Humorous.

Auckland Star, Volume XVII, Issue 205, 1 September 1886, Page 4

Humorous.

Played out—lawn tennis.

A lie out of wholo cloth is apt to be better than a patched-up story. A counter irritant—the lady who pricea everything aud buys nothing. No great man ever yet died but dozens were at work to begin where he left off. even before he waa buried.

<.i_ world ,s fuil of disappointment*. Mamma, cried a five jear-old girl, "I started to make my doll a bonnet, and it'e come out v pair of pauts." "Arc cigarettes injurious ?'' demands an excited exchange. As the cigarette is fast wiping out the dude population, we are in* cliued to believe that they are not. A grindstone, says an agricultural' contemporary, is one of the worst used implements on the farm, And by the poweis! the other is the boy who has to turn the thing. . The church is sometimes so crowded that the people on tho rear eeats can't reach the mourners'?bench, but the deacon never failo to worm his way through with the contribution box.

Dr. Dio Lo\vi.=, who died recently in America, waa the author, among other books, of " Weak Lungs, and How to make Thorn Strong," and "Chats with Young Women." After mastering the principles of the first work, it may not be* imprudent to go on tj the practice of the second. • , •• 7

Little Willie prayed long and ineffectually for a little brother; At last he gave"it iip as "no use." Soon after his mother had the pleasure of showing him twin babies. Ho looked at them a moment and then exclaimed : "How lucky it was that I stopped praying! There might have beni threo I —

It was remarked at the opora ono nicht last week, ' Wh.ta lot of married people to c are here to-night." "How can you tell thoy are married V was the query. "Don't you see? was the answer. 1 ' ;"X'he men don . do any talking, and thore's hardly a'corsag. biuquet among the women." "Desirable !' suxon passenger (on Highland coach) "Ot course, you're well toquaiiued with tho country round about here. Do you know ' Ulen Acoron?'" Oliver-" Aye, weel." Saxon passenger (who hasiujt bought the estate)—" What sort of a placo is it ?" Driver -" Weel, if ye saw the dcil tethered on't ye'd iust say, 'Purr brute!'" t - - .

A friend tells a story of one Mr R,, who delighted in the false claim that/ho has* on terma with all tho famous mp'mhers of Hia literati. Que evouing, at a sp,cial gather; l Pg> a young lady engaged Mr it. in colvbj:sation about books tni authors. "Did you know George Sand ?" the your.g lady asked. " Know George Sand ? Shouldsay 1 did. We used to room together."