TABLE TALK.

Auckland Star, Volume XIX, Issue 157, 4 July 1888, Page 1

TABLE TALK.

Anniversary of American Independence, * Out on the first—bill collectors. A horse was killed on a railway crossing near Cambridge on Monday. Lord Dufferin describes himself as the oldest Viceroy that ever ruled India. The turning-point in every maiden's life is the interrogation point. "Mr Perkins of New Jersey" is continued on page seven to-night. Seasonable Toast: — "The American Eagle—may she spread her wings till she splits herself!" Five hundred of the 700 women in ; Wandsworth Workhouse, London, havo been drunkards. , The good people of Te Awamutu hold a meeting on Thursday to consider the necessity of further Government retrenchment. £15 have been raised by two entertainments at Te Aroha for St, Mark's organ ; fund. : The Hon. Mr Oliver returned from Syd- j ney to Wellington in the steamer Wakatipu yesterday afternoon. For the DunedinPlumpton coursingmeeting there are 55 nominators for All-aged Stakes, and 53 for the St, Leger. Mrs Joshua Robinson, a settler of 48 years' standing, died here on Friday last and was interred on Monday at Pukekohe. You can't always judge the size of a man's bank account by the artistic beauty of the picture on the outside of his office safe. "The letter 'o' is very much like a horse," remarked the Judge. "In what way?" asked the Mayor. "Gee makes it go." A Ponsonby man has been on the jury twenty-eight times, and he says it is just awful how the other eleven men hung out against him in every verdict. Blankets took their name from one Thomas Blanquet, or Blonquet, who established the j first manufactory for this comfortable ! article at Bristol about the year 1340. According to the English code, men | should never wear anything pretty. It is j very bad form. This explains the style of j face worn by the male sex over there. Woman (Who has given something to j eat to a tramp): You have a very awkward I way of eating, man. Tramp: Yes, ] ma'am; I guess it's cause I'm out of prac- ! tice. There is a great deal of what billiardists i call " side" in the conduct of the Napier-! street School. When a child wants a drink ' he rises and says to the school mann, " Madame, I thirst." The Sydney coal syndicate mean business with respect to the Ngakawau coal leases, near Westport. They have paid down a ; deposit, and have agreed to pay £5,000. cash and £5,000 in share, for the areas. The Dunedin Licensing Bench and married women to whom tbey have granted licenses are to be asked by a writ of certiorari to show cause why the certificates should not be quashed. At Barnum's recently the leopard began teasing the elephant. The elephant bore it in majestic silence until the thing ceased to be amusing. Then he growled, "Hush, child, or I'll knock the spots off you !" 'For hiccough hold the breath,": writes a gentleman who pretends to know what to do when other people don't. Will the gen- j tleman please tell us how to let go of the hiccough long enough to get a firm grip on' the breath ? . "Come ashore, Mick," says Pai^who has; been a fortnight in Now York, to a friend ;■ who has. just arrived. "Come ashore, Mick, and help me to celebrate the day in i which we won our independence." Fair-haired women are at a slight discount in the matrimonial market. Statistics would seem to show that brunettes arej more successful in obtaining husbands in j the proportion of about three to two. At the Dunedin Supreme Court, in the , case of James Hooper, charged with i feloniously wounding, with intent to kill; Thomas Black, the jury, after being locked j up two hours, returned a verdict of not; guilty of felony, but guilty of wounding. There are days of retrenchment, but we j are letting our hair grow. If we visit! the barber it will cost us sixpence, if we let; it grow we can make a bob. We here rise j to explain to the unsophisticated new-chum! that the word "bob " is chignonimous with j "shilling."