HUMOUR

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 1107, 21 November 1917, Page 8

HUMOUR

Anybody can be good and yet good tor nothing.—Barn’s Horn. | Some people aim so high that their arrows cat nothing bat the air , I This would be a much better world if ] more people would take their own advice.— S Dallas News. j Of all the things in the world that are ; * better late than never’ going to bed ccr- j tainly ranks first. j After a man passes forty he can help hi* 1 children most by saving up money to care ; for himself in his old age.—Atchison Globe. ; Behind the Scenes.—First Judvre ; Breach , of promise still running?— Second Judge: * Going wonderfully. No standine room. • "What are you doinc ?—First Judee: A; building contract. Wretched business; not a soul in the place ! i Dick—Congratulate me. my dear boy ! Miss Diamond has accepted me! Bob You don’t say so! But, come to think of it, j it isn’t so strange, after all. She has always : declared that men are all alike.—Boston Transcript. Wanted a Legitimate O rcupation—Vagis- • trate—Why did you enter! hat man’s bouse and rob his safe? Prisoner—Please your Honor, I was only trying to raise a ill tie money to buy meself a position on the police foorce!—Puck. 4 lt must be pretty hard work poundintr the pavement with that great lamncr,’ said the idler. 4 Sure,’ Raid Mr. Grogan, 4 it is not the droppin’ av the thing on the shtones is the har-rd wor-rk at all. It is the liftin’ av it up.’—lndianapolis Journal. Political Wisdom—‘Things is geUin’ mighty mixed, Mandy,’ said Farmer Corn- 1 tossel; 4 mighty m : xed.’ ‘What’s the matter ?’ The politicians air all tryin’ ter tell the farmers about farmin’ an’ the farmers air tryin’ ter tell the politicians about ! politics.’—Washington Star. j society discharge the Terrible Example.’ Rev. Mr. Cold water— 4 He was continually referring to the seductions of a particular brand of beer to which he attributed bis ruio; and we found he was beirg paid to advertise it.’ 4 1 believe I’ve lost my wits,’ said a worried husband t» his wife. 4 Indeed ? J didn’t know you had any to lose,’ she an swered sarcastically. < Oh, yet dear, Iha some once.’ 4 Well, I never observed them ’ 4 No, love. T lost them just before I me you.’. Ho didn’t want to say it, bat sh drove him to it. Security—A five-year-old girl had he’t attending Sunday school for several week*, learning weekly to repeat the golden texts A few days ago her mother had .occasion tadminister a severe reproof, when the Hill one looked up undismayed, and slowly nun •calmly observed, 4 The Lord is on my side I will notfoar.’„ It was her golden tc.xtci the Sunday previous.—Boston Herald. Composer: 4 1 have here a song that I think will recommend itself to the nvii-b-a; critics’ Publisher: * Musical critics ! Oh. no. If it pleases ihe office boys, if s a go; if not, not. We know our public, sir !’ Contributor— 4 Pretty poem, isn’t it?’ Magazine editor— 4 Yes, very; but wt can’t publish it.’ Contributor—• Why o«.f ’’ Magazine editor— 4 Way, xr.vl.artv can tel! at the first leading prei-i**;- v-»* .i means.’ 4 Hullo, Brown, what’s vrcr.g with you!’ 4 Oh, I feel very seedy; fer-i ns if Fd got one foot in the grave, and ■' 4 Well, you’ll have to get the cemeterr enlarged before vou i/ovP.Ain Wh ;>■ •