RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXVI, Issue 5477, 7 February 1885, Page 4

RANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamiel.]

Seine write, a nelKhbour's name to ln»h. Some wrlto-yain thoughtV-for i...-,11 >! cash Some write to P'oasetho ejgjl^1,1)I*'1 *' Korme.waimlnoverfa^^1

•' Op old sat Freedom on the heights"—an

exiltedand windy location, but ono which doubtless agreed with tho eoddess aforesaid, who has rather a liking for liberty in Oil things. To-day, if Freedom does not git on the height?, Frcethought does, and 'nclines to make tho location even windier than before. Our local Rationalists and •'lending Frcotiiinkcrs " on Monday last celobrnted the Paino anniversary, and to ilustrato, I supposo,

"How hard It is to climb Tho Btoop whore Fume's proud temple shlnoa afar,"

t loy made a painful pilgrimage to tho top o: Mount Eden, whore "by tho glimmerng moonbeams' misty light" they oratoil nod gushed over thoir idol to their hearts' oantont. It was a novel idea, and I hope tho 200 ladies anil gontlomon who made tin; u<c«nt enjoyed tho senmtion. "Zniniol was not tlioro on that occasion ; but ho has been on tho top of Mount Kdou (a thing which many Aueklandors, to thoir shame, Cinnot say); and he fancies that curious remotions might occur to the apostles of Freedom anil Reason as from thoir vantage ground of liberty they looked dawn on that sid spot, outside tho gnrdou of blissMount Eden Gaol. Did they not in fancy hoar tho sighs and groans of those " spirits in prison ""who languish in bonds so near tho lovoly mountain ? Did not fchoy reflect that many of tho inmntos of that purgatory on tho borders of Eden were ardent lovers of liberty—that they loved, not wisely, but tio well, freedom of thought and freedom of action, and that their notions of freedom having clashed with those of tho majority, the ond was that they were cooped up like sn many wild beasts in a menagerie J Tis a thought which has frequently occurred to mo as I stood upon tho heights of Eden— tuat it is sad to see Freedom deposed from her place on tho mountain top, and hold in vile dungeons in tho valley below ! Now that the goddess of lleason has been installed in high pi ices, may wo look for a hotter order of things ? I fear not. Tho local Freothinkcrs enthroned on Mount Eden may be taken to typify Frecthovight installed in power in tho •.iovornment of tho colony ; but neither politically, socially.nor morally can Frocthought ever bo a great regenerative power. In the field of critical rjsearch it may do good service, and as an iconoclast its valnsis of tho highest: but so far 89 constructive work is concerned the apostlea of Reason Imvo not got, nnd probably never will got, further than observing "times and seasons " in tho old narrow H:yle of certain church people, quibbling ovor trifles ot interpretation liko a Dryasdust parson, or "lighting for dead men's bones " liko tho veriest ghouls.

Regarding the lato scandalous scone at the burial of poor Holmes, lot mo say at once that it was creditable to nouo of tho parties concerned in it. I don't alludo to t'io "priestly arrogance" or Rationalistic itnpudeneo displayed, but feel inclined to tike a broador stand. To my mind, it bo-t'-ays a morbid condition when pooplo me 89 punctilious regarding tho particular rites to be observed over .1 dead body. Orthodox or Kationalbt—Spiritualist or Materialist—it surely matters little what wordi aro uttered, or by whom, over tho lirelws clay. If man is all material, it is quite immaterial whether hia remains arc «jramittfid to tho grave "in the hope of a glorious resurrection" or laid down to o^iniil sleep. If, on the othor hand, " there is a spirit in man," that spirit lifts gone to its proper nbodo when tho casket is Ci-tolf. and rites and coromonios over the caat-off shell seem mere unmeaning forms, .da one unassociated with any religious or irreligious sect, Holmea'a body might very well have been interred quietly and docently without any further ceremony (and who o^uld wish fjr a better ono?) than the dropping of a f3W tears over tho gravo by sincere and Borrowing friends. By tho adoption of 11 burial ritual, and by tho imitation of "priestly arrogance " and narrow- mindednosa in their mothods, tho Auckland Rationalists have once more prored that they are far from attaining to true freedom of tfaaught and real discrimination of what are tho essentials of rational action. Liberal lawgivers havo secularised marriage, and surely, instoad of getting up a nw and useless burial ceremony, Freetbinkors would do good service if they tried tj educate popular seutimeni up to the secularising of interments. Tho abiect ignorance of some people in tho litter respect was illustrated oomo years ago in the North of England. A poor labourer had accidentally fallen into a blast furnaco, with the result that his body was almost immediately roisolved into its constituent gases, the little residuum of ash forming part of tho iron being made. Tho case was shocking, no doubt, but it received an added honor fr >ra tho fact that the friends of do«eased insisted upon his having "Christian burial," and obtained a semblance cl it by getting the priest to recite the Bervicc £0," tho dead vsver the flaming furnace !

Speaking of morbid sentiment regarding the dead, I havo lately been forcibly struck by a curious exhibition of it on tho part of our Australian neighbours. Tho "Cornstalks " are eminently senGible in many matters, but in respect to veneration for the dead they go to extremes of foliy which seem to me most lamentable. The Sydney and Melbourne people, in recording tho death of friends in the papers, generally add same tribute to thß deceased, which is always sentimental, and frequently poetically expressed. Not only so, but they insert flfn Memortam" notices of doi£k on tho anniversary of the sad day for ten or a dozen years after the event. This is carrying things too far. "Faithful unto death" is a noble sentiment, bnt faithful a dozen years after it, when there are active duties to the living being neglected, is the very extreme of unhealthy devotion. At first I felt inclined to attribute this excess of obituary effusiveness as much to an,overplus of cash an to an excess of misdirected affection ; but on reflection, it occurs to mo ie may be an economical device, and by repeating the record of death and recapitulating the virtues of deceased, the mourners may save the expense of a tombstone. If the latter be tlw case, I have no objection to make, for of all tho foolish and wasteful expenditure on this earth that on costly ■orara-stones and lying inscriptions is about Tithe most, -vicious and wicked (Sisfc I know of.

2 was sotticswhat surprised to find that <•. • rsEpectable journal like the Melbourne " Age " allows its obituary column to be defaced by wretched " poetical " effusions, eaunoiating rather .queer theological opinions. Looking over several recent issues, I find the following couplet of very frequeut occurrence. Ood takoa the good—too stood on earth to stajr. And loaves tie bad—too Wd to take a way. I find this applied indiscriminately to the dear departed — from a child of a few months old to the ancient of days. The teaching here is peculiar, and moro Pagan tliart Christian. "Whom tho gods love die voiing," said the ancients, but accord--1 ne to this couplat tho bad iievor die—a gantiment in direct contradiction to that of . the Psalmist, which declaresi that the wiclced are cut off before they see tho half of their' days, while tho righteous are rewarded •with long life. A memorial notice of a lady has this appendix :— 'Tls one year today Since our dear mother passed away. Our loss has been her gain; ■\Vo would not wish her back again. Gono but not forgotten. That beautiful lino which saye "wo would not wish her bsck again " suggests that tho verse was corcposed by her son-in-law; while tho words " gono but not' forgotten," have that ambiguous ring which makes them appropriate aliko to those who think of the departed with swoot or bitter thoughts. Thero are many more specimens that I might give, all in tho most admired doggerel, and to any person of taste utterly shocking; but lot one moro quotation aaffice. After a momorial notice I find this :— One year has) passed away ■ Since my dear husband wai culled away; Tho thought still lingers round ray heart Twaa bard for mo from him to part. — Ball&rat and homo papers please copy. The " poetry " is so framed that it can be "' altered to suit any number of years, until the widow has made a fresh conquest, or until she has gose to join the departed;

and the simple faith with which " Ballamt and Homo papers" arc requested to copy tho effusion on each occasion of its appearance forms not the least .-i-lfocting part of the announcement. Seriously speaking, these notice?, even in the column set apart for them, and without note or comment, read liko travesties of naturul affection, and betray a low tasto op tho part of tho neighbouring communities. They are not much above certain grim but fictitious obituary notices of a Yankee humorist, such as:—

" Tho death umrel smote Alexander MoGlue And Rave him protracted repose; lie won: aelieck shirt ami a unmoor !> shoe, And had a iiink wart on liis no«o. Xo doubt he is tmppiur sourinK through space, - Ovor thcro. on tho evergreen shore. His. friends are informed that the funeral takes plncu Precisely a quarter past four.'

Does the "Age" really keep an obituary poet to write these doleful monographs lor sorrowing and bereaved friends? 1 incline to think it does, from tho way in which tho effusions are repeated with variations and modifications, to suit dillbrent cases. Then I wonder if it pays to be an obituary poet '.' And does it not hurt him very much to write thoso excruciating lines? 1 think I could be an obituary poet myself, and write about us good stull' as tho "Ago" man : but I could not do it under a thousand a year, and even then I should have some qualms of conscience. I hope none of my readers think 1 am jesting with a sacred subject or milking light of natural grief for those taken away by death. My intention is all the other way. 1 consider griof, lilial or parental, or sorrow for "a nearer and dearer one," much too sacred n thing tn bo paraded in paid print and doggoivl vorsc, nnd my object is to aim at a highor standard, and show how far wo in Now Zealand aro in this respect ahead of our Australian neighbours.

A few weeks ago mi Auckl.ind resident inserted in tho Star un advertisement to this effect:—" Lost, a mourning brooch with the naino 0 T engraved on tho back." Tlu initials hero given, 1 ma >' remark in parenthesis, represent a very unusual nanio, Tlio miming brooch WHS not brought back, but there oamo to tho Stau ollieo a lottor from ti settlor living away in tlic country, signod with tho identical nnmOi O T . A\'hat ho said amounted to this. His father's name was (i T , and when his father

died many years ago, his mother had a brooch made with tho deceased's name engraved on the back. The settler, who bore his father's name, wanted inquiries to bo made as to the possessor of tho brooch advertised us lost in the Stab, for he suspected that there were living in Auckland friends of his of whoso whereabouts he had been ignorant for i\ scoro of years. According to his roquo.it, tho advertiser was communicated with, and the upshot of the littleincident was this. U T and a cousin of his becamo once more acquainted lifter nnestrangmont of more than 'JO yoara, during which long period ncithor know where tho other was. (i T had gone out to Australia, nnrl had been quite lost sight of by his family, and ho was at length discovered in tho rathor curious manner just relatod. If ho reads this " Shot" foino evening after his daily labour, ho will no doubt forgive "Z«micl"thaliberty which has boon taken. I find on reflection that this siinplo narrative also has a moral. I apologise humbly, but tho fault is not mine. I can only say that if <!

T had not diligontly read his Stak, even to the advertisements, ho would not have discovered his cousin. Header, go and do thou likewise. XX X

Tho Hospital inquiry and tho railway tunnel accident inquiry havo ongrossod public attention this weok. Thoro is some virtue about reprosontativo government if it is only tho moans oi securing publicity. As soon as a wrong or abuse in a public institution finds its way into print, it is as good as dead. There is this about grosa tvroujft that it caunot stand public opinion. By the roverso action of tho samo rulo, whenever a mild sin or breach of the law has a strong support or palliation in popular sentiment, attempted repression v of very little avail. Hence sweepstakes on races and Sunday liquor traffic prevail in spite of the law. I take it that the Hospital Committee's investigations and tho inqu;ry into tho railway accidont in the I'arneil tunnel illustrato the different modei of procoduro which naturally sutrgost thoruaohos to a body that fools itself, amonablo to public opinion and ono that in a measure is superior or indillbront to it; and there is more hopo of reform in the Hospital than on tho railway.

But even when the right of tho public to full information is not openly disputed, thoro i* sometimea an inclination among persons who havo temporarily gained representative ollices to ignore the right of tho press to spacial information and special facilities. Thuso people fail to see, or do not chooao to acknowledge, that in adopting such si courso they arc guilty of an insult to tho public, whom tiioy are presumed to represent, and that they aro evading a most essential part of thoir trust. The greijfc body of the people havo no means pf informing themselves of tho doings of their representatives, except through tho pre-8.1. They cannot individually go and make inquiries, and the public functions which newspapers perform are ,too well recognised to bu sot aeido by tho ohurh&hijoss or over-odiciouiinessof individuals who have mistakenly been placed in roprosontativo positions, liarely, one might say never, does this happon with experienced public men. In Parliament, in Courts, in public meetings, special provision is made in order ifciftt the press may havo perfect freedom of action for tno performance of its laborious and responoii,!? work, and tho most prominent and able i;uM;c mon, recognising that- thoir interosta arc invojyeil iti securing accurate and fair reports of what $heydo, are not merely courteous, but tako the grpatpst personal pains and troublo, to aid tho press reportors in their work. It is an inyar;abla evidonco of excossivo fussinoss in oliice, .or ovorweoning concolt, when a public man wauraes silly airs of superiority and suporciliousaeji; towards the press, upon which ho is entirely dopc.-i'Jant for informing the poople who havo els.:te,d him how ho has discharged his duties.

Tbo Jpjpiitablo Cruickshank crowdod a variety of laygjjablo subjocts and pleasant brevities intohisomnfbus.aperiodical of other days, and interesting, perhaps in a lessor degree, is tho lively chat often indulged in bj passengers in a suburban 'bus, or ".Chatterbox" as the vohicle might fairly bo termedj especially, when voluble /emale tongues arc fr.ee te talk. On a certain opening recently I was Joltingly onsconced in a corner of a newly decorated 'bus, which tiwels daily found and round from morn till sunaet. I was partly hidden by the hugs foathered hat of a njiddls-aged lady, whoso symmetrical body weighed at least sixteen stone. Tho lady appeared to baa genial, jolly sort of person, and I must cay that I was really ediiied by her advocacy of " woman's rights." Two gentlemen, apparently, occupied the opposito seat, and were pcofc-pcobing the idea of women having the franciuae. 'MVomen, my dear sir," said one, " havo lwVj.cin'isa with politica; their province is homci 4n.£ their business to prepare the meals, look' ai,iG» tho babies, and go to church once a v/eejf-" The middle-aged lady gave thoao lords of .creation a gauging look; she could stand it no longer; and gave vent to her feelings somewhat ie tif/s fashion (tho ideas are the lady's, if no.t the oxi*fc words):—" Gontlomen, I regard your talk tf.* t ;,ory silly! I cannot passively sit here and listen po such stuff. Women, especially sensible'wou^:, should share eqiisl rights with men. It is hqu bpcuuse men aro faulty, and sometimes want- j iag in chivalry and gcfld.tompor, that I agree, mainly with the late Mr Will on the ques-. tiGn of woman's rights, but hssause there are so many questions wliich affect) w,omen, j and in the ssttlement of which women ought to have a yoice, ap.d also because there are so,' njany poor women '*-bo have to get their ] own living, and who may fcaye many griov-1 rtneas wisieh legislators will ijot troublo. | ;l^olit' fls Jc.oj» as women are unrepresented/ . '■

"Egad," said a gentleman in ft white waistcoat, '' there's a eplcC °' common sense, friend, in the lady's remarks." "A"ja'V rojoined tho other ; "don't see it. Slie'^O" 6 of those sort o' wiramen we calls ranters'. She'd wear tho breeches." "Not at all," replied the lady, reddening as she spoke. "I desire only to wear a woman's proper clothing without troubling your tailor, sir." "Any other reason, madam, in favour of womanhood suffrage ?" said tho more enlightened speaker with the red nose. " I have," said the fat lady, who was evidently fair and quite forty. " Women should be enfranchised because it will make them take wider and more correct viows of life. Power grows with its exercise. If women had political inlluence they would become interested in questions of public interest, and would indulge less in that tittle-tattle

and small talk which narrow tho intellect and incline to scandal. Besides, women aro more moral than men, and would judgo of things from a higher standpoint." This last remark was overpowering to the white-

vested gentleman, who exclaimed " Bosh ; atop the bus !" The driver pulled up and the friends alighted, and wont laughing to- ' wards the Uaoli XXX Speaking of omnibuses, has my reader ever heard tho definitions given as follows:— liuss, to kiss ; rebus, to kiss, again : omnibus, to kiss all round? If he has (of course he has now), and if ho will associate therewith tho idea of a " holy kias " as v part of Christian observance, he will bo able to sco the point ot the narrative to follow. To a certain suburb of Auckland which shall be nameless thoro runs a line of omnibuses, tho proprietor of which, if ho is int. a Christian in tho sense that he goes to church regularly, is one in tho hotter nonae, inasmuch as hoiprovidos well for thoeo of his own household, " Draws hii furrow as htralt,'lit aa ho can, Ami into nobody's tuici-puteh pokes," hi tho suburb roferred to rosidos a Christian gentleman who tritely gave of his

abundance, land whoron to eroct v placo of worship, ami actively assisted in canvassing for cash to erect said house of prayer. The 'bus proprietor in duo course was solicited for his mito, but declined to contribute. Thereupon his Christian brother, in order to turn him from tho orror of his ways, got an opposition 'bus put on tho run at half the former fare. Tho heathen 'busman, nothing dauntud, reduced his faro, and judging by appearances will very soon run tho opposition vehicle oil" tho road. The aidont Churchman, however, had his Christian /.eal properly aroused, and has ordered tho construction of a splendid new omnibus, which ho declares lie will run free, in order to achieve tho salvation of his uiirogonoruto brother. "(!root yo one another with a holy kiss," says tho apostle ; in those days it is, of courso, rendered a " holy buss." Whon the new freo" holibus " starts running, it will bo a standing proof of tho power of tho (iospol of I'eaco to soften tho hearts of men and loosen thoir rurse-ntrings, while it will no doubt bo hailed as a boon by the residents of tho district, whether heathen or Christian, firook or barbarian.

Vet another contribution to the quostion of unionism in Auckland has reached mo, which I think it bost to givo without comment. It is na follows :—" Dear Zamiel, — Amyono reading tho remarks of 'Voriras' in your last issue re tho Carpenters' Society would come totho conclusion that thcro woio no mill hands in thu Society. As a matter of fact, there havo boon mill hands in tho Auckland branch sinco its formation, a mill hand being elected ono of its otficers at tho start, and therein no obstacle to them joining now, provided thoy are competent workmen. ' Veritas' states that thoy would bo deadheads. I should like to know what the term implios. Can ' Yoritas ' givo mo an instance where a mill hand is a doadhead as a Society man ? My opinion of a deadhoad is a man writing about his followmen and ashamed to subscribe his name : and, in conclusion, lot mo tell ' Voritus ' ho shown his utter ignorance of unionism when he advises mill hands to form a society of their own.—l am, &c., .). A. Parkks, Newton Koad."

This sensible correspondent having signed his name, 1 cannot, of coumo, allow " Voritas " to icply to him unless on equal terms. I hope, however, that we shall havo no further bickerings, but instead practical endeavours to eft'oct tho union no much desirod.

Tho miserablo exhibition which tho Rovouuo schooner Hawk is said to mako whonovor she comos in contact with even ordinary coasters makes mo wondor what earthly uso she can bo eithor in tho provention or dotection of smuggling. I havo often heard of her being easily beaten by various sailing vessels, but never saw hor to such poor adyantago aa whon sho came to closo quarters with several cutters in a raco tho other day. Those vessels loft harbour after her—two hours after, I am informed— picked her up between Kangitoto and Tiritiri, passed her oasily, and aoon left hor miles astern. Tho " Horald " apologetically suggested that tho Hawk waa "hovo-to, but I rather think not. At all events tho Hawk was doing her bost, with almost all hor availablo canvas spreud, and, to. say the least of it, she got a torriblo beating. Aud yet this vessel is a Kerenuo cruiser—a source of great oxpouditurs—and what has sho ever done! 1 havo novor heard of hor accomplishing anything brilliant, and if her apeod is always as slow as it was on Tuesday last, or as bad as the maston of coasters report it, truly I norer oxpoct hor to do so. Surely there ihould bo some method of proving those craft before they aro takon DTOr by tho GoTornmont, especially when so much may dopond upon their possessing more than ordinary speed.

A somewhat puzzling little paragraph has been going tho round of the papers. It appeared in a contemporary last in this form :—"Sandwiches aro a great staplo in London. Forty thousand men aro said to bo daily engaged vending them." "So,"said I to myself, "sinco I loft London, men aro going about selling that railway-refrcah-ment-bar-abomination (hard as adamunt,and a.t indigeHtiblo as an Aucklund dining-room m,eal), aro they?" Then it struck me there might \}Q p trifling mistake somowhoro; and tho hiEtflry 'gf that inoffonaivo, though singular, paragraph resolved itself into this. First, it was printed in somo English papor thua : —" Thore aro forty thousand Sandwich men in London." Next an able American editor, discovering it, remarked under his breath as he nimbly sliced it out, "sandwich men?" "Oh, to bo suro, mon who sell sandwiches." Then ho added n word or two by way of explanation, and tho simple item discovered iteolf next day tq bp, " Forty thomand men aro ongaged in London in selling sandwiches." In this intelligible form it has boon going tho customary rounds, knowing itself all tho while to be a sham and a fraud, doceiring tho good folk who novor saw " Mkndwich-mon " parading in acoros up and down tho korb-stones of London streets. But tho lie has get tho start. Tho jjdible sandwich wins tho race without en effort, and though I stumble after wtti;< tho wooden idontity my chances aro simply nil. Tho fraudulent statement has long ere now been translated intoChoctaw, Chorokeo, Hawaiian, Fijian, Papuan, and, for aught I know, Mr C. O. Davia has put it into the "Korimako." Thus may we learn how difficult it is to kill a falsehood when once it has got .twonty-four hours ahead. I dislike, as a rule, stories with morals, but hero hare I boon guilty of .tolling one myself.