Varieties.

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1823, 18 December 1875, Page 5 (Supplement)

Varieties.

jA smart thing— A mustard plaster. H'rocks ever bled, they would bleed

A popular writer, epaaking of the ocean fegraph, wonders whether the news transited through the salt water will be esh.

'How are ye, Smith ?'says Jones. Smith Btended not to know him, and answered sitatiagly 'Sir, you have the advantage me.' 'Yes, I suppose so. Everybody s that's got common sense.' A lady called upon her milliner the other 7 to get the character of her servant. . The

ipectable appearance of the latter was be fld questioning. ' But is she honest ?' ted the lady. 'I am not so certain about at,'replied the milliner ; ' I have sent her you with my bill a dozen times, and she i never yet given me the money.'

'My young coloured friend,' said an army aplain to a yoang negro, ' can you read ;' fes sah !' ' Glad to hear it,' said the chap- - 'Shalll give you a paper ?' ' Sartin, *ssa, if you please.' ' Very good,' continue chaplain. ' What paper would you °ose, now?' 'Well, Massa,' said the

mtating negro, ' if you chews, I'll take a peio'terbacker.' frsocENOH and Obstiwacv.—The other ening a Detroit joker slipped a little pink re letter into the pocket of a staid old citinas they were riding on the street car. <»urse, the old citizen's wife made a dive f Ms overcoat pockets as she passed through I hall, and when she had digested the love ter she determined to commit suicide. we going up stairs after her bonnet she »mad and changed her mind. Walking to the room where he sat before a cheerful B> she exclaimed : 'Loves you better than . own life, eh ?' * Who —What ?' he inJttd. 'And she wants to know how that to-headed wife of yours gets along, eh ?' ■NJy-I catl 'fc __j < s h e wa uts $50 % her a set of furs, does she ?' ' What '^T-why, what are-you talking about?' El it's come out—l've got the proofs !' Mhout<s, making a dash for his hair. L hfl worthy man ha 3 sworn the most sojto oaths to his innocence ; offered to let I employ a detective to shadow him ; acunted for every hour of his absence dur--8 the last year, and furnished fifty theories Kfiard to the letter, and yet the wife '% remarks that Bhe is staying there !e 7 on the childrens account. — Detroit '* Press.

How do you get up your sermons ?' asked _™b one ef Mr. Moody. His reply was : to* a number of years I have kept large enJ 0PcS ) marked, say, ' Blood,' ' Heaven,' fv - e^c *' an^ everything I hear or meet !*S on any of these subjects I make a note « and keep it in these envelopes. After ' me time I have material enough in one of leae envelopes for three or four sermons. *ple sometimes speak of me taking four or | months to prepare a sermon ; it takes me "^fre years/