for the introduction of the next sentence are nearly at an end) two thousand years to have elapsed, and supposing the savants of that period bo have commenced ■' their excavations, then what surprises, what perplexities, what disappointments ■ ■ would fall to their lob in the course of their explorations ! The archeeologista of that happy period, when ib may be .reasonH* ably expected that crime shall be no PP more, will find much to puzzle their & brains in a certain edifice that rears its E wall at the base of the mounP? tain. I'can fancy how they will speculate on the uses of these tiny apartments with their lock-faßt doors, how they will ponder over the cranial development of the inmates and their simple but picturesque attire, or how they will, with scientific eyes, examine the tools and the iron bracelets thab lie scattered about. Aa they pierce further into the city tbey will certainly be at a losb to discover a reason ' *y for the innumerable palatial edifices that occiipy the corners of every street. Why, they will ask, is there but one room in these buildings occupied, and why ia it invariably filled with vessels containing liquids ? Why, they will demand, are the thresholds of these places more worn than those of the other houses and tbeir tills more heavily crammed with coin ? But from the recesses of these deserted sbnnes of Bacchus echo will answer 'Why?' The time would fail me to enumerate fche many, many things of fche 19bh century colonial civilisation which would give occasion for strange surmises. What could bhey make of the archives at the Official Assignee's Office, for example? What texts for the preachers of the day would not bheir contents, afford ? What they would think of us individually and as a whole are interesting but profitless questions as far as an answer to them is con- * cerned. ,

If there were no higher reason, the circumstance that we ourselves occupy a somewhat analogous position to the Sicilian peasantry on the slopes of Etna, should excite our sympathy for them in their fiery trials. The ancient poets supposed that Vulcan's smithy was situated under that particular mountain, and, as far as their knowledge extended, it was the mosb likely place for it in tbeir day, when Vesuvius had not displayed tbe irritability which has characterised him for the last eighteen hundred years. Nowadays, however, ib would be difficult to locate the chief forge of Vulcan's workshop, for he has them scattered all oyer,the globe.: Perhaps, in no one place has he such a, congregation of them as in ..-our;North. Island., From Mount Eden aleneypu can see, 'they itell^na-^ a score of them.-. Happily, bhey are quiet/ bub that they, Bre* extinct at present is no. assurance that tbey will hot be lighted again. Probably, bbc thunderbolt industry .in the infernal regions is subject to fluctuations like bhe iron trase on earth, and Vulcan, from pure econ^'iay, has shut down Some of his forges. Totally ignorant as we

are of the balance of trade in the lower realms, we are unable to predict how soon some of the New Zealand of the business may be.re-opened. The facb thab fchey have been so long closed is nobhing on which to base our hopes of their never being in full blast again. The Maoris knew Tarawera for 500 years and had alwaya found him a peaceful fellow till he suddenly broke out on that memorable nighb. The inhabitants of Campania had no reason to complain of the conduct of Vesuvius, and in the course of some 2,000 years perhaps the acquaintanceship between them had ripened into a close friendship. The Campanian peasant planted his vines or his orchard on the mountain's sunny elopes, and the Campanian citizens builb their cities under his shelter, and "all wenb merry as a marriage bell " until in the 79th year of our era the Bleeping giant aroused himself and poured forbh the vials of his wrath on vineyard and orchard, village and city.

<f A ratherfunny incident occurred onenight recently bo a member of bhe fourbh estate. He had been detailed to report a tea meeting at one of the numerous Bethels in this fair city. He was nob quite positive as fco the locality of the church, but having gob near where he thought ib was sibuated.jthe reporber's attention was drawn to a number of people who were crowding into a meeting-house. He at once decided thab was the church he was looking for and sbraighbway essayed bo enter the building. At the doorway his progress was stayed by a man with a severely religious aspect who asked hie business. This was soon explained, whereupon he waa informed that he had arrived at the wrong Bethel. , The reporter thinking that another par might be obtained, asked for particulars of the meebing. The reply was decisive. Said the door-keeper : ' This meeting is for Chrisbians ; you cannot go in.' Of course thab settled the reporter and he promptly lefb. I suppose bhe possibility never occurred bo the good man ab bhe door bhab by some wonderful manifestation of mercy even a reporter might be converted and take rank as a Christian.

This reminds me of anofcher peculiar thing that happened at the same meetinghouse. There was a young man who had been duly admitted as a member of a church, bub who felb an inclinabion bo visib the various religious bodies in fche city. In the course of his peregrinations ib chanced one Sunday bhab ho arrived ab this parbicular meeting-house. He eat wibh fche worshippers and book part in the service. Presently the collection plate—thab one insbibubion which is honoured by all creeds — was passed round. When it reached the visitor he placed his donation with the others. You may judge of hia surprise when the gentleman who, like Judas, carried the bag, quietly returned him the coin with the remark, 'We never take money from theworld.' Itwould appear that these favoured people, forgetful of the words •Judge not, that ye be not judged,' arrogate to themselves the right to say who are and who are nob Chrisbians. Now-a-days this is considered a very difficult problem bo solve, because so many professing Christians are no bebter bhan men of bhe world, and so many men of bhe world are infinibely superior to the average professor.'

While on this subject, I would like once more to reverb to the itinerant soul-savers who so frequently visib bhis ciby. Thab ab times they do good I think none will deny, bub there is one feature aboub some of them which ia certainly nob pleasing. I refer to the facb that they occasionally devote a portion of tbeir addresses to slandering our ministers. Very recently an instance of this kind occurred; our residenb parsons were "denounced aB unfaithful shepherds and unsaved hypocrites. Nay, lam informed bhat even stronger terms were used. Now, Ido nob seb up as a defender of bhe clergy, bub I do say thab men who make bheir home with us and labour in our midsb, whose lives are subject to our constant iscrutiny, are surely more worthy of respect bhan a kind of vagabond species of parson who, as ib were, pirabe for souls in the preserves of others, and who add insulb to injury by villifying the characters of men who are infinitely better probably than bheir traducers.

The gentleman who explains things in general to an unenlightened audience at a limelight exhibition needs to be very careful of his interesting little facts anenb places and people, or he is very likely to be now and then unexpectedly 'brippedup,' as the saying is. A rather comical blunder was made by the lecturer at Mr Snazelle's entertainment in the City Hall the other evening. A view of the famous Eiffel Tower, of Paris, was shown on the illuminated screen. ' Here, ladies and gentlemen,' began the orator, in his most impressive tone, ' is the celebrated E iffel To wah, the greatest erection in the world, over ten thousand feeb high, and not finished yet.' Then there was a solemn pause, to leb bhe gaping audience grasp the full meaning of bhe sbatemenb, and bo allow bhem still anobher look ab thab wonderful tower. Bub bhe gifted lecturer did not finish his explanation. A boaree stage whisper — perhaps it wasn't Mr Snazelle's —from the wing was heard :—' You fool! one thousand feet high, nob ten thousand!' The audience needed no further explanation. They heard bhe voice, and bhe snigger bhab wenb round bhe house will be remembered by bhe lecturer for some bime to come. Anobher rather funny mistake was made another evening at the same enbertainment In showing a view of Newstead Abbey, the lecturer exhibited the identical bedroom and bed in which the poeb Byron died. Apparenbly, the lecture man did not remember tbat Byron died in the role of a Greek patriot at Missiloughi. But ib didn't matter much anyhow.

The excitement over the recent candle competition has gone down like the brief flame that kindled it. If I were anxious to arouse it again—which I am nob—l would suggesb bhab bhe communiby Bhould employ bheir faculties in calculating the yards of lead pencil, the quarts of ink, and the acres of good paper, not to speak of the brain (?) power, which has been wasted on the defunct luminary. Beqmescat in pace. Had bhe sage of Chelsea lived in Aucklandab bhis momenb, no doubb Dalton s candle would, like the perambulating hat in the Strand, have furnished bim with a text on which bo vent his fiery eloquence. On bhe happy individual or individuals.who have drawn bhe prize, Carlyle's eloquence would be wasted. Wibh a calm sense of superioriby bhese favourites of the gods can walk the public pavements clad in Dalbon s besb, bhe admired of all. admirers, the three among sixteen thousand. Who shall say them nay ? Did they not, either by sheer force of intellect, or led by the guiding finger of fortune, carry off in fair field the suit of armour—we n_-aan clothes ? And shall tbey not wear them, and whero they will' Assuredly they shall! But leb bhem nob be too proud of their success. Let them remember tbat it is just when man has reached the summit of earthly prospenty bhab bbc jealousy of the gods is awakened. Let them bear in mind the fate of Polycrates.

«. * * * * * * * * Perhaps ib is to be regretted that our enterprising townsman did not adopt a different method of rewarding the successful guesser. To a modeßt youth or maiden the very nature of the prize, and the fact thab ib could nob be made use of withoub bringing the winner into the fierce light of notoriety, would deter them from attempting to gain it. One might jusb as well acb

--.*-*:- . .; . • ... the part of a lay figure, and stand in a shop front with insipid smile and angular attitude, and eye in which was no speculation, to display the fashionable cut of the tailor within, as walk the streeb a perambulating advertisement To be known by the company one keeps, if it happens bo be bad, is an unenviable distinction, bub to be known only by the clothes one wears, even if these should be superfine, is even leßs flattering to one personality. Perhaps I may be suspected of having been an unsuccessful aspirant after bhe coab and its continuations if I suggesb that the besb thing, in my opinion, for the owners of these articles, is to get rid of them aB quickly aa posaible. Perhaps it may be thought that I myself am in wanb ot a new suit, and hope to pick up the prize at a reduced rate, but such is not the case. Were the articles mine, I could dispose of them to a friend. I know no one more deserving of my charity than a certain uncle who has stood by me on various critical occasions.

There are men who never grow old, who beneath a bent aged body keep hearts as fresh and green as thab of a young^child. Such a one is New Zealand's (_ rand Old Man. While Sir George was lunching in Canning's bhe obher day, a young mobher entered with a baby in her arms and a tiny girl hanging to her dress. The old knighb rose from his seat, and crossed the room to shake hands and talk with the lady, who was evidently an acquaintance, and he proceeded to stroke the child's curls and make diverting faces to Master Baby, who crowed delightedly and clenched his tiny fists in the weather-beaten face thab smiles upon all children for bbc sake of the libtle stranger who was lefb beneath an Ausbralian sod over fifty years ago. Who can wonder at bhe popularity of a man whose heart so overflows wibh sympathy for his fellow creatures ?

Those good people of Auckland whose daily occupation or occasional duty bring them bo bhe vicinity of the Queensbreeb Wharf, are of ben accosbed in the region of their olfactory nerves by an odour, cerbainly nob of a kind usually wribben aboub in the fairy tales relating to the land of Araby the Blest,, or of bhe epice-laden islands which dot bhe Eastern seas, bub is rather of a nature which causes any participant, obher than the most case, or rather nose - hardened, to beat a precipitate rebreab bo more congenial localities, very often under bhe impression bhab bhe penb-up microbes of cholera or small-pox have been leb loose from some vessel labely arrived from foreign porbs. On a clear fine day, such as we often experience in this pleasant city, when every one nob otherwise occupied likes bo* stroll on the wharves and enjoy the gentle sea breezes and indulge in romantic thoughts or fairy dreams, the unwary stroller is often pulled up with a terrific jerk, and his thoughts or dreams lowered abruptly to ' cuss' words — when some zephyr from the wesb, stirring up tbe silt ab low water, becomes permeated by an odour that is anything but sweet. At times when there is a hard blow from thab direction the air of the locality becomes simply unbearable, and I am afraid that if something .b not done bo abate the nuisance we shall have the vessels outward-bound from this much-praised port of ours placed in quarantine to receive fumigation ab bhe hands of foreign bealbh authorities. This is nob bhe firsb bime I have bouched on this subject, bub if my remarks may appear sbale, all I can say. in extenuation is bhab bhe subject of them is much, very much staler.

We often hear a good deal aboub deeds of lawlessness and other little bhings of a like nature which have baken place from bime bo time in America, bub bhe instinct of respecb for law is usually too strong in British communities for anyone bo emulate such exploits. The roughs of bhe Soubh-easbern Hemisphere consider that the game is nob worth the candle, or to be more explicib, that the condign punishment awarded to the perpetrators of any pranks of a nature calculated to disturb the public peace and safety far over-balances ehe sport and enjoymenb likely to accrue from such diversions. An evidence, however, thab the feelings of some miners have overcome their better judgment is lately to hand from the Broken Hill silver mines of New South Wales, where ab presenb bhere is brouble on bebween the miners and proprietors. The message states bhab a notice had been posted up in a conspicuous part of the town by the discontented and pugnacious miners warning two wellknown mine managers, who had been doing something not agreeable or appreciated by their workmen, to quit the town within two hourß, and threatening all sorts of terrible treatmenb if bheir requesb was nob complied wibh. This is quite a new deparbure for Ausbralia, bub happily one nob likely bo find favour with the average labourer. Ib would seem as though the frothy utterances on the paper were only froth, as no urgent cables are yet to hand announcing that any catastrophe had befallen those two managers who in their temerity stayed behind in defiance of a request couched in such blood-curdling terms. ■ * * * * * * * * * It is the fashion nowadays tolgrowl at business hardships and monetary- difficulties and talk regretfully of the good old times enjoyed by the fortunate settlers ot the early days. • Zamiel' longs for spiritualistic accomplishment that he mighb transporb a few of such malconbents back to thirty and forty and fifty years ago. He could show them scenes thab would very quickly convince them that the early sebblers had struggles that were quite as severe as any which presenb-day culbivabors of the soil have to encounter. In many cases, after years of toil and hardship, battling patiently with a stubborn, unfruitful soil, which in the end yielded perhaps enough co buy a' new pick ; after hopes had been raised and blighted and raised and blighted again, the result has been the loss of hundreds of pounds and life's best years. As I write an instance of this kind is vividly recalled to my mind, where a family of good connections and social standing, in the Old Country bought up several hundreds of acres, expended I should nob like bo say how much £ s d upon ib, and settled down, convinced that only diligence, industry and foresight were requisite to make the bright gold come rolling in. The old, old story. After hope deferred bill bhe heart was sick the poorness of the land chosen, inexperience and incapacity for rough bush life, evenbually sebbled the ques-; bion. Farming would nob pay,. bhe money was all gone, the wife and children had to be fed and clothed somehow, so bhe husband and fabher stifled all personal feelings of pride, and went out like a man to do a common labourer's work for the precious money thab would supporb his dear ones. While employed in breaking up a precipibous quarry, he met wibh an accident which disabled him from furbher manual labour, and black starvation once more stared the distressed family in the face. Then the mother came to the front as women do in dire emergency, and parting from her husband and-libble ones, resolubely endured the drudgery of a teacher's life in a distant native school. Ib is such faebs as bhese {and the case quoted is only one in hundreds) thab give the lie to the ofb-heard assertions regarding the halycon bliss of the early days. We may growl ab our own time as much

and as often as we like, bub leb us nob extol the easy, happy lives of the early settlers, lest the spirits of those who succumbed in the fierce fight for existence rise from the grave to contradict us.