Scintillations.

Auckland Star, Volume XI, Issue 3186, 7 October 1880, Page 2

Scintillations.

• Be brief: for. it 1 with words as Jsg£«£--beams; tho more they aro o jndeoßeo, tn*. deeper, they burn."— Boothby. fflg, 1 -dfeipful sus^'cihse. —Hanging. /'',''',' ' --Motto.for crpti^ians.-V^Mind yootteye. .. For old maids.—Marry comonp. '• •*..:' For odd bier 5.4-N..ver too late-to mond. Forlinkers, —Early to brea.d.arid early to, Solf'love 1s jk be 'greatest of' patterns. «- -. ' AMndiges'tible supper—bolting the strtCt door. , . A A man who has tho small-pox is sure to y be pitted. ... aWeJiear-Garrard has been out shooting*--coal, dowii a cellar. Self-love is more cunuing than the most cunuing man in the world. ■ ■ "-The "'Timaru Board of Education is in financial straights. \ ' Matches arc made in heaven.,, Yes, ana of ten dipped in t'other place. ' ' \ , | The dity of fortune is like a harvest day. We must bo busy while com is ripe. Twelve [pounds of lich specimens have been obtained from To Aroba, A vegetable bed—Carroty hair, reddish -checks, a turuup nose, and a sage look. " Have you road Hogg's Tales? *; r ' indeed, none of our hog's tails is black. I Friend : " Smith has run away with your wife" Husband : " Poor lellow ! "I cannot find'bread for my family,' said a loafer. " Nor I," remarked a mechanic, " I'm obliged to work for it." ' . Cambridge is, following its dinner festivities of to-day with a bachelor ball on tho 12th. .. , ,-i __. -..,', ! " I'm going to bring the argument to a p'iut," as Garrard said'when hC Went into ..the, British and auto'd up his fourpencc. • Constable Joncf, iii his baste to catch a sailor yo_terdi_y, stumbled and fell i against his inclinations. / Life is, the pledge of lifo ; it .nests only upon itself and must givo bail for its bwu existence. - . |

Fools', and- modeßt people arc- alike innocuous. Only half-fools aud bulf-wise are really dangerous. tin -.•>--: ' Ho who docs not stretch himself according to his coverlet may find his feet uncovered, i -■•''" ■ I Twenty-flvo Constabulary, withdrawn from the vVaikato frontier posts, arc ordered to<tbo South. —' t ' Tho Spring Kaco Meeting will bo held'at Cambridge, Waikato, on tho last day ot tho Cavalry drill, in November. » ' v * Out reporters aro safe at last, i Garrard's cooled down and Searoll's gone. Wo want to ktiow whfl'a coming round ptxt. ' Culprit:" Havo you any commands for tho next world?" -Hangman : "I'll only troublo you with alive." ..' Are you asleep?" "Why?" "Because I want to borrow half-a-crown."- "Then I'm asleep." | '.'.<_:.. The only business at the Thames Police Court yesterday was a cfcan sbaot, but the police havo not yet discovered tho owner or they would have sheeted it homo. An Irishman being asked iv Court to shew his certificate of marriage, poiutcd to a! great1 scar on his head, The Court was satisfied, ' , \

Another disgusting rape has been committed at Napier on a child Aye years,old. The lash, and plenty of it, is the cure for this species of crime. j _ •. I " Is there anything ridiculous in my wig? enquired a barrister at the Supreme Court the other day. " JNothiug except the head," was the reply. '~'_. The "Parnell Mystery "-upon which the Parnell people have been speculating, turns put to ho.'llo* a gho*t, but King's Diocesan Omnibus. . Drill sergeant to recruit: "Look straight at the object iv front of you." Recruit (looking struight at instructor) : " Yes ; and a pretty sort of object ybu aro 1 " Some people want to know what we'll do with.the Old dock whenwe got a new one,-* Why, let it to the North bhore "folks to hold their regatta in. , ; ' ,Anti? of the, most/ troublesome sort— Inf-ant-. They are always up "to some ant-ics. Aunts aro better than mother-mr laws, though I , A person in the Public Library lait night kept up a continual coughing—about two-a-minute—much to the annoyance of other, present. "Do you know what happened to Balaam?" said a would-be wit to an awkward horseman. " Yea, the same as happened to me, an ass spoke to him." It is to be hoped the North Shore folks will stick to the conrso now chosen for the regatta on tho 29th, and not come iv the way of vessels contesting tho Intercolonial event. t

The Kirikiriroa Road Board had declined to entertain a proposition submitted by' Mr Runcimau on behalf of tho Tamahoro Board for payment of one-half towards the.construction of a bridge over tho Maugamuri Creek. •

A " sorrowing parent" writes ': —" Sir, — Can you inform me if it is necessary to ineludo freehold allotment In cemetery, including tombstone, in.the property assessment schedule T"

The Early Closing Association is going to make another try before it dies, stimulated by the encouraging words of tho Rev. Upton Davis. Wo hope they won't forget tho girls and thfeir long hours. a • , There's half-a-dozen young ladies say they won't take the Stak any lougor. because there have not been any "Birth1-, deaths, or maMages:" in it for two nights. WcarO sortv, my-'dears, but we cant make 'em. Thei Lhbburters Mutual Aid Society intend to " break .up " because they havo-only nine " good "members on the books. Thoy havo-#-U'pd.t in tho bank, .and will consider what they'll do with it ribxt meeting, i' One hundred and fifty Maoris at OhiHOmutu have signed the Temperance pledge including" two wahines. Bros. Fox :apd Speight are jubilant. Mrs Whitely, iviilow of tho Rev. Whitclv, who was murdered at White Cliff's, died yesterday.at Ne.y Plymouth. -

A sarcastic writer says : It seems to me that all that is needed nowadays to start in fashionable life is to show a certain amiable willingness to lose wrar money at cards, ' and be seen'as much as 'possible fn public with,some woman who is not your .wife i '' "Mr J. kludford, tKo Lyttelton poetr hais written a prologue for an entertainment, given .at. the The.atre _Royal,,the pathos df which: is so. remarkably touching that Mr . iHpll, .who -had undertaken to deliver i^, fainted, and has.since been under the medical treatment of Dr. Squills.

>..-Private' to. Colonel of volunteers;: " What would you do if I thought you a fooL anil told you so." .Colonel,:, "Do; have yott- kicked out.'' Private:. '.What, *t. uld yon do if I thotight you a fool, and did-tlt.Jell $ott' so?" " "Be off; jbu scoundrel." , ■ , ,| y [ .Garripdriias missed ,a gbqd thing. Jho Chairman ot the Labourers' Mutual Aid Society, said that if they had been n»ked civilly, they would have given the, unemployed money to rent a,ball, as they had £21.in the bank. Too late now; the Society'f^oing to break up. .We understand that the members of a certain dancing class in this city are about to apply .for the use,of tbe Insurance Arcade for dancing purposes, with the view of leaviug footprints, which, brokers "Seeing,'may take hear. again;'* Not a bad idea. • -. ~, -.. • --.■■-■-, '..

,llow to receive' a proposal. You ought to take it kind, looking down ill, with an expression about half-tickled and halfscared. After the pop is over, if: your lover wants to kiss you, I don t think il_ should say "Yes" or "No," but just let the thing kind of take its own course. | I

The "Pinafore" mania has reached the Chinese. In Wellington lately an almondeyed Celestial was whistling in. a main street "The Merry, Merry Maiden and the Tar," and as he passed on ho changed the stave to "Dear Little Buttercup." A gay Lothario knocked at the door of a house in tho city. In the window there was a bill imtimatiug that there wero "apartments to be let." "Pray, my dear," raid he smiling," " are you to be let with the lodgings?' "No," replied tho fillo de chambre, with vivacity, " but I am to be let alone."