THE WIDGERY AT BREAK FAST.

Auckland Star, Volume XVII, Issue 202, 28 August 1886, Page 3

THE WIDGERY AT BREAK FAST.

Australian Crickotors,

"Urn '." observed Widgery, reflectively conning tho athletic department of the newspaper. "No mistake about fhe cricket season having set in I'1

" Wot tho least," assented Mrs W., giving tho coffeepot a vigorous shako by way of emphasis. " We're overrun with the nasty noisy things; and if it wasn't said to be unlucky to kill them, I'd—"

" My love," interrupted Widgery, quietly helping himself to the bit of bacon his wife bad secretly resolved to annex for her own solo use and benofit, "I'm afraid you mistake my meaning. I referred to the manly field sport, not to the etomologicril disturbers of your poaco in the netber regions. The Australian crickotors eeem to bo having a busy timo of it -thsy'ro pitching their wickots all over tho place,"

" Boally ! What a mess thoy must make ! I nover could bear the smell of pitch."

"I moan, love, that they are playing matches everywhere—going about the com'-.ry for innings " " Outings, I suppDso you mean," interposed Mrs W., superciliously. "Of course, po iplo always h_vo thoir outings in tho country nt holiday time, and "

"No, no, dear; Innings I said, and inning" I moan," emphatically responded her spouse, making hnvee with the anchovy pasto. "By the way," ho continued, spoiking with his mouth full, "the Aus tia'.ians bogan badly this year Beaten first at Sheffield Park, and then at the Oval by ths Surroy team " "How dreadfully ungenerous!" indignantly chimed in Mrs W. "Surely they couldn't have beon English to beat strangers in a strange land ' "Nonscnso, dear ! I'm talking about tho way wo boat thorn at cricket ; not with fists. Urn—let's see, how was it with the Surroy players ? Ob, here it ia. The Australians began the attack, and aftor several cut I " "Oh, thoy couldn't havo boen friends, then." " Indeed thoy woro." " What ! And they cut oach othor without quarroling or anything ? Well I never !" " lt'sa technical phrase, pot. Woll, three maidens succooded, and thou thore waß a separation " " I understand. Aftor the separation tho] poor things brought actions for breach of promise of mnrriago, and were successful in their suits. And quite right, too. Such cases should always be decidodlike that, if I had my way." " You don't quite grasp the right end of tho stick, my pot. A maiden at cricket is "

"Ob, but I did't know thoy played at cricket ! I'm sure no girls who respect thomselvos would be such hoydens as that!"

"No, no, darling. A maiden at cricket means whero thoro'a nothing bowled "

" How can you have the faco to sit there and tell me there's nothing bold about tho brazen huseios who play games of romps with a lot of men ?''

"But, my dear," distractedly cried Mr W., " if you'll only liston a moment, you'll find v's another technical phrase. They're not real maidens, you know —not girls, I moan "

~Oh, not real girls ! I sco—they're like Madame Tussand 8 "

"Ahem ! Ono of the Australians got a duck's egg " " He wouldn't havo had it it I'd beon getting his luncheon for him. Ducks' eggs aro novor so nice as now-laid hens' "

" No, no, dear ; it's another technical term. Woll, then it was 'no balls' for a time and

" Woll, I never ! We do have funny weathor sometimes, don't wo ? Just fancy snowballs in summor-time. Did you ever ?'

" Not snow balls, pet, but no balls. Well, then the Antipodeans were stumped ".

" What ! Were they playing for monoy all the time, then ? It is really dreadful." " No, no, sweet ; it is " " Oh, yes, I see ; it was through the expenses being so great. Well, I'm sure I'm never surprißod at hearing of anybody be ing stumped nowadays. Tho charges are everywhere Bimply fright " " I'm confining myself to cricket, sweetest. Urn ! After a few runs the Surrey players bowled " " La, did thoy really ? How funny they must have looked ! I suppose the roason why they bowled waa because the running waan't fast onough ?"

" Bowled their antagohisls, my love," continued Widgory, completing the sentence, " who then delivered a long ball."

" A long ball!" ropeatod Mra W. " Why, I thought all balls wore obliged to be rounl ?"

"So they aro, poppet. A long ball is ono that's batted to a great distance. This was the cause of a fine piece of fielding being played." " Oh, then, that was the reason why Sophia was produced at the Vaudeville. Woll, I'm sure I ehould nevor havo thought it."

" What do you mean, my dear ?" "Well, anyway, that's the only piece of Fielding's that's being played now, isn't it?"

"Urn ! Tho Players commenced the match in a downpour of rain, and their stumps were drawn they " "Poor things, I suppose the wet made them ache. It's always best to have stumps drawn when they're like that." With a half-dazed look upon his face Widgery mechanically arose from tho table, donned his boots and hat, sorrowfully ki?sed the partner of his joys, and with a deep sigh and a sad smile, aB if fondly reflecting on the '.' might-have-been," he trod heavily upon the cat's tail, and wandered slowly forth into the outer air.—"Funny Folks."