How to Get Dyspepsia.

Auckland Star, Volume XXI, Issue 4193, 24 November 1883, Page 9 (Supplement)

How to Get Dyspepsia.

West-End physicians who are celebrated for their success with dyspepsia sometime have some curious patients. A countryman who came to town to consult an eminent specialist, in reply to the remark, " Now toll me all about yourself. How do you live? What do you eat? replied, "Well, I gin'rally gets up about five, and then my missus 'as a bit of 'ot moat and somo potatoes, and I usually 'as a pint of old ale afore I goes out in the cold." "Verygood," interposed Medious; "a capital plan !" "Then I get my breakfast about eight." "Well, what for breakfast?" " Why, a bit o' pie and somo bacon and ojrgs, with toast, and a few kidneys, praps, and tea." "Yes. Well, what then?" "Well, I usually 'as a pint after breakfast, and then I goes till 11, when I 'as a bit o' cheese and some more ale." "Well, what then ?" " Well, I usually 'as another pint about 11, and dinner at one." " What for dinner ?" " Well, I 'as a good dinner, gin', rally a 'ot joint and puddin' and cheese, with some old ale, and a couple o' glasses of 'ot whisky and water after and a pipe." "Oh ! then I suppose you do till tea?" "Well, yes ; I gin'rally 'as tea about four—a slice of cold beef and somo 'am and a poached egg or two." " Oh ! what then!" "Well, wo 'as supper at eight, gin'rally a 'ot pic, with some old ale. Then I 'as my grog at nine—three or four or fivo or six glasses, us it may be." " Is that all ?" asked tho M.D., wearily. "Yes," wearily replied tho dyspeptic —and for a long period the doctor was lost in thought!