IMAGINATION AND REALITY.

Auckland Star, Volume V, Issue 1498, 28 November 1874, Page 6 (Supplement)

IMAGINATION AND REALITY.

The Plum who wrote " Home, Sweet HoiXie," never had a home.— Exchange. No, of course not. All his folks at heme say he didn't. Nobody who writes about anything ever had it. If a man is out of anything he immediately goes and writes about it. No man writes so many " headings" as the man who is out of his head.

Certainly be didn't ever have any Lome. The man who wrote the " Old Arm chair" never had an arm chair in all Ids life. The best he had was an old split-bottom chair without any back to it.

The author of « Take Me Back to Switzerland" never was in Switzerland. The nearest he ever came to it was sitting in the William Tell saloon eating Sweitzer kase —kase why, that was the best he could do.

« Mother, I've Come Home to Die," has not spoken to the old woman for years, and wouldn't go near the house. Besides, he is of that class of spiritualists who don't believe they will ever die. His mother is nothing but a mother-in-law, and she is dead anyhow.

There is the author of " Old Oaken Bucket." too. There wasn't a bucket on the old farm, water being drawn •with a tin pail and a cistern-pole, " If I Had But a Thousand a Year," stated privately to his friends that he would be contented with half that sum, as he was? doing chores for his^ board and three months schooling in the winter. i The author of "Champagne Charley" never drank anything but ten cent ■whiskey. " Shells of Ocean " is a humbug. The plaintive poet who represents hims^!f as wandering, one summer cve 5 with sea-beat thought, on a pensive shore, was raised in the interior of Pennsylvania, and never was ten miles away from home in all his life. "Gathered shells," did he? All the shells he ever gathered were some eggshell?, back of his mother's kitchen. v Hark, I Hear an Angel Sing" spent all his evenings in a beer saloon. Angels, indeed 1 The man Avho wrote the " Song of the Shirt" hadn't A shirt to his back, wearing a wampus for the most part. " Oft in the the Stilly Night!" used to get on a spree and make the stilly night howl till daylight. The author of " We Met by Chance " knew very well it was arranged beforehand. He had been weeks contriving it —and she admired his contrivance. The author of " 1 Know a Bank," etc., did not know one where he could get his note discounted. The only check he ever held was a white check at a faro bank. He never held a red check in all his life. "What are the Wild Waves Saying?" knew very well they were reproaching him for running away from Long Branch without paying his hotel bill. " Who will Care for Mother Now f Who indeed 1 You took the old woman to the poor-house just before writing the song, and there is nobody but the Poormaster to care for her now. " Hear Me TTorraa," was de-if and dumb. He couldn't make his pa hear, norma. " My mother, Dear," used to thrash the old woman within an inch of her life. 'The author of "Rain on the Eoof" always1 slept in the basement, except when he slept out of doors. " Let Me Kiss Him for his mother " got mad because his mother wouldn't have him, and whipped her little boy within an inch of his life. "I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls " used to cheat at marbles when a boy, and his dream was a horrid nightmare, brought on by the remorse at the recollection of fraudulent marble hauls. <: I'm Saddest! When I Sing " was tickled almost to death if invited to.

" Happy be Thy Dreams v' sold benzine whisky, you can fancy what kind of dreams were produced. —" From the Fat Contributor."