Some Things One Would Rather Have left Unsaid.

Auckland Star, Volume XVIII, Issue 125, 28 May 1887, Page 1 (Supplement)

Some Things One Would Rather Have left Unsaid.

The " I will" in the marriage service.

Will you marry me ?

Lady (to friend calling): "You won't mind me going on with my workwhilst you are here, then I shan't feel that I am wasting time."

A church warden was courteously thanking a Church dignitary for kindly taking, on emergency, a village service. _" A worse preacher would have done us, sir," he said, " if we only knew where to find him." At a soiree. The Colonel: "Will you sing again, Miss Johnson ?" Miss Johnson : '• No, for the third time ; do you think indecision is one of my failings?" The Colonel (gallantly): " Indeed, Miss Johnson, I should have been greatly disappointed if you had said ' yes.'"

Eminent tragedian (to new acquaintance) : " May I send your daughter a box for the -first night of my revival, Mr Brown ? But perhaps you've seen it, and would not care yourself to—" Mr Brown: "Oh, don't mention it, pray—so good of you. I can put up with anything to give my daughter pleasure."

Tom: "I Bay, Dick, old man, with so much idle time on your hands, why don't you go in for the hundred guineas word competition prize? Any fool with leisure and a Nuttall can do it. Just the thing for you." Dramatic author (to a friendly critic): " Oh, Jones, I wish you would let me read this scene to you, because if it is clear to you I I think everybody will understand it;"

Scene: A fancy dress ball. Evangeline' (to-Lady. Dash): " Oh, how do you do, Lady Dash ?, Yon look so nice I hardly recognised you." Hostess floq.J: "Mr Green, though I never had the pleasure of hearing you sing, I am told you would favour us with ' 0 Ruddier than the Cherry ! 0, Sweeter than the Berry 1' Pray do ; Iso love to hear a good baritone roll out those delicious It's." He: " Weadily !" (and he does, singing it thus : "O, VVuddia than the Che-wy 1 0, Sweetaw than the Be-wy 1" Old lady, friend of family, congratulating daughter of the house on her engagement: " I'm very much interested about it, dear. You see, I've known you all your life ; I remember the day you were born. It's a very long time ago I" Member of a city firm (to whom a testimonial has been presented by the staff on retiring from business) to manager: "I am much obliged to you all for your very handsome present, which I highly appreciate." Manager: " Pray don't mention it, sir. We are much obliged to you for the opportunity of making it. Aftor a sumptuous repast. American host (fishing for a little praise): " I am afraid you've not had much of a dinner, sir ; but it's all owin' to the kitchen fixin's," English guest: " Pray don't mention it, my dear sir. As you know, I'm used to roughing it a bit." Professor of many "ologies": "There are so many literary impostors about who disseminate spurious theories-" Enthusiastic listener (interrupting): " Ah, yes ; you must be an undoubted authority."

Scene: An afternoon dance). Vav. : " I'm afraid I must be going. I have to dine somewhere ab seven. Hostess: " Well, you will have to be quick." Vav.: " Yes, I havn'b any more bime to waste." A gentleman having been recently introduced to two sisters, the husband of one of whom had recenbly died, and bhe husband of the obher had gone to India, was talking to bhe former, when she remarked that it waa very hot. He, mistaking. her for her sister, said, " It is ; but its nothing like the place your husband has gone,to !" "I have asked to dine with me. Will you come? He-s-a perfecb fool j but I'm sure you'll get on with him." A gentleman deeply, enamoured ot a young lady was walking with her, when a Sadden shivering - -attacked her. _ '_ __£he "gentletflan anxiously inquired was she,, ill. "No,"she replied; "it'ssomebodyjwa-i-lng, over;my grave." "Ah !" $aid the gentleman lovingly,/" Would to Heaven JL was that happy creature !" ,